Leap down the rabbit hole. part 6

 

She found herself wandering further and further down the path. In awe of every beautiful thing that surrounds her, from the perfectly blue skies and the fluffy clouds painted across the vast canvas. The birds chirping their happy song, makes her heart flutter and her feet tap in synchronicity with each step she takes. This path seems to become more daunting the further she moves through this magical place, pathways become narrower. The braver she becomes, the more she doubts if taking that leap down the rabbit hole was the right choice. She must keep reminding herself that it is just fear fuelling her doubts, and that she will overcome this fear, just like she has slayed all that has been in her path before, trying to sway and keep her from exploring this magical journey that was set out for her.

 

Letting go has been the biggest test for her, letting go of all the preconceived notions she became conditioned to before she found herself in this wonderous world. Letting go of her masks, the facades she carried around. Letting go of her Ego, an ego filled with needing validation and acceptance, an Ego filled characteristics she so badly wanted to run away from, an ego she could no longer keep feeding, as all the illusions fell away, and humility brought her to her knees with every step, dark cloud and storm that greeted her on this path. There was no place for ego in this new world she found herself in, anything based on fear would be torn away, as only love and humility would guide her through the traitorous walk way.  So many things on this pathway has been mere illusion, projections of fear and cycles needing to be closed out. All the difficult battles she had to fight to get through to the next stage, even when she thought she wouldn’t get through or over it, was based on fear, and as soon as she moved in harmony with her spirit, her courage started to peak, and slowly she started to put those fears to bed, and ended cycles that kept on repeating, in order for her to gain the knowledge and wisdom to catapult her further on  her journey.

 

Standing and speaking her truth has been a crucial part of this journey. It seemed the more she started to embrace her truth, delving deep into her psyche, understanding her knowing, acknowledging her buried emotions, she set herself free. She set herself free from pain that she has carried around for the longest time, pain that clung so hard to the walls of her heart, pain supressed deep in her mind, a type of pain she became accustomed to live with, until it slowly started creeping out from within her, where she could no longer deny it, where she couldn’t mask the symptoms anymore, and had to go deep down to that root and pluck it out for good. So, when all those dark clouds approached in formation, she knew that that silver lining was winking at her, with every truth she accepted, she gave way for a piece of pain to be released and tarnished. She no longer allowed her pain and the symptoms there off to consume her body, her mind, her spirit, her soul. Realising that it hurt most to conceal and cover up all these scars behind a mask, that the weight just kept getting heavier and weighed her down, that all these walls she built around herself didn’t permit for any of these low vibrational feelings to exist and that she blocked the high vibrational feelings at the same time.

 

She realised that standing and owning her truth meant to be completely honest, to not be selective with the truths she wished to acknowledge. Accepting who she truly is, is what this journey had in store for her. This journey needed her to stand her ground, to speak up for herself, to claim her power. By speaking her truth, she had to let go of fear-based thoughts, overthinking, over rationalising, creating scenario’s (that seemed to be her biggest escape), and face everything that was inside of her. So long on this journey as she overcame obstacles around every bend, the challenges seemed to just get more difficult instead of easier. But she is resilient and with every challenge overcome, she levelled up in bravery, newly found strength she didn’t even knew she had. By speaking her truth, she accessed her true vulnerable state, the vulnerable state where she let go of fears, being so honest about her true feelings, without being consumed by the what if’s, the what not’s, the maybe’s and worrying if things will be the same.

She embraced these feelings, as she became vulnerable, everything she felt and spoke, came from a place of love. The deep place of love that is indescribably freeing. As soon as she let go of all her inhibitions and fear-based thinking and worrying, a sense of freedom and serenity started to spill over her. She started doing and acting from a place of true unconditional love, the love that she had for herself. She was no longer fixated on the outcome, the when’s and the how’s. all that she knew was that she had this strong conviction, spilling from deep from her soul, that she indeed is stepping into her true Divine Feminine power and that there is only place for love. That what ever will happen on her path, she will approach it with love, that no matter how she would rather remain quiet than cause conflict, she realised with deep faith that what stems from her soul is love, and that loving herself and remaining true to her path, required her to act and speak from a place of this deep unconditional love.

 

Letting go required her to go deep within, to be truly vulnerable and this is fuelled by the unconditional love she has for herself. Letting go brought freedom, the freedom that feels like finally being found and in a serene place. She knows this path and all its things is meant for her, to be her true powerful self, and as soon as she really let go, love elevated her, love is her strength in vulnerability. This Divine Feminine power that she embodies as she further struts down this pathway, bends and all, her Love and vulnerability is her super power, as she slays away all the bad and sees that silver lining shine in all its glory.

Beautiful One : Until you realise

Until you realise that you are enough, nothing will change
Until you become aware that you are a deserving soul, you will always second guess
Until you realise you are worthy, you will always settle
Until you realise that you are love, you will always seek it in your surroundings

Beautiful girl
Don’t you know that you are a gift
A perfectly crafted creation, the embodiment of love
You are more than the body that houses your unique soul
You are the brightness of stars from galaxies throughout time
You are the warmth of the sun that burns those unworthy of your shine
You are melodies sung by the waves of the ocean
You are as free as the wind that blows from east to west, from north to south
You are mother nature in human form
You are birth and rebirth in tune with the cycles of the seasons
My beautiful one, life is born from within you

Your voice sweeter than honey drops
Your smile brighter than the evening star
Your eyes the windows of the soul
Your mind the library of knowledge
Your heart the capsule of unconditional love
Your feet firmly planted in humbleness
Your hands eagerly creating

The coldness of winter will come, you will feel barren, but this is just a time to slumber and replenish
The spring will come, you will sprout, renewed and refreshed
Oh how worthy you are,
Oh how graceful you are
Oh my beautiful one, you have always been

Johyphendene

Selfish to Self-exploration

This one conversation keeps popping up in my head. It was about two years ago, I remember being so completely honest and confident in what I had to say. “The next few years I want to focus on myself, I want to do what makes me happy, I want to explore all possibilities that life has to offer me, I am going to be selfish, I want to shift my attention towards my goals, dreams, my career prospects and aspirations. And of course I want to find love and have someone to share my life with and all this will come at the right time when it is supposed too; and if I do meet that someone along my journey, he will know where my head is at, and if he wants to continue on this journey with me, helping me grow into the best version of myself, that would be wonderfully amazing, but if he doesn’t get the concept of where my head and heart is at, well feel free to leave”.

 

When I spoke these words, I think at that point my focus was mostly based on my career prospects and living out my passions that burned deep inside of my soul. What I didn’t know was by speaking those words into the Universe, I opened a part of myself that needed to be paid attention too. Yes, I had this concept of who I am, who I want to be and aspired too, I basically had the big picture in my mind, but not the how…all I knew was, that I had to focus on myself, selfishly. It is rather funny as I look back on that conversation and realise just how much growth I have experienced, it may not seem significant to some, but to me, it is life changing.

I was so focussed on progressing and becoming the me that I know I can be, but somehow facing blockages, as if the progress was stagnant. Little did I know that being selfish and focussing on myself, meant delving into every little part of my brain, corners of my heart and fragments of my soul.

Selfishly focussed on myself started to mean the following (and I think I’m realising this, as I am typing right now):

Speaking my truth, not only speaking of selected experiences that has shaped me throughout my adult life thus far (which often I wanted to just be the good) but speaking all of it. Taking the road of exploration deep within, as far back as my childhood. Fixing wounds that was metaphorically swept under the rug, reliving experiences, finding out how it impacted me and how it still impacts me to this day…trust me, the ripple effect has a lasting effect, whether you want to admit it or not.

Being grateful, not just for all that I have and all that will still flourish in my life, but for every experience and person that has ever crossed my path, whether it was smooth sailing or road blocks, white flags or even those dreaded red ones. In each experience a feeling of gratitude rises, whether a good or bad situation, in the end it shapes you.

Being confident flowed into becoming content. By being happy with who this woman is, I became content, I became satisfied with myself and my abilities, with my journey, my path and where I am in this present moment. So, if you see that I am confident, that is because I am content, and I think I only realise now confidence in contentment is what I was in search of.

It was never my aim to be intriguing, but I am aware that there are question marks hanging around my head like, who is she? why does she do what she does? Can I pick her brain? What will I learn from her? And the list goes on. I just see it if I am intriguing, it just means that there is more to my story, my persona, way more than meets the eye.

And why I have this intriguing aura around me, stems from the profoundness that is cradled within. So maybe sometimes I come across as being overpowering or overwhelming, even insightful and deep, all this is because I take all the experiences that has shaped me thus far and see what lessons it was trying to teach me, take that knowledge to heart and make it part of my truth, or wrong phrasing, it already is a part of me, from the moment I lived it.

Being selfish meant, that I had to be more selective, selective of what and who I give my energy to freely, selective of things I allow in my life, selective of what feels good to me, what feeds my soul, what nourishes me, selective of all that makes my light shine brighter and drives the darkness away.

Focussing on myself means that I had to start to reconnect to myself, I had to get to know myself again, what irritates me, what inspires me, what makes my heart race, what makes my tears flow. Having to tap into my emotions and feel every emotion fully, if I am sad I am deep down in the pits of sadness, if I am happy I am jumping on the moon happy. By feeling all my emotions, it gives me a chance to feel completely and experience what it must teach me.

By staying focussed on myself, I am not only progressing my career (which was the most important thing to me at that time), but I am more focussed on my growth as a person, as a woman. I am focussed on self-awareness, focussed on self-development, focussed on self- love, focussed on self- worth, focussed on turning vulnerabilities into strengths, focussed on being the best version of myself. Someone who speaks her truth and no longer allows society to dictate her behaviour, her passions, her journey.

 

So, as I look back at on that conversation, I have indeed been selfish, not in the way that I may have anticipated, but in a way that I am beyond grateful for. I may not be where I want to be yet, but I know I am well on my way. For now, I will remain present in this journey of self-exploration and selfishness, significant growth I have made thus far, and I am proud of myself. I figured big accolades would be what I wanted at this point, but self-gratification wins hands down and knowing just how far I have come…

And here is where I pat myself on the back and keep on pushing forward.

Leap down the Rabbit HOLE – part3 (the promise)

 

She was still so fascinated by the clear blue sky and the fluffy clouds moving in a swift rhythm that she walked without looking down once. As the grass still tingled on the soles of her feet, she suddenly fell to the ground…she stumbled over a little bush and when she looked up a wonderful oasis awaited her.

What she was seeing was a little retreat, looking as if it was just created for her, well it was created for her, and even her name was written on the place card at the table. As she walked around the table, being in awe of what she was observing, from the happy juice to the treats and book of spells that was laid out, just for her. Just when was in a mesmerized daze as she took all this in, as her smile just got bigger and bigger, there he stood in front of her. Now she was truly wondering what this wonderland that she found herself was all about. She found herself mumbling utterances, at least in her head it made sense, but as soon as those words reached her mouth and tried to escape from her mouth, she just got all tongue-tied. It was as if his gaze just had her bewildered and all she wanted to say could be seen in her eyes and the gigantic smile that adorned her face. The utterances that spilled from her mouth and didn’t make sense at all was perfectly formed by his lips, everything she wanted to get out, he already knew; was this really magic? Has she really found herself in wonderland?

As they sat down surrounded by the beauty of the forest, the light breeze cooling her as she felt hotter than the sun’s rays on this warm day. Her sentences started to become fluent, it seemed the longer she looked into his eyes, a sense of calm just moves over her, okay it might be the happy juice as well. As she became more comfortable, she became herself in a way that even surprised her, but he wasn’t surprised, not in the least. She didn’t know if he cast a spell with that book of spells that laid on the table, but is serenity just pulled her in deeper and opening herself felt like the most natural thing in the world.

As he looked into her eyes, he told her or no he asked her if she would promise him one thing… obviously she was flabbergasted, because what on earth would he want her to promise; with great certainty she said Yes before knowing what she was promising too… he said, “please don’t ever change who you are”…

Okay, she already promised, but if she wasn’t staggered before, now she truly was.

She had to process this bit of newly found information, she was swimming around in her mind and wondering why he would ask her something like this. Maybe he had sipped too much on the happy juice, because what made her so special that he didn’t want her to change. The more she tried to look for answers, the more she couldn’t find a reason or why he would feel that specific way. But the more she thought about that phrase, the more sense it made, but clearly he saw something in her, something that she doesn’t necessarily see in herself, but something that captured him in a way that neither of them could have anticipated.

 

As she wondered what made her so special that he didn’t ever want her to change and she realised, what isn’t there that doesn’t make her special.

 

She finally understood that who she is now, she fought to become and that being in wonderland made her realise this.

She understood that her being comfortable in her own skin was something she worked hard on, with all the stereotypes and what beauty is supposed to look like; the moment she embraced all that made her unique her, from her hair, to her skin, her mind, her heart, that is when her beauty started blooming, because she was just truly and honestly herself and doing it for herself.

She recognized that her spirit reflects how and what she feels about herself and others; the way she spoke positivity into her own life, how she let go of any negative thoughts and emotions that tried to infiltrate her life, the way she owned the distinctive quirks that is true to her.

She acknowledges how her passion is reflected in her eyes, in her voice, in her smile, in her energy. The way butterflies slip into her stomach when she speak and does something that excites her to her core, whether it is talking about her dreams, chasing and reaching a goal or just get enthusiastic when the desire and magnitude of what makes her happy and which she is fanatical about, pours out of her like lava from a very active volcano.

She concedes that her being honest and vulnerable is not a weakness, but a strength, how candid she can be, as this is an extension of who she is, as she had to rip the masks and facades off, piece by piece, bit by bit, to be who she has become.

 

She admits that she loves fiercly, she wears her heart on her sleeve, she loves herself, who she once was, who she is now and who she is yet to become; love is what drives her, it is her language, the unspoken language that surrounds her and is reflected in her aura and energy that surrounds her.

 

She accepts that her weird sense of humour is what makes her funny and in most cases hilarious in her own right, that even when she mumbles and gets tongue-tied that what she tries to articulate still gets across; her words is just one way she communicates.

 

Being in Wonderland is making her comprehend all that she was, all that she has shed, from the negativity and self-doubt, to the insecurities and fear. Before she even leapt down that rabbit hole, she was already someone who would just blossom and flourish in this new environment, as she creates it as she moves along.

 

Like she promised him, she won’t ever change who she is, who she fought to become, who she is meant to be, because this is the version that she is supposed to be, and this is why he is so captivated by all that she is.

Do You

 

Have you ever done something for yourself? You know the kind of thing where your only concern is what you think and how it affects you (most probably, okay always a positive). How many times have you done things not because you actually want or desire too, but because you do it for the benefit of someone else; for someone else’s advantage, for their acceptance, to please them, because you think you do what is expected of you. So when are you going to start doing something for yourself? You know, for your benefit, for your acceptance, something you can proudly pat yourself on the back for, because you did it for yourself, for nobody else and it makes you ecstatically happy when you do so.

 

I actually like the saying “Do you Boo-Boo, Do you”, you know why? Because the moment you start to do you, doing what makes you happy, you instantaneously become a happier better version of yourself. The moment you start pleasing yourself and your desires, everything else literally just falls into place. When you do things that makes you happy, it starts to show in your life, you radiate happiness, joy and peace, because you fulfil your needs and wants, you make your heart happy, you do what is right for your body, mind and soul.

This is where self-acceptance comes into play, you want to know why? So many times we want the acceptance and acknowledgement from those around us, that we not only forget and lose ourselves in the process, but we are so fixated on the opinions and approval of others that we will do whatever it takes to get accepted. This is where you do things to please others, like going to the gym because someone said they will like you more if you lost weight or joining some or other social group because everyone is doing it and you know that you hate every waking moment of it (But u know u want to be part of the “cool kids”).

So when do you decide to do things for yourself? And why do you decide that in the first place? Well as soon as you realise that the only approval you need is that from within and of yourself, well then you start doing it. I remember Khloe Kardashian once said, that the moment she started her healthy lifestyle change journey, there were people who said they didn’t like the new her and she looked better when she was a bit bigger; she just said she realised that she was doing this for herself and if she wasn’t happy and confident in who she was, all the opinions and comments would have made her doubt what she is doing and would make her do things to please others. How beautiful and profound is this though? When you start doing things because it makes you feel good, because it is what moves you, what thrills you and just resonates with the vibrations of your soul, this is self-acceptance.

 

It is so difficult to motivate yourself when you have to do things you don’t necessarily want too and especially when you do it for the benefit of others; but the moment you do things for yourself you know it makes your heart smile and your mind glow, and finding ways to motivate yourself becomes second nature, it becomes so natural like breathing. When you realise that you need the acceptance of yourself and do what makes you happy, those whose opinions and acceptance you once thought was such a vital and crucial part of who you are, just fades. When you Do you, you attract those who accept you for who you are and loves every part of who you are, especially because you radiate self-acceptance, self-love and you are more than comfortable with who and what you are, because after all, you are Doing you Boo-Boo.

happiness of self

 

Have you ever done something just because you wanted to do it for yourself? No pressure, no outside influence, no person to impress but yourself. Have you ever just felt that the only person that you need to impress at the end of the day is yourself? Obviously there is a vast amount of pressure when you want to do some or other thing for yourself and this pressure doesn’t necessarily come from within, but mostly from outside, external influences.

 

I am an extremely sensitive person, you won’t ever say that when you see my badass exterior, but hey didn’t you know that looks can ultimately be deceiving. The past few years or let’s say for the past two years I made a decision to start doing things for myself. When I say doing things for myself; I mean that every decision I make is based on how it will make me feel, what the best will be for me and no longer to impress anyone screaming comments from the side-lines or voicing opinions that in the past made me doubt myself and my abilities. So many times we do things to impress or for the benefit of others, there is nothing wrong to do things to benefit others, but the moment you start doing so and no longer have a clear vision of who and what you are, as you lost yourself in the process.

 

I started writing for myself, actually I started writing to make sense of who and what Jo-dene is, who she was and who she is supposed to be. With every letter and word I write it is actually me talking to myself, about myself; what is going on in my head, heart and body and me just trying to make sense of what is happening in the present, why things happened in the past and to have a positive outlook for the future. I write to make sense of my truths, of what makes me happy, what makes me sad, I write because it makes me feel whole. So as I started my journey as a writer I sometimes wrote for other people, I started to write for the ‘Likes’, ‘Comments’ and ‘Followers’, as soon as I started doing that, I started to suffer from major writers block, I started to doubt if what I laid down on paper was good enough, if it would attract the attention that I was seeking and wanted. As I wrote for the external opinions, I started to lose the thing that made me whole. There is nothing as wonderful as people complimenting you on a well written piece, there is nothing as exciting as getting positive feedback and people wanting more, but there is nothing as disappointing  when the compliments start to dry up and the positive feedback just completely stops. But then you start to think, why you are doing this in the first place; are you doing it to get recognition from you’re your peers (and yes obviously getting recognition is absolutely amazing), are you doing it to be loved and adored, or do you do it because it literally is the only thing that makes sense no matter which way you twist and turn it and because it is the part that makes you whole.

 

As thrilling and amazing as the positive opinions and comments of others are, the actual opinion and comment that actually matter is that of your own. No matter how many times you want to do things to impress others at the end of the day, you have to be impressed with yourself and how it makes you feel. Whenever I finish writing a piece, I get this rush of adrenaline shooting through my body, an attack of butterflies in my stomach, goose bumps creeping on my skin and an uncontrollable smile radiating from a place of happiness from within. It is only when I write for myself, when I reveal truths so deeply hidden, thoughts so mingled up, fears that I want to overcome, desires that I yearn for and dreams that I am slowly attaining, it is only then when it feels right. There is just something amazing about approving oneself, about loving oneself, one’s artistry, something wonderful about doing what makes you so tremendously happy, that if it sits well in your heart and soul, then that is the only approval that you need, want and seek.

The moment you start doing things for yourself, things that makes your heart pound out of your chest as adrenaline pumps through your veins as happiness pours over every inch of your body, that is when you know you are doing the right thing, that you are on the right path. Yes accolades and recognition would be wonderful, but the same positive opinions of others can turn to negative ones tomorrow. So give yourself a round of applause, give yourself a high 5 and get high on the happy feeling that fills you up every time you do something for yourself, that makes your soul light up, your heart smile and your body and mind radiate the self-approval, self-love, self-confidence, self-acceptance and happiness of self that comes from within.

genuinely candidly Myself

There is absolutely nothing wrong with unapologetically, candidly being yourself. The past few weeks I have been addressing the issue of just being myself, to not only be comfortable in my skin (which I am), but being comfortable enough to be myself, when it comes to voicing my opinion, being this weird, wacky, free spirited person that I am. I am also very reserved, it all depends on my mood, how I feel at a specific time, but I decided to just be myself and surprising events has arose from it.

To be yourself means that not everyone will like you, their views and opinions may be different to yours and do you really want to change things about yourself to please others and then not being true to yourself. So if I have to be myself there will be tons of people who do not like me, do I care? No. I after all have to like myself, I have to live with myself when no one else is around, so why can’t I be the same person in public and in private, why do I have to put on different faces, to please different people. Okay, so some people won’t be able to handle my personality, I have heard countless time that I am trying to hard or trying to be impressive, but I am not. I am fortunate and blessed to have a good general knowledge, I have been actively reading anything from a library book to different types of magazines and newspapers on a daily basis since the time I was old enough to read. I am interested in different things, thus why I read; to accumulate knowledge and to be well informed, isn’t that the reason behind learning? So if I talk about sports, it is because I actually play and watch different sports, because it is interesting; if I talk about current events, politics, I do so, because I am a curious one, and I have my own thoughts and opinions and not just because I want to show off, but being well informed helps make better choices from a knowledgeable perspective.

When you are open to being truly yourself, you attract amazing things to yourself, whether it be opportunities, contacts, wonderful friendships, relationships, things that make you feel good about who and what you are. When you are comfortably yourself, it is almost as if you ooze confidence, have you ever been told by someone that you are something else? That you are like a breath of fresh air? And you just respond with “this is who I am, this is me, and this is how I always am”. There comes a certain level of ease when you are just being yourself, the energy and vibes you send out, are a direct reflection of what you feel inside, the fact that you are content in your own skin, that you are filled with happiness with who you are; that you don’t allow negative thoughts and experiences to impact you in a way that won’t allow personal and positive growth, in who you are and what you want to achieve and be.

I met a view new people over the weekend, I did some work for them, and if I wasn’t who I am, I wouldn’t have made new contacts, I wouldn’t have built new relationships and I’m just glad I am who I am. They say energy attracts, so if you are oozing confidence and just radiate this glowing personality, you attract what you need and want. If you are comfortable with who you are, others becomes comfortable with who you are (no matter the size of the personality), if you are positive you attract positivity, if you have this burning desire and passion for what you do, people are able to feel this and you will be surprised just how much your passion ignites a spark not just within yourself, but even those you surround yourself with, even if you just met. Being yourself is the best thing that you can do, I mean if you aren’t going to be yourself, who will be?

So I am unapologetically candidly myself, if it means that I babble non-stop without making sense, if I voice my opinions and come across as being just a little bit conceited, if I am this wild-care-free spirit, this is who I am. I am passionately myself, passionate about who I am, passionate about who I am meant to be, passionate about the love I have for writing and linking different ideas and concepts and bringing them to life. This is me, my personality, and the select view that appreciates and feeds of this energy, those are the people who makes me just love being Me.

confidently natural, naturally confident

I recently, well  9 months ago started wearing my natural hair. So for 9 months I haven’t resorted to any type of treatment to chemically straighten my hair, which leaves me with an afro, yes I have an afro now. It hasn’t been easy, there are just days where I want to dip my whole head into a pot of chemicals and get the straight sleek hair that I got used to for years. The decision to go natural was an impulsive one, the same with all my decisions when it comes to my hair, but this came on after I was rocking a Mohawk for a few months and the fact that I wanted to look more like my brother (he has a fro) and also because I am on the journey of finding myself.

Going natural is a journey for me, a journey of finding myself, a journey of confidence, a journey of finding what works for me and also what doesn’t. Through the years I’ve had a lot of different hairstyles and colours, because well I like experimenting and changing your hair is literally as good as a holiday. So how does confidence even remotely play a role with something as simple as changing the style that you choose to wear your hair?

We get used to being ridiculed or judged by whatever is in fashion, in trend and what is the number 1 go too look at the moment. Sometimes our confidence fluctuates at the speed of changing trends, just as soon as you are accustomed to one trend, the season changes and a brand new hot trend greets you and suddenly your confidence falls because your style doesn’t seem good enough seeing that there is a new kid in town. But then we question style, isn’t it your style, your personal style, what you feel comfortable in, what makes you feel happy and ultimately makes you feel confidently yourself? Fashion changes but ultimately how does it impact your personal style, how does it affect your confidence? Does it want you to jump on every trend train that passes your station or do you take from the trend and style it to suit your taste and what you like. Finding a look that translates who you are; I see style as a look that speaks for you and reveals who you are, but it shows the confidence that you have because you are comfortable in whatever you wear.

In finding yourself you learn what works for you and what doesn’t, what makes you feel good and what just makes you feel horrible. Confidence you find when you know what makes you feel comfortable and happy, it happens when you are sure of yourself, walking tall with poise because you are content with who you are. Any hairstyle, outfit just drapes and showcases the confidence that already exists within you, how you feel about yourself and how content you are in your own skin.

India Arie has this wonderful song I am not my hair and I guess you start to really understand what message it entails when you start to be confident in your own skin. This message doesn’t just constitute or relates to the type of hair you have, the style you choose to wear it in, the clothes you wear or the trends you follow. This song is about being confidently yourself, it is about embracing who and what you are, loving yourself and carrying yourself with the poise and serenity that you are blissfully happy in the skin that is yours. So if you choose to go natural or rock styles of ages, if you do that with confidence that you discover when you are content with the face that looks back at you in the mirror, well then that is all you need.

Your style is the result of a confidently content being happy with who he/she is and that transcends into everyday life. So when you walk into a room and you are dripping in confidence that overflows when you just spark a smile or speak a word, no matter what you are wearing or what type of hairstyle you are rocking, if you wear it confidently, well then, the world is your oyster.

comfortably cinderella

Being comfortable in your own skin is something that comes with age, I guess. By comfortable I mean embracing the flaws and perfections and accepting and loving the you, that you are. It is a transition that starts in a mental space that transcends into the physical. Have someone just ever come up to you and told you that you look amazing, but you feel so dull and want to ask the person if they are mental? But it’s funny how a change in mentality can have the effect of exceeding the view that you have of yourself.

Hitting the mid 20’s used to be such a scary thought, the idea of growing up, but actually the thought of how a person in that age category is supposed to act, supposed to think and do things. Being in your 20’s is all about exploring and finding out who and what you are. It’s about taking the preconceived ideas and setting it to your own ways. It’s about finding out who you are, what makes you tick and finding your own uniqueness and how it can impact your life in a positive way, even turning the negatives into some sort way that can benefit you in a positive way.

I take the simple example of being Cinderella or actually just her losing her glass slipper. We are all Cinderella’s in our own unique way, some more than others, but all waiting for our fairy godmother to transform us, to have our dance with prince charming, lose our glass slipper and ending up happy with charming. So you are Cinderella, looking and feeling all comfortable in your track pants and t-shirt, getting all anxious and nervous when someone just suggests that you have to go to the ball. (The mall being the modern day clubs). So you go stand in front of your cupboard, scratching for the perfect outfit, with the help from your fairy Godmother, (the wonderful people from Mac, Revlon, etc. and of course fashion blogs) you get to look like the perfect princess that you are. You show up at the “ball” looking like your fine self and of course the other princesses are also dressed to kill, I mean it’s a hunt and everyone has the same goal in mind on some unconscious level or another. You have an amazing night through all the pulling down of a skirt that keeps riding up and wanting to reveal your crotch, or the pulling up of a top that the twins just want to jump out of and of course those 6ínch heels that’s hurting your feet from all the dancing, but hey you are a princess, got to keep up appearances. You spot prince charming and he asks you for a dance, the fact that the punch just kept flowing totally leaves your mind and of course you’ll dance, you have been waiting for this moment for a while now. You end up having a wonderful night, you even lose a shoe because hey that punch was just too tasty no wonder it flowed the whole night. You end up with prince Charming and like Katty Perry says in her song, “you go to bed with a 10 and wake up next to a 2”, and he rather turns into a frog. How is that for disappointment? Well the moment the prince states that oopsi your foot is too small or too big to fit the shoe, the same way your hips are too wide or your nose too small, you start questioning yourself, doubting who you are all because of one person who isn’t happy with your appearance.

So you’ll find a lot of fake prince charming’s out there or should I rather refer to them as frogs, those who will make the shoe fit even if it hurts you, because your breast size is appealing, but the moment they realise you had a little help from wonder bra, it’s on to the next one. The same prince charming who is amazed by the filtered flawless you and scared off by the unfiltered flawed you. The only way you’ll actually be able to find the prince is when you start to stop looking for the imperfections in yourself and start embracing it. start by accepting the fact that you are growing horizontally now instead of vertically, the fact that the only way you’ll ever have a thigh gap is because well it is photo shopped in, the fact that who you are will attract the frog who will turn into the charming King and not the Prince who turns into a frog when you start losing your appeal.

So Cinderella your show didn’t fit, is it a bad thing? Months later when you stop pulling down the skirt that keeps riding up to reveal your crotch, or stop using that little extra help from the chicken cutlets, when you start to embrace the wide hips, full lips, small nose, everything that you thought made you flawed, then only you’ll be happy, coz your change in mentality transcends into the physical.
So mid 20’s is about living all those miserably failed Cinderella moments, the unforgettable frogs, learning from the intoxicating punch and embracing the imperfect dirty, that makes you the Princess that you are.

25, im ready!!!

I once asked someone if they have ever looked at themselves in the mirror and just said “you are beautiful and amazing”, the response I got was almost as if I was a bit of a crazy person. I said this as a self-help/self-motivation tip, not to be conceited or coming across as being crazy by talking to oneself, but to genuinely just look at oneself and pointing out all the positive attributes about the self.

I recently (yesterday) turned the big 25, yes a quarter of a century, mid 20’s, officially closer to 30 than 20. As much as this big number terrifies me, it excites me, as much as it depressed me, it also pleased me. As my heart pounds with the terrifying thoughts that filled my mind, the thoughts and feelings that I didn’t achieve half of what my adolescent self would have wanted to achieve at this stage in my life. As my heart pounds a feeling of contentment flowed over me, a feeling of happiness, a feeling of gratitude, a feeling of immense joy, because I am alive, alive and discovered exactly what I am passionate about. I figured in my 18 year old mind, I would have the perfect job, amazing apartment or house, on the verge of getting married and be living the perfect fairy-tale. Do I have any of the above? Nope, am I unhappy because I do not? No

I am 25, not where I want to be, but I know and believe with every inch of my being that I am exactly at the right place that everything that happened was in preparation for what is to come.
I have learned that being beautiful is how you perceive the word beauty. If you see the magazines as the bible of what beauty is supposed to be, then good luck to you. If you cannot look at yourself in the mirror and say how amazingly beautiful you are without having the picture of a model in the back of your mind, reminding you that that’s what actual beauty are, you are losing the race. Learning that the face I see in the mirror, the face I have been looking at throughout my life, is the only face I have and it is beautiful. The smile that have wriggled through the darkest of moments, the eyes that was swollen because a flood of tears poured down the cheeks past the big nose and lips of someone who was unaccepting of herself. A face of a woman who had to mask all of her pain, her vulnerability to be strong and not come across as a weakling, now that is beauty. A face that could tell stories from a lifetime of unscripted, unrehearsed moments that can be seen in the eyes reflecting my soul. Every day I look at myself in the mirror, whether it be the face of looking like the night before or made up like a Christmas tree, I tell myself I’m beautiful. I am beautiful because I haven’t allowed bad relationships, bad comments, hurtful words, negative tongue lashings to keep me down in a pit of despair for too long, I got up and looked for the beauty in the bad, the positive in the negative and the love in the hurt.
Every day I look at myself and remind myself of the comment “you are a strong girl, I know you are” (ironic as this was said by a person breaking my heart), because I am, I am stronger than that failed relationship, I am stronger than a failed subject, I am stronger than the rejection of a goal not achieved or not being good enough, I am stronger than the helpless exterior I portray. Sometimes I just have to laugh at the irony, but I guess I couldn’t see all these things, because I allowed my cloudy vision to hide what it in my heart, my mind and my body, because of a pre-conceived idea of what beauty is and what I was supposed to be like. I always found it funny how people could tell me I am beautiful, because I couldn’t see it, I found it funny that people saw talent in me, which I couldn’t see, I found it funny that people could see greatness and possibilities in me, because well I couldn’t. In the back of my mind I always wondered how and why and I found the answers as soon as I looked at myself in the mirror cleared my cloudy vision, like fog disappearing, I found what made me, me.

I am 25 and I am an old soul (it’s a good thing), an old soul on the brink of new life, new achievements, new goals and new dreams. I am 25 and learned that the moment I saw myself as beautiful it started pouring out from within my soul into every aspect of my being, I have learned that I needed to be knocked down countless times in order for the light within to start shining through the cracks, before it started erupting like a volcano, to introduce to the world, the person I am supposed to be. Learning what an important role I play in the lives of others, whether it be that random smile, the unexpected text message, the shoulder to cry on, or in reality just literally being me. I have learned to not be proud and egotistical, being knocked down and torn down the cause for a lot of humiliation, especially when being boastful and proud is what I portray. I have learned that friendships can start in the most unexpected places, like the saying says one person’s trash is another person’s treasure, well I found amazing diamonds in the rubble. I have found that simplicity is what I am after, the sun on my face when it peeks through on a cloudy day, the shooting star crossing the sky when I just fell down, the laughter of a two year, the wishful and genuine words of people who actually care. I have found love in simplicity, in gratitude, in faith, and hope. I started seeing the beauty within my soul that the Almighty placed in my mother’s womb, I started seeing the love that parents have for their children and the bond between siblings that cannot be broken. I have learned to be the best me that I most possibly can be, still a diamond in the rough. I have found my passion and it’s been peeping through for years, but only now the time is right, the new season starts now, the new life starts now.

25 never felt and looked this good. So tonight I will look at myself in the mirror, smile and say how beautiful I am, how beautiful my soul is, how wonderful my talent is, that I am a strong woman, a strong individual, a strong soul. This is only the beginning, it won’t always be easy, but 25 years from now, I’ll look back, pat myself on the back, say I am beautiful and know all the lessons and preparations was well worth it. Ill remain on my knees, keep praying, keep believing, keep doing what I love, because this new life, I’m ready..