Leap Down The Rabbit Hole – Part 5 : Smoky Mirrors and Slowed Clocks

She always had this demeanour about her, which could be both her super power, but also her worst nightmare. As she took that leap down the rabbit hole, she figured that this journey was hers alone to walk and explore. In all fairness this was her journey, her path, but as the saying goes “no man is an island”, and the longer this journey continues, that sometimes feel as if it is never ending, she realises that well, she cannot do it on her own. She got so used to doing everything on her own, going at it alone, whether this was to prevent feelings of disappointment or resentment, this is how she chose to do things. But somewhere that voice always told her, “be calm little one, help is available, just let go and release and allow it to engulf you”. For her this was a foreign term, she got so accustomed to the high walls that she built around herself, whether she needed help or assistance this to her felt like a weakness.

 

But isn’t it through ones’ weaknesses that you find your strength? As she kept on walking and pushing forward the path soon seemed to be filled with smoky mirrors and slowed clocks. It seemed that whenever she found herself on a path of smooth sailing, smoky mirrors appeared. As she glanced in the mirrors, she gets faced with imagery filled with all the desires and hopes that she cradles within herself, she sees past all the fogginess that clouds the images (this could be since she is an optimist at heart, even though her journey had given her a fair share of bumps and bruises). As she looks towards the clocks it is as if all at once, the clocks either slowed down tremendously or came to one abrupt halt. And every time this happens, she just adds a few more bricks to her already protective barrier, she secludes herself, wallow within all that doesn’t seem to be going right and like that smoky mirrors and slowed clocks, she embodies it.

 

But what saves her every time, is that constant voice and companion that has been with her throughout this journey. She already is aware that this companion had a significant role to play in this journey and the path that she is undertaking. Whether it be unknowingly encouraging her to move forward, to be cautious for all the hidden dangers wrapped up as oases of abundance, or just allowing her to be vulnerable by just being herself without judgement or expectation. As she gets engulfed with all these smoky mirrors, that voice filters through the mirrors, slowly blowing away all that is hidden from plain sight. As this companion moves ahead of her, clearing the fog in front of her, to prevent her from making a mis-step, and in a sense trying to give her a smoother path and to see a clear way through the fogginess that seems all so glorious.

As this voice keeps encouraging her, she cannot help but being fixated on all the slowed clocks, because suddenly it is as if everything comes to one abrupt halt, no prospects of moving forward, no movement, just thoughts of time moving past her, and that she has no control over it, no matter how hard she pushes or pulls. And that voice speaks to her in such a compassionate manner, telling her to start planning and to gather her thoughts and ideas, and to slowly put them into motion. This voice tells her that wonderful things will happen as she continues this journey, but the same as the clocks that slowed down, she should do the same. She shouldn’t see this as failure or things that won’t come to pass, but just as sign to regroup, and when that clock starts moving again, to jump in and go all out.

It is when the clocks slow down, that she feels most vulnerable, and in combination with all the smoky mirrors, this is where she just wants to quit this journey and start retreating into her self-built wall of protection. But it is in this moment when that voice of companionship comes through stronger, affirming that she is indeed protected, and that help is at her disposal, and that it is up to her to accept it or not.

Sometimes she just wants to crawl back out of the hole that she once jumped down so freely. Surrounded by smoky mirrors and slowed clocks, vulnerable and tired. But through it all she knows that she is protected, that her back is covered. That, that companion that has been trailing alongside her, would always be there to blow away the smoke and will remain even when time is slowed or completely stopped. She finds that her weakness of being vulnerable will ultimately be her biggest strength, her real super power. And that voice of companionship, is set on her path, not just as protection, but for her to realise her full potential, be the best that she can be. That voice is a part of her, a part that she only met when the time was right, a crucial part to complete her and walk this path and journey along side her.

Lesson by cupcakes (self-talk)

 

“How dare you speak to yourself like that?!”, the little voice from within starts to scream in my head. “Do you remember how much you hated when other people talked to you like that, and how you promised that you won’t ever allow and tolerate that from anyone, so why would you think that it is okay to talk to yourself like that?!”.

The above is just a small snippet from what goes on in my head, or the conversations I have with myself on the regular.

 

Part of being awakened and becoming enlightened is that you become conscious of self-talk. Now this is how you talk to – yourself, talk to others about yourself, how you talk to others and how you talk to others about others. How you speak to yourself and about yourself is important, because what you think and speak in fact becomes reality. Positive self-talk becomes second nature, as affirmations becomes a part of thoughts, spoken word and conversations shared. This all doesn’t mean that negative thoughts and talks won’t slip through the cracks and make its way into your mind or come out of your mouth. Going through the journey that is awakening is learning how to become mindful of these thoughts, both positive and negative, it is about gaining the clarity to differentiate between these thought patterns. It is about having a positive thought or idea and then building on this thought with more positivity. It is about identifying a negative thought when it appears in the mind (as the journey goes on, the easier and quicker it becomes to identify and work on), identifying why and how you might be feeling and thinking the way that you do, and turning this negative thought pattern into a positive one.

I have in no why mastered this yet, but daily I am becoming more mindful and aware, and I must say, when a negative thought or pattern starts to take control of my mind, it is almost as if I get a smack at the back of my head that tells me to pay attention and change this. So, the timeframe it takes to become conscious of my thought patterns has increased and becomes quicker by the day. And for me this is a win on its own and shows me my growth thus far.

 

I am extremely hard on myself, to the extend where I am awfully harsh towards myself, and when I say harsh, I am even embarrassed to make half of the things known that has slipped from my thoughts intended towards myself. About two weeks ago; I baked cupcakes (I love doing this), and for the first time, well it was a flop. In that moment, I almost swore to never touch anything that has to with baking again. I was so hard on myself, telling myself how this baking thing isn’t for me, how it was possible that I could mess something up that I can practically do in my sleep, how this is just something that isn’t for me, I almost took that new mixer back to the shop, seeing that it is still under warranty (shrugs). But I soon came to realise that hey, this is all part of it. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect and do the perfect things, that when I fail to do so, I tarnish myself. So yes, my cupcakes were a flop, but that doesn’t mean that I am not good at baking overall. It just means that I did something wrong (I just added too little baking powder), it just means that in every error there is space to learn and build from it. It just shows that I have become so accustomed to ‘perfection’, that when it didn’t come out the way it was supposed to, I almost lost my shit (this applies to other aspects of my life as well). And doing something wrong, or failing at something, just proves that there is space to look back and reflect, identify why, where and how it went wrong and well, just start over and keep at it, with all the new insights acquired and just keep a positive mindset as you go along.

 

So, this a lesson that I have learned in the first two weeks of 2018. Something that I have always been aware of, but it basically took a failed batch of cupcakes to zap me in the ass, and get my mind and thoughts back to where and what I am supposed to be aware of at this time.

This is a journey that I’m navigating, and this is just my experience, but I know that when I can learn a lesson from something as simple as cupcakes, that I am more aware than I could have thought. Becoming more aware of myself, my thoughts, ideas, and overall of what is needed from myself to make my soul glow and prosper. So, thank you cupcakes, for showing me that just by adding a little more baking powder is how I will rise into my own and become a better me.