genuinely candidly Myself

There is absolutely nothing wrong with unapologetically, candidly being yourself. The past few weeks I have been addressing the issue of just being myself, to not only be comfortable in my skin (which I am), but being comfortable enough to be myself, when it comes to voicing my opinion, being this weird, wacky, free spirited person that I am. I am also very reserved, it all depends on my mood, how I feel at a specific time, but I decided to just be myself and surprising events has arose from it.

To be yourself means that not everyone will like you, their views and opinions may be different to yours and do you really want to change things about yourself to please others and then not being true to yourself. So if I have to be myself there will be tons of people who do not like me, do I care? No. I after all have to like myself, I have to live with myself when no one else is around, so why can’t I be the same person in public and in private, why do I have to put on different faces, to please different people. Okay, so some people won’t be able to handle my personality, I have heard countless time that I am trying to hard or trying to be impressive, but I am not. I am fortunate and blessed to have a good general knowledge, I have been actively reading anything from a library book to different types of magazines and newspapers on a daily basis since the time I was old enough to read. I am interested in different things, thus why I read; to accumulate knowledge and to be well informed, isn’t that the reason behind learning? So if I talk about sports, it is because I actually play and watch different sports, because it is interesting; if I talk about current events, politics, I do so, because I am a curious one, and I have my own thoughts and opinions and not just because I want to show off, but being well informed helps make better choices from a knowledgeable perspective.

When you are open to being truly yourself, you attract amazing things to yourself, whether it be opportunities, contacts, wonderful friendships, relationships, things that make you feel good about who and what you are. When you are comfortably yourself, it is almost as if you ooze confidence, have you ever been told by someone that you are something else? That you are like a breath of fresh air? And you just respond with “this is who I am, this is me, and this is how I always am”. There comes a certain level of ease when you are just being yourself, the energy and vibes you send out, are a direct reflection of what you feel inside, the fact that you are content in your own skin, that you are filled with happiness with who you are; that you don’t allow negative thoughts and experiences to impact you in a way that won’t allow personal and positive growth, in who you are and what you want to achieve and be.

I met a view new people over the weekend, I did some work for them, and if I wasn’t who I am, I wouldn’t have made new contacts, I wouldn’t have built new relationships and I’m just glad I am who I am. They say energy attracts, so if you are oozing confidence and just radiate this glowing personality, you attract what you need and want. If you are comfortable with who you are, others becomes comfortable with who you are (no matter the size of the personality), if you are positive you attract positivity, if you have this burning desire and passion for what you do, people are able to feel this and you will be surprised just how much your passion ignites a spark not just within yourself, but even those you surround yourself with, even if you just met. Being yourself is the best thing that you can do, I mean if you aren’t going to be yourself, who will be?

So I am unapologetically candidly myself, if it means that I babble non-stop without making sense, if I voice my opinions and come across as being just a little bit conceited, if I am this wild-care-free spirit, this is who I am. I am passionately myself, passionate about who I am, passionate about who I am meant to be, passionate about the love I have for writing and linking different ideas and concepts and bringing them to life. This is me, my personality, and the select view that appreciates and feeds of this energy, those are the people who makes me just love being Me.

Explanation Declined…

Ever wondered why people are so “concerned” about what you are doing with your life? Are they really concerned? Do they really care? Are they looking for a topic of conversation to bring up the next time they have a get together? Is this a question to revel and boast about how well they are doing? Is this a way to subtly mock your choices, because you didn’t conform, to what is seen as “normal”? Is this a way to feel sorry for you because according to the “what-you-are-supposed-to-be-at-a-certain-age-and stage”, you seemed to have failed at (do note this is just an opinion of others and not a norm)?

A friend once said, “If you don’t Feed me, Finance me or Fuck me, I don’t see how my choices, actions or behaviour has anything to do with you, nevertheless, why should I be explaining myself to you”. Interesting isn’t it? the people who has the most to comment about one’s life, are those outside of the three F’s, who most of the time doesn’t even contribute a positive impact on your life (And no, pointing out your short comings and what you don’t have, yet, is negative energy and vibes that you do not require).

A lot of the time, people have requirements of others, because yes, others can sometimes see the potential we have that we cannot see ourselves. Other times, it is just plain competition even though it may not seem like it, but if you delve down into a subconscious level you will see it. There are a lot of times when you get judged by your peers because you aren’t on the same level as they are. Okay, so who created the level? Society, the media, ones perception of what is “supposed” to be the norm and what is expected? It seems that when you aren’t conforming to a norm, that you seem to be singled out as a failure, as failing at life, all because the “norm”, isn’t your “normal”.

We create our own Normal, we conform to our own beliefs, to what feels comfortable, to what makes us happy, to be what we want to be and who we desire to become, without conforming to what others want, perceive and figured what we are supposed to be like. The moment we explain the hows and whys, it means that we owe that person or people something. Why should the fact that we aren’t conforming to an idea of what is normal, be seen as wrong, as failing at life? Does life have a guide, does it come with instructions and solid outlines as to what should be acquired and required at certain checkpoints, (18, 21, 25, 30, 40, etc)? We get judged when we don’t live according to a certain standard, but who sets the standard? You?

If we surround ourselves and allow people to question the things that we do and why we do it and it impacts us in a negative way, we lose our power and start to question why we are doing what we are doing in the first place. There are however people who are genuinely concerned, people who want to revel in our positivity, people who want to help us and be excited for what we have achieved and what we are working towards. We decide if we want positive or negativity people and comments, to be the driving force behind what we do.

So whichever side of the 3 F’s you find yourself, if you cannot make a positive contribution then your comments, remarks and opinion are unwanted. Allow those in your life who do not care for an explanation and can clearly see that where you are is where you need to be and contributes positive energy and vibes to make you want to be the best version of yourself and not what they perceive to be “normal”.

self-sabotage…

Self-sabotage

Noun – (Uncountable)

The sabotaging, whether consciously or subconsciously, of oneself.

Verb

(Third-person singular simple present self-sabotages, present participle self-sabotaging, simple past and past participle self-sabotaged)

To sabotage oneself or one’s own plans.

So I decided to begin this post with a definition, it is apparent what self- sabotage means, but a definition makes it seem like I did a ton of research, when I just want to figure out why I sabotage myself sometimes. I am this hopeless romantic, I believe in fairy tales, yes I believe in having a soul mate, I believe in not settling for anything that is mediocre, I mean I want that uncanny-crazy-spontaneous- I cannot even put into words- wonderfully- magically filled, fiery- explosive kind of love. Obviously this love I first have to feel and experience within myself, the type of love that I have for myself before I can even think of giving or receiving that from another person, and vice versa.

So why self-sabotage when it seems as if the perfect relationship or love story is about to happen or is already happening, why feel the need to look for exits and escape routes if this is something that will ultimately be the story that you seek?

Well, I want to quote J.Cole “don’t save her, she don’t wanna be saved”. This one line is a perfect example of what happens when you or someone else wants to be the superhero who saves the damsel from her misery and want to give her/him the fairy tale ending you think they deserve. Thing is, not everyone wants to be saved, or everyone wants to be saved, but in most cases, actually all, one has to start with oneself, be one’s own superhero, start saving oneself. It is normal to want to be rescued and find that love that consumes every part of our beings and fibre, I mean wasn’t sleeping beauty in a deep sleep for over 100 years before she awoke by true loves kiss, or even Belle loving beast for what is on the inside and not what his exterior looked like, anyway this is beside the point. We all want to be loved unconditionally, but do we love ourselves unconditionally? If we do it will be so easy to love someone else, with all their flaws, quirks, and then you wouldn’t have time to look for exists and start self-sabotaging.

I have this problem where I self-sabotage love interests, not because I don’t believe in the possibility of every love being the one I have been searching for, but because when it feels mediocre and doesn’t resonate with the love and vibes I feel inside of me, why go ahead with it. I mean I always want to please others, be the perfect example or perfect partner that someone wants me to be, and in the process losing myself and the exit strategy… Self-sabotage. When you are really and truly in love with yourself, you know what you want, what kind of feeling you want to reciprocate, you know how far you are willing to compromise without losing yourself, your beliefs, your magical energy and the person who is meant for you will be pulled by the vibes and energy that you send out. It won’t be mediocre, it won’t be a case where someone has to be saved out of their misery, a case where someone settles because they are afraid that the person they are meant to be with is just a fantasy. It won’t be a case where you lose yourself to be a perfect partner for someone else, ending up pretending to be whom you are not and changing so much, because that is the love you decided to settle for.

I love this quotation/expression so much, definitely part of the next ink I get, “Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed…maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them”. I guess this just says it all for me.

Maybe she doesn’t want to be saved, because She Wants, she Deserves, NO she NEEDS to be her own hero. Maybe she self-sabotages because she knows within her being that the one she is with isn’t the one for her. Maybe she self- sabotages because she knows that she cannot pretend to be what she is not, in order to be part of a group who seems to be living the happiest life of relationships/ engagements/ marriages. Maybe she self-sabotages because she knows that the love that she has for herself still needs to grow, that she still need to love herself more in order to fully understand unconditional love, in order to give love in abundance, in order to be the partner who can be herself and be accepted for it, instead of pretending or neglecting parts of the self because the superhero didn’t sign up for that. Maybe she is just so content and happy and in love with herself that she knows what she deserves, that she knows what energy and vibes make her tingle, that she knows that she won’t settle, that she knows she won’t change herself to suit anyone who doesn’t deserve her, that she knows she will attract the right one, when the time is right.

So maybe I self- sabotage and I don’t want to be saved, and I won’t be tamed, the wild significant other will run with me and then self-sabotage will be a mere memory of what once was.