Leap down the rabbit hole Part 4 (InStillness)

 

As she navigates her way through this unknown world, this captivating magically mystical world she finds herself in. She cannot help but wonder what and where she will eventually end up. She still pinches herself to make sure that she isn’t dreaming, and if this had really become her reality. When she leapt down that rabbit hole she could never have anticipated all that she would see, all that she would realise, all that she had to encounter, all the new and scary things that she had to go through and all this is part of the unknown that now strikes a new-found awareness.

 

As she sits in silence wondering what her next move will be, what steps she needs to take in order the journey forth, her mind wonders to a million different places and events. In the stillness is where she makes sense of it all, if it all makes sense she doesn’t know yet, but she knows it all seems a little bit clearer now.

 

She always fought the biggest fights against her heart and mind. Her heart and mind being in total contradiction of her needs and wants, what is realistic and what is fantasy, does she need to stay, or does she need to go, does she follow through and preserve despite all the bumps and bruises or does she give up and walk away relieved yet defeated. But as she sits in silence basking in the vibration of all that was and all that is, she knows that this journey thus far has been exactly what she had to experience, laughs and cries and all.

 

She used to think it was okay to play small, or when it happened when she was shrunken to a teeny bit of herself, finding herself lost in a maze of discoveries to be unlocked. As she hid behind the bushes and seek shelter from all the unknown threats, and even all the majestic surprises. For a minute she was okay with it, for a while she was okay with having to hide and walk in the shadows to remain hidden and safe. But that she knew that remaining small was not what this journey was busy teaching her. As she moved through this maze, the intricate turns, the multiple hiding places, she became more aware. She became more attentive to all she was once oblivious to, she became aware of the millions of little particles that plays a role to grow. For so long she was fixated on the big bigger and how all would eventually fit together that she neglected to also take in all the small moments. Whether it was the victory of being able to jump over a little puddle or holding tight when the winds blew in all directions, or even just being able to smile when all she wanted to do was cry. It was those shadows that scared her most, not knowing what hid behind the next corner, whether it would be a dead end again or whether that would lead to the opening that she hoped for. But despite being small she tightened those buckles on her shoes, pulled up her stockings and ventured forth, using the shadows to guide her through the maze. In being small she found that she was stronger than she was aware off, that she was significant despite her size, that becoming mindful of all the little elaborate surroundings, that somehow it starts to make sense how the whole bigger picture will eventually be formed. Being small, embracing and becoming aware of the surroundings is what made it possible to eventually navigate through the maze. She found being small gave her necessary resources and mindfulness to move through the darkness and with every passing shadow she grew taller, prouder, stronger as all these little things are lessons throughout her journey.

 

Being small, made her appreciate how big she was. It made her view that big picture in a new and mindful way. She had always known that, that big picture (that waved and winked at her in the distance and gave her a taste of how it will feel, look and smell when she ultimately attained it by getting glimpses more often than she would have liked- I mean the journey was and is already strenuous to state it mildly) was and will always be hers to acquire. Whenever she felt a glimpse of the bigger picture so often she got totally and utterly engulfed in it all that she neglected to be aware of all the smaller parts that had and still must flow together for that big picture to come to full fruition.

 

As she sits in stillness, she starts balancing out the energies, the energy of all that she learned when she was small, all she had to become aware of all over again, all she had to embrace to make this journey all it is and have been thus far. By seeing the big picture in the distance, she knows that is more than just attainable, but also that she shouldn’t get so fixated on that, that she gets lost in what is yet to come and not fully be engulfed in the small little moments that build up to that moment. In stillness she finds gratitude, in stillness she finds peace in her journey and know that she would jump down that hole again, bruises, bumps and all. She is braver than she was before, more resilient, more appreciative to the surrounding beauty, whether it be darkness for a bit or light throughout. The leap down the rabbit hole, is how her journey started, pushing forward, seeing and feeling all the glorious magical surprises that awaits her throughout.

As she sits gently, she awaits her next step in this enchanted journey. Aware and ready, step by step, jumping over puddles or floating on fluffy clouds, it is her journey down the rabbit hole.

Leap down the Rabbit Hole- Part 2

 

As she wandered down the path, still high on all that has happened, she gets lost in herself, and she gets lost in her mind, trying to make sense of it all. She didn’t know what she had expected as she was falling down the rabbit hole, but whatever she might have expected was not even remotely close to what she was busy experiencing. As she gazes up at the sky and down at the ground, it is as if the sky is the brightest shade of blue that she has ever seen, as if the clouds were puffs of candyfloss floating in a beautiful piece of art, the grass tickled her feet and made her giggle like she hasn’t giggled in the longest time and as she kept walking every step her giggles turned into laughs, the laughs that came from within her soul and heart, turning into a song of happiness.

 

What she didn’t realise is, that time wasn’t a concept in the wonderland that she finds herself in. first, time seems to go by so quickly and then all of a sudden it just slows down, it slows downs as if everything is put into slow motion. She is usually so used to wanting things to happen fast and the way that she wants it to happen, this wonderland forces her to be present, it asks of her to feel, experience and embrace all the different types of thoughts and emotions that engulfs her as she steps-steps her way through this new place. She regularly finds herself lost in her own mind, lost in thought, lost in scenario’s that she creates, trying to figure things out, trying to be in control. And here she is learning patience, as the candyfloss clouds floats by effortlessly, as the grass pricks her feet and the sound of the wondrous surroundings just flows through every part of her being, like the veins through her body. For a minute when time seemed to pass ever so slowly, she just wanted to tap her heels together and wanted to go home, and she realised that she wasn’t Dorothy and the only way out is through. Here she becomes present, here she is starting to learn patience, here she is just being, being without knowing how or why, here she lost in a wonderland of new, weird and wonderful things and yet this is where she feels most at home, this is where she feels herself.

 

As she gets lost in thought being mesmerized by all the wonder that surrounds her, she loses track of time, she remembers the eyes that met hers when she first landed on the grass while coming to her senses, the eyes that she somehow got lost in, the eyes that glistened with a familiarity that she knew was one of the reasons she found herself in this land of wonder. It is funny, because somehow months had gone past and she found herself finding and exploring new avenues within this new experience, but it didn’t even feel all that long. Was it because she wasn’t living in her head anymore, was it because she was present in everything that she was going through, was it that for the first time she decided to just let go, to trust, to have faith, like when she took that leap down the hole.

 

She somehow found that she had a new sense of adventure within her, she found that she was more courageous than she has ever been before, she found that she was more confident, she found that she had this immense craving to try and want to do different things that scared her, things that has failed in the past, things that she would make her grow mentally, spiritually and physically. She had this new found allure to her, she always had it, but it is only know that it seemed to bloom, like a butterfly finally emerging from its cocoon. As she became more aware of her surroundings that is when she started to blossom, almost as if her embracing her surroundings, seemed to transcend and elevate the vibes and energy that she was embodying and sending out.

 

As the path before her seems long and strenuous, especially because she isn’t aware of what is around the bend or even further down the path, because there is no roadmaps, no road signs; the only signs and way of navigation she has, is the stars that light up the night sky like a bunch of fireflies against a dark canvas, the butterflies leading her to the most beautiful flowers, the little pieces of cakes with the words eat me and the bottles saying drink me, and this was all the signs she needed, because she was present. She listened to the voice of the wind, to the chirp of the birds, she listened to her heart, to her soul, as she followed the path, step by step.

She is in a whole new world, a world that she has dreamed off, a world where magic is at her fingertips, a world where those eyes that she gazed into is her compass, her guide, her true north, a world where endless possibilities awaits her, a world where she is a familiar stranger; this is her hole after all, the hole she leapt down.