Leap down the rabbit hole. part 6

 

She found herself wandering further and further down the path. In awe of every beautiful thing that surrounds her, from the perfectly blue skies and the fluffy clouds painted across the vast canvas. The birds chirping their happy song, makes her heart flutter and her feet tap in synchronicity with each step she takes. This path seems to become more daunting the further she moves through this magical place, pathways become narrower. The braver she becomes, the more she doubts if taking that leap down the rabbit hole was the right choice. She must keep reminding herself that it is just fear fuelling her doubts, and that she will overcome this fear, just like she has slayed all that has been in her path before, trying to sway and keep her from exploring this magical journey that was set out for her.

 

Letting go has been the biggest test for her, letting go of all the preconceived notions she became conditioned to before she found herself in this wonderous world. Letting go of her masks, the facades she carried around. Letting go of her Ego, an ego filled with needing validation and acceptance, an Ego filled characteristics she so badly wanted to run away from, an ego she could no longer keep feeding, as all the illusions fell away, and humility brought her to her knees with every step, dark cloud and storm that greeted her on this path. There was no place for ego in this new world she found herself in, anything based on fear would be torn away, as only love and humility would guide her through the traitorous walk way.  So many things on this pathway has been mere illusion, projections of fear and cycles needing to be closed out. All the difficult battles she had to fight to get through to the next stage, even when she thought she wouldn’t get through or over it, was based on fear, and as soon as she moved in harmony with her spirit, her courage started to peak, and slowly she started to put those fears to bed, and ended cycles that kept on repeating, in order for her to gain the knowledge and wisdom to catapult her further on  her journey.

 

Standing and speaking her truth has been a crucial part of this journey. It seemed the more she started to embrace her truth, delving deep into her psyche, understanding her knowing, acknowledging her buried emotions, she set herself free. She set herself free from pain that she has carried around for the longest time, pain that clung so hard to the walls of her heart, pain supressed deep in her mind, a type of pain she became accustomed to live with, until it slowly started creeping out from within her, where she could no longer deny it, where she couldn’t mask the symptoms anymore, and had to go deep down to that root and pluck it out for good. So, when all those dark clouds approached in formation, she knew that that silver lining was winking at her, with every truth she accepted, she gave way for a piece of pain to be released and tarnished. She no longer allowed her pain and the symptoms there off to consume her body, her mind, her spirit, her soul. Realising that it hurt most to conceal and cover up all these scars behind a mask, that the weight just kept getting heavier and weighed her down, that all these walls she built around herself didn’t permit for any of these low vibrational feelings to exist and that she blocked the high vibrational feelings at the same time.

 

She realised that standing and owning her truth meant to be completely honest, to not be selective with the truths she wished to acknowledge. Accepting who she truly is, is what this journey had in store for her. This journey needed her to stand her ground, to speak up for herself, to claim her power. By speaking her truth, she had to let go of fear-based thoughts, overthinking, over rationalising, creating scenario’s (that seemed to be her biggest escape), and face everything that was inside of her. So long on this journey as she overcame obstacles around every bend, the challenges seemed to just get more difficult instead of easier. But she is resilient and with every challenge overcome, she levelled up in bravery, newly found strength she didn’t even knew she had. By speaking her truth, she accessed her true vulnerable state, the vulnerable state where she let go of fears, being so honest about her true feelings, without being consumed by the what if’s, the what not’s, the maybe’s and worrying if things will be the same.

She embraced these feelings, as she became vulnerable, everything she felt and spoke, came from a place of love. The deep place of love that is indescribably freeing. As soon as she let go of all her inhibitions and fear-based thinking and worrying, a sense of freedom and serenity started to spill over her. She started doing and acting from a place of true unconditional love, the love that she had for herself. She was no longer fixated on the outcome, the when’s and the how’s. all that she knew was that she had this strong conviction, spilling from deep from her soul, that she indeed is stepping into her true Divine Feminine power and that there is only place for love. That what ever will happen on her path, she will approach it with love, that no matter how she would rather remain quiet than cause conflict, she realised with deep faith that what stems from her soul is love, and that loving herself and remaining true to her path, required her to act and speak from a place of this deep unconditional love.

 

Letting go required her to go deep within, to be truly vulnerable and this is fuelled by the unconditional love she has for herself. Letting go brought freedom, the freedom that feels like finally being found and in a serene place. She knows this path and all its things is meant for her, to be her true powerful self, and as soon as she really let go, love elevated her, love is her strength in vulnerability. This Divine Feminine power that she embodies as she further struts down this pathway, bends and all, her Love and vulnerability is her super power, as she slays away all the bad and sees that silver lining shine in all its glory.

Future is Female

Feet firmly on the ground
Head way up in the clouds
Step by step she walks
As the constellations guides
In her truth she stands

Balancing light and darkness
Centred in belief
Ying and yang she balances
In her present
She grows in presence

Her fear she let go
She walks in Faith
She thinks in affirmations
Her hope inspires
Her Love leads

Embodying Her Divine Feminine
Claiming her Power
She keeps rising
Fearlessly she pushes
And when you look at her

Be sure that the Future is Female

Johyphendene

Beautiful One : Until you realise

Until you realise that you are enough, nothing will change
Until you become aware that you are a deserving soul, you will always second guess
Until you realise you are worthy, you will always settle
Until you realise that you are love, you will always seek it in your surroundings

Beautiful girl
Don’t you know that you are a gift
A perfectly crafted creation, the embodiment of love
You are more than the body that houses your unique soul
You are the brightness of stars from galaxies throughout time
You are the warmth of the sun that burns those unworthy of your shine
You are melodies sung by the waves of the ocean
You are as free as the wind that blows from east to west, from north to south
You are mother nature in human form
You are birth and rebirth in tune with the cycles of the seasons
My beautiful one, life is born from within you

Your voice sweeter than honey drops
Your smile brighter than the evening star
Your eyes the windows of the soul
Your mind the library of knowledge
Your heart the capsule of unconditional love
Your feet firmly planted in humbleness
Your hands eagerly creating

The coldness of winter will come, you will feel barren, but this is just a time to slumber and replenish
The spring will come, you will sprout, renewed and refreshed
Oh how worthy you are,
Oh how graceful you are
Oh my beautiful one, you have always been

Johyphendene

You are my muse

 

You whom I love

You whom I love beyond doubt or reason

You whom I long for in the darkest of night and the light of day

You whom I crave with every ounce of my existence

You whom I desire with passions from within my loins

You who occupies my mind from dusk till dawn and again from dawn till dusk.

You who consume the essence of my spirit

You who are my endless addiction

You whose soul mirrors mine

You who inspires

You from who I find the freedom to just be

You who makes my spine tingle and my skin glow

You who free my mind and makes my soul soar

You whose voice is a mantra that my heart mimics

You whose spark make mines shine even brighter

You who feels like home

You who are happiness and pure joy

You who stories are written about

You in whose eyes I foretell the future

You whose mind expands the limitations in mine

You whose familiarity has always been

You are my muse

new journeys

 

The past few months has seriously been a rollercoaster of endings and new beginnings and just navigating through it all, is a rollercoaster ride all on its own.

 

Remember the times when it was all about 16^th birthday parties, confirmations to 18th birthday parties, matric dances, after parties, it kind of seem like a lifetime ago (well it is basically a decade ago). This was such an amazing time, also a time that the parties you attended were with friends who now 10 years on are still such a big part of your life. And then there was the infamous 21^st (coming of age) party season, wow now that is basically a whole chapter, nope, a book on its own. All of a sudden the years just seem to pass and all of a sudden it is all about engagement parties, weddings, baby showers and welcoming new arrivals. I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that my own 21^st was 6years ago (when did I get this old) and here I am finding myself in a new season, a season that I need a new compass, map, GPS and throwing in Suri would be an amazing bonus.

The past few months I had the honour (and I seriously do believe it is one), to witness a couple of my friends start a wonderful new chapter in their lives, the journey of motherhood. It is always wonderful and astonishing to see a woman carrying something so spectacular in her womb, but the experience becomes more profound the closer the people are to you (or that is at least what I have experienced). And no I am not broody, lol okay maybe a tiny teeny little bit, but the miracle of life and to see what a beautiful change it brings in the lives of people who you have journeyed with for years is totally exceptional.

 

I think it is absolutely humbling to be a part of a journey like this, witnessing how your friends navigated the crazy teenage years, all the ups and major downs, the happiness and sad times and then just to see this extraordinary glow about them, it radiates warmth, comfort, happiness, joy and unconditional love. A glow that makes you so absolutely excited and overjoyed to be sharing with them. When we are younger we tend to imagine and daydream what it would be like when someone in the circle would were to have a baby, what attributes they would inherit from which parent and just how it would be. And then years later you find yourself in this position and reality is far more remarkable that could have been anticipated. It is seriously one of those instances where you realise that a greater force is responsible for all of this beauty, for all of this love, for all of this wonder.

 

New beginnings are usually so scary, because you don’t know what to expect, you don’t know how to act and react, how to feel and what not to feel, it is almost like searching for the light switch in the pitch black dark and only be relying on touch and instinct. What makes new beginnings worth it is when you have support of amazing people around you, who willingly, lovingly, selflessly walk this journey with you.

I cannot wait for the day when I too experience this new beginning when that little peanut is growing in my womb, but at this moment I am so absolutely completely content and in awe of the mothers that my friends have become, it seriously is life changing, it is that beautiful thing that you would want everyone to know that you are witnessing.

So it may have started with our 16^th parties and matric dances, but now it slips over to the new generation, the mini me’s, and to be completely honest this is a wonderful journey to be a part of, to see how people who have been part of your life for such a long time, start a new phase, a new journey, a new chapter and that you are there to walk this journey with them, to be a part of it all, and someday tell that little one what a joy they have brought to our lives.

 

The Kind Of Funny, weird, quirky, My kinda awesome

 

I don’t think it is funny. I don’t think that it is funny that I instantaneously started smiling as soon as I hear that voice. I wouldn’t say I am irritated, or mad, or playing a bit hard to get, speaking in that stern serious tone of voice, just to bring a point across, in actuality wanting to sounding all cool calm and collected.

In the mean-team as I say “Heloo”, you respond with that captivating happy sound that so effortlessly flow from your lips “Hi, how are you”; just there I could see that smile that captures you at every turn and each time engulfs you like the first, all this just by the sound of his voice.

Something weird always happens when I hear his voice, and it isn’t because I am quirky in my own right, it is just something that I think is super funny and it makes me smile and happy, because it makes me laugh, and guess who causes it…him.

I am bilingual and more than efficiently fluent in both, when I speak to him, it is almost as if the different wires that is connected in my brain, somehow gets crossed, it is like I have so many things that I want to tell him and want to say, that it all just wants to flow from my tongue in a ramble, as all the words formed wants an escape, but then when the words want to take form and escape my mouth, I start stuttering…

My English and Afrikaans gets mixed, I think in Afrikaans and speak in English and then I think in English and speak in Afrikaans, all in the matter of seconds, and my hearts starts beating with this busy ongoing in my mind, my cheeks start flustering, and I just smile.

Because in that moment you know exactly all that I want to say, you understand every sentence like it gets described and explained to the T, but I think the best part is that, you actually listen. The way you listen so intently to not just hear but to actually pay attending, to actually take note, even though the words fumbling from my lips are tangled up dilly utterances, you get it, you just get it.

 

I just don’t get how the sound of your voice, at the same time brings this serenity over me, this calm happy feeling, this glow that sprouts from within, a glow that is formed in the soul and gets pulled out only by vibes that echoes with the vibes that resonate with my soul.

And this is still just only by the sound of your voice, it is as if your voice touches every part of my senses, I not only hear you, but I listen to you, I listen to the words from your mouth, I see the smile on your voice, I feel the happiness in your voice, causing a smirk, causing cheeks to turn mauve, eyes to glisten, as if the energy gets transferred from you to me, as if instantaneously our vibe is the same.

I do think it is kind of cool that every phone call I have with you is kind of awesome, besides the fact that I feel it is weird and funny and quirky.

I think it is kind of cool, because every time it feels like one of the best conversations, no matter how short or long, it feels soothing and so gentle, it is like a calm to just quiet the ruffled. So even if it is weird and funny and quirky, it is my kind of cool, my kind of vibe, and my kind of awesome.

Just Feel it…(All the Feels)

 

Sometimes I just wish I could figure it all out, that the Universe would just instantaneously bombard me with all of the answers, but then I remember the only way out is through. And in this instance no matter how crazy it might seems and no matter how many times I go over it in my head (I tend to overthink, a lot), I have to experience all the feels and be present in this moment. I want to run away, kick myself in the butt, but running away from what you feel doesn’t help one bit, so suppressing all of these emotions won’t help one bit. The thing is it is such a happy emotion and I am experiencing all the feels, and you know what, I am actually happy.

 

So this above quote is exactly how I feel, or just a tiny bit of what I feel and trying to explain it seems so difficult, because I don’t know how.

 

Have you ever experienced a smile so fierce? Have someone ever just smiled at you, so genuinely, so pure and the way they smile totally reflects in their eyes (If the eyes doesn’t smile with the mouth, something indeed is wrong). It is almost as if that smile awakens something so deep within you, a smile that breaks down boundaries, that you have yourself questioning “What the F is happening”. That smile ignites a spark that doesn’t slowly but rapidly spreads like a wildfire; it spreads through every inch of your body and you know where it starts, in your heart. You can feel every beat of your heart, as it steadily increases, with every beat that spark just steadily starts to catch fire. Now the thing about this fire is, is that it is unlike any other intensity that you have ever experienced before. This fire is starting a revolution making any other spark that you may have ever felt before seem so dismal and mediocre. This fire is like a wildfire that usually happens in nature, when it burns out all of a forest and in turn makes way for new growth, making way for the beauty to once again grow, growing from the ruins.

 

Like a wildfire this fire starting in your heart may seem devastating, as it kindles feelings and emotions that may have been dormant, feelings that you may have thought you would never experiences, feelings only destined for the characters in your favourite movie or book. As this fire spreads, it burns away all of the walls you have once built up, it burns away all of the weeds, all the fears, doubts that you so willingly protected yourself with. It feels as if this fire will cause more destruction than anything else, I mean it brings up emotions that you would rather not deal with, because not dealing with it and not feeling it, just feels better and seems easier (having suppressed these feelings for so long and covering with fear, was your safety net, that is about to be burnt to ashes). And guess what this fire so effortlessly burns away all of the fear, as excruciating as it may seem, the deliverance feels much more amazing, it feels freeing, and you wonder how it is possible that for so long you didn’t want to give way to these feelings.

 

This fire is the ending and the new beginning. This fire burns away all of the walls, emotions and feelings that you have protected yourself with for so long, because you were just so afraid of getting hurt and after a while you just stopped feeling. This fire ignites and gives way for all those emotions to come forth once again, by burning down all of the “protective” feelings and giving rise to the stagnant feelings. Just like a Phoenix rising from its ashes, these emotions are now free to resurface, unrestricted, unhindered, to flourish beyond the fear that was once the forefront of it all.

 

This fire destroys all the feelings that you used to protect yourself with, to give rise to all that you have been suppressing, hiding and didn’t want to feel. This fire gives birth to a heart, a heart open to love again, a heart filled with passion, a heart ready, without restrictions, a heart that rose from its own ashes, sparked by that simple beautiful smile, a heart prepared to embrace all the love that it is about to receive, all started and sparked by that smile.

Leap down the Rabbit HOLE – part3 (the promise)

 

She was still so fascinated by the clear blue sky and the fluffy clouds moving in a swift rhythm that she walked without looking down once. As the grass still tingled on the soles of her feet, she suddenly fell to the ground…she stumbled over a little bush and when she looked up a wonderful oasis awaited her.

What she was seeing was a little retreat, looking as if it was just created for her, well it was created for her, and even her name was written on the place card at the table. As she walked around the table, being in awe of what she was observing, from the happy juice to the treats and book of spells that was laid out, just for her. Just when was in a mesmerized daze as she took all this in, as her smile just got bigger and bigger, there he stood in front of her. Now she was truly wondering what this wonderland that she found herself was all about. She found herself mumbling utterances, at least in her head it made sense, but as soon as those words reached her mouth and tried to escape from her mouth, she just got all tongue-tied. It was as if his gaze just had her bewildered and all she wanted to say could be seen in her eyes and the gigantic smile that adorned her face. The utterances that spilled from her mouth and didn’t make sense at all was perfectly formed by his lips, everything she wanted to get out, he already knew; was this really magic? Has she really found herself in wonderland?

As they sat down surrounded by the beauty of the forest, the light breeze cooling her as she felt hotter than the sun’s rays on this warm day. Her sentences started to become fluent, it seemed the longer she looked into his eyes, a sense of calm just moves over her, okay it might be the happy juice as well. As she became more comfortable, she became herself in a way that even surprised her, but he wasn’t surprised, not in the least. She didn’t know if he cast a spell with that book of spells that laid on the table, but is serenity just pulled her in deeper and opening herself felt like the most natural thing in the world.

As he looked into her eyes, he told her or no he asked her if she would promise him one thing… obviously she was flabbergasted, because what on earth would he want her to promise; with great certainty she said Yes before knowing what she was promising too… he said, “please don’t ever change who you are”…

Okay, she already promised, but if she wasn’t staggered before, now she truly was.

She had to process this bit of newly found information, she was swimming around in her mind and wondering why he would ask her something like this. Maybe he had sipped too much on the happy juice, because what made her so special that he didn’t want her to change. The more she tried to look for answers, the more she couldn’t find a reason or why he would feel that specific way. But the more she thought about that phrase, the more sense it made, but clearly he saw something in her, something that she doesn’t necessarily see in herself, but something that captured him in a way that neither of them could have anticipated.

 

As she wondered what made her so special that he didn’t ever want her to change and she realised, what isn’t there that doesn’t make her special.

 

She finally understood that who she is now, she fought to become and that being in wonderland made her realise this.

She understood that her being comfortable in her own skin was something she worked hard on, with all the stereotypes and what beauty is supposed to look like; the moment she embraced all that made her unique her, from her hair, to her skin, her mind, her heart, that is when her beauty started blooming, because she was just truly and honestly herself and doing it for herself.

She recognized that her spirit reflects how and what she feels about herself and others; the way she spoke positivity into her own life, how she let go of any negative thoughts and emotions that tried to infiltrate her life, the way she owned the distinctive quirks that is true to her.

She acknowledges how her passion is reflected in her eyes, in her voice, in her smile, in her energy. The way butterflies slip into her stomach when she speak and does something that excites her to her core, whether it is talking about her dreams, chasing and reaching a goal or just get enthusiastic when the desire and magnitude of what makes her happy and which she is fanatical about, pours out of her like lava from a very active volcano.

She concedes that her being honest and vulnerable is not a weakness, but a strength, how candid she can be, as this is an extension of who she is, as she had to rip the masks and facades off, piece by piece, bit by bit, to be who she has become.

 

She admits that she loves fiercly, she wears her heart on her sleeve, she loves herself, who she once was, who she is now and who she is yet to become; love is what drives her, it is her language, the unspoken language that surrounds her and is reflected in her aura and energy that surrounds her.

 

She accepts that her weird sense of humour is what makes her funny and in most cases hilarious in her own right, that even when she mumbles and gets tongue-tied that what she tries to articulate still gets across; her words is just one way she communicates.

 

Being in Wonderland is making her comprehend all that she was, all that she has shed, from the negativity and self-doubt, to the insecurities and fear. Before she even leapt down that rabbit hole, she was already someone who would just blossom and flourish in this new environment, as she creates it as she moves along.

 

Like she promised him, she won’t ever change who she is, who she fought to become, who she is meant to be, because this is the version that she is supposed to be, and this is why he is so captivated by all that she is.

Let It Go (Own Advice)

 

If someone could just tell me why it is so difficult to follow one’s own advice? I mean not that as if I am sitting around being- ask “Miss JO” or “Agony Aunt” or as if I am dishing out advice to anyone who seems in need of it. But is so easy to dish out spoonful’s of advice to others and yet when one has to take that same advice, it is as if there is a short circuit somewhere in the brain, almost like load shedding, it just isn’t that easy to do and take. I totally and utterly suck when it comes to following my own advice, okay, let me be honest; I do give some killer advice and a mean pep-talk, but somehow sometimes I just don’t want to take my own.

 

I recently had this nagging feeling that there are certain things in my life that I need to let go off, and of course my horoscope also kept on referring to that as well. For some or other reason I always thought that I had let that thing go, but to my surprise (not as if it was really a surprise) I haven’t. It is one of those situations where it unconsciously controls certain aspects of your life that you aren’t even aware off. I never really addressed this issue, because I mean I was so over it and I kind of made peace with it in my own way, and guess what, I didn’t.

 

So what triggered this “event” where I decided to address the hidden issue and follow my own advice?

 

I like to binge watch series (that is literally one of my guilty pleasures), and I came across Being Mary Jane. Well I won’t give away the plot and what it is about, but I personally think that whatever books we read, programs we watch, we all interpret it in different ways. There is of course a central message in the story or plot, but just as unique as you are, that is the unique experience or message you take away from whatever medium it is that you dealt with and came into contact with.

But anyway back to my explanation, as I was watching this series, the issue of letting go pops up, a lot…so this literally had me thinking about my life, or certain aspects that I mask so good, situations I dealt with but not to the point of actually letting it go (and yet I wondered why some states had me by the balls), sweeping things under the carpet per say. So I realised that I have to start taking my own advice, I can so easily tell someone else how to approach a situation and how to deal with it (experience of course), but when I have to do it myself, it is F’n difficult.

 

So I just decided to put my big girl panties on and follow my own advice (also what I took from the series) and start letting go of things that is silently dragging me down and pulling me back. The moment you start to tell yourself to let go, you start to look for far-fetched reasons not to, telling yourself that you have it under control, that you don’t have a problem (admitting that is a problem is crucial), but at the end of the day, the way your heart, mind and soul feels, will tell you, that you have to let it go.

 

For 9 years I have been holding on to something, obviously I thought I let it go a long time ago, I mean, I dealt with it in my own way or should I say the “mature” way at that time, I gave myself a pep-talk and figured I was over it. But a few weeks ago I just came to the realisation that unconsciously I have been holding on to this particular situation, decisions I have made, words I have spoken and the way I defended or hid the true nature of what was actually going on. I guess I just realised if I didn’t let it go now, the next 9years would revolt in a more toxic condition, and instead of moving on, this back and forth would continue and I would just keep on being stuck in this quicksand that already swallowed me whole.

 

So how did listening to my own advice help me?

I decided to be honest with myself, being honest with oneself is probably one of the hardest things to do, we are preconceived to wear masks and show a façade, but that moment when we take that mask off and look ourselves in the mirror, who looks back at us? What truth is revealed?  The moment I started being honest with myself, I realised the reason why I haven’t truly let this go, was because somehow I was still hoping that there was a slight chance that things would and could change (dumb right? nope). I realised that I was so fixated on emotions that I think I felt or might have felt, that I was willing to settle for the least, just so I didn’t fully have to let it go, I realised that I still care more than I was aware off. I realised that I love and appreciate myself more than anything and that this subconscious sweeping under the carpet of this situation doesn’t resonate with the person that I fought so hard to become. I realised by being honest with myself I gained the power to be honest with those around me, to not apologise for what I feel and why I do, I realised that I was the one who chose to stay in this position, because it was familiar, because letting go would mean that it truly will be the end.

I just realised that it is okay to let it go, to let go of the constant back and forth, the swings and misses, hanging onto something, a feeling, that will slowly kill parts of you and will let you miss out on what is already in your life and that yet to come. By letting go, you are taking a leap of Faith (and having Faith has also been prominent lately), by letting go, you are freeing yourself, by letting go you regain power, by letting go and basically just free falling, is exactly when you start spreading your wings and flying.

Then you have yourself saying “I should have taken my own advice a long time ago- as the tears turns to smiles, because no matter what, faith”.

Leap down the Rabbit Hole- Part 2

 

As she wandered down the path, still high on all that has happened, she gets lost in herself, and she gets lost in her mind, trying to make sense of it all. She didn’t know what she had expected as she was falling down the rabbit hole, but whatever she might have expected was not even remotely close to what she was busy experiencing. As she gazes up at the sky and down at the ground, it is as if the sky is the brightest shade of blue that she has ever seen, as if the clouds were puffs of candyfloss floating in a beautiful piece of art, the grass tickled her feet and made her giggle like she hasn’t giggled in the longest time and as she kept walking every step her giggles turned into laughs, the laughs that came from within her soul and heart, turning into a song of happiness.

 

What she didn’t realise is, that time wasn’t a concept in the wonderland that she finds herself in. first, time seems to go by so quickly and then all of a sudden it just slows down, it slows downs as if everything is put into slow motion. She is usually so used to wanting things to happen fast and the way that she wants it to happen, this wonderland forces her to be present, it asks of her to feel, experience and embrace all the different types of thoughts and emotions that engulfs her as she steps-steps her way through this new place. She regularly finds herself lost in her own mind, lost in thought, lost in scenario’s that she creates, trying to figure things out, trying to be in control. And here she is learning patience, as the candyfloss clouds floats by effortlessly, as the grass pricks her feet and the sound of the wondrous surroundings just flows through every part of her being, like the veins through her body. For a minute when time seemed to pass ever so slowly, she just wanted to tap her heels together and wanted to go home, and she realised that she wasn’t Dorothy and the only way out is through. Here she becomes present, here she is starting to learn patience, here she is just being, being without knowing how or why, here she lost in a wonderland of new, weird and wonderful things and yet this is where she feels most at home, this is where she feels herself.

 

As she gets lost in thought being mesmerized by all the wonder that surrounds her, she loses track of time, she remembers the eyes that met hers when she first landed on the grass while coming to her senses, the eyes that she somehow got lost in, the eyes that glistened with a familiarity that she knew was one of the reasons she found herself in this land of wonder. It is funny, because somehow months had gone past and she found herself finding and exploring new avenues within this new experience, but it didn’t even feel all that long. Was it because she wasn’t living in her head anymore, was it because she was present in everything that she was going through, was it that for the first time she decided to just let go, to trust, to have faith, like when she took that leap down the hole.

 

She somehow found that she had a new sense of adventure within her, she found that she was more courageous than she has ever been before, she found that she was more confident, she found that she had this immense craving to try and want to do different things that scared her, things that has failed in the past, things that she would make her grow mentally, spiritually and physically. She had this new found allure to her, she always had it, but it is only know that it seemed to bloom, like a butterfly finally emerging from its cocoon. As she became more aware of her surroundings that is when she started to blossom, almost as if her embracing her surroundings, seemed to transcend and elevate the vibes and energy that she was embodying and sending out.

 

As the path before her seems long and strenuous, especially because she isn’t aware of what is around the bend or even further down the path, because there is no roadmaps, no road signs; the only signs and way of navigation she has, is the stars that light up the night sky like a bunch of fireflies against a dark canvas, the butterflies leading her to the most beautiful flowers, the little pieces of cakes with the words eat me and the bottles saying drink me, and this was all the signs she needed, because she was present. She listened to the voice of the wind, to the chirp of the birds, she listened to her heart, to her soul, as she followed the path, step by step.

She is in a whole new world, a world that she has dreamed off, a world where magic is at her fingertips, a world where those eyes that she gazed into is her compass, her guide, her true north, a world where endless possibilities awaits her, a world where she is a familiar stranger; this is her hole after all, the hole she leapt down.