Beauty Pageant Diaries

 

When one hears the phrase Beauty Pageant, what comes to mind? The first thought that usually pops up is, “am I pretty, beautiful enough”, the second thought is “will I have to parade around in swimwear and is my body up to par of what beauty is supposed to be”. But in actual fact when the phrase Beauty Pageant is heard, the first thought that one should have is, “Am I confident within myself to partake in such an event/competition”. But anyway a few weeks ago I heard that my beautiful town was going to have its own Beauty Pageant, yes, for the first time in 35years, Beaufort West got ready to dust off the crowns and sashes, presenting not only a pageant, but a pageant with a purpose.

 

I entered the pageant for fun, and when I say fun, I mean that the last time I was on a catwalk/runway was back in 2007 when I entered my high schools annual pageant. This was an experience I figured would definitely be one for my bucket list, you know, top things to do before you turn 30. I really didn’t know what to expect and I guess for the most part, it didn’t actually sink in that I would in reality partake in this competition, until the day of the event. Even as the preparations commenced, it wasn’t all so real as when that light hit my face when I stepped out behind the curtain as my name got called “number 2- Jo-dene Jansen”. That was the first moment when I realised that there was no turning back, that I had to smile like I haven’t smiled in a while, be gracious, elegant and everything else that you do when you are in a pageant.

 

So a week before the pageant, we had a meet and greet, or what we figured would only be a meet and greet. We gathered at the museum and got an educational tour, where we learned more about the rich history of our town, yes Beaufort West is more than just a pit stop between Cape Town and Johannesburg along the N1. There is a difference of knowing and actually being aware of the abundance that our town consists off. Delving into the history of how a farm turned into what was to become a flourishing town, in 1818, and how this town proudly have the oldest municipality in the country (nice history lesson there). So many times we get so caught up in what is lacking that we actually forget to look at the present and even the past that has so many amazing positive influences, experiences than what we are aware off. While learning about our wonderful down, we also took a trip down memory lane, visiting the exhibition of Chris Barnard (1^st heart transplant surgeon, yes he hails from Beaufort) and also his childhood home, where his ashes are buried in the front garden among the roses. All while this happened, the pageant experience was real, photographers capturing the candid moments that a group of about 25 ladies were experiencing. And still we had no clue what was about to happen.

 

Getting called in one by one, as a panel of judges wanted to have personal interactions with all of the contestants; and yes I was terrified, as confident and bubbly as I am, talking about myself when I don’t instigate it, is all kinds of scary. The question I totally dread was “so tell us about …. (insert your name)”, I responded that I felt this was a trick question, because I can talk about myself for hours, I could just say what I thought they wanted to hear, or I could just be me, the quirky, confident woman that I am. The “interview” went well and I made it to the Top 18, yippeeee I’d say, a step closer to that crown. I think what was most amazing about the Top 18, is that not everyone looked like a model that just stepped out of a magazine, there was a refreshing variety, tall, short, big, small, dark, light, and the top 18 was a diverse group.

The next week was preparation week, working with one of our local dance crews as they thought us how to shake, pop and drop, yes our opening dance had to be spectacular (and know not all of us have the grace of Fred Astaire). One of the challenging parts of the week wasn’t getting all the choreography correctly, but being in a room full of estragon is kind of challenging, different personalities, different voices, different opinions, so being confident has to be part of the criteria, standing your ground and voicing your concerns, opinions and input in a room full of strong women, wants to be done. In that week we learned how to work together as a team, if one of was out of sync in let’s say the dance moves, it would have influenced the whole moral of the group and how ones confidence feels. So the week taught us how to work together, how to be a team, how to be confident in ourselves and our differences, that our uniqueness binds us and doesn’t divide us.

 

Have you ever felt tensions so high amongst women, a dressing room can become too small, especially in a town where the average temperature soars to around 35 degrees Celsius on a normal day. Anyway, the only stressful thing was that it was extremely hot, the sharing and caring that took place between the ladies was really refreshing, just because we were competing for the same title, doesn’t mean that we had to be catty and bitchy toward each other. The way we shared the “home-made” handheld fans, hearing someone asking for some blusher, tissues or water, being able to share an experience with women and getting such a positive response is what made the pageant so wonderful. I mean we are all just trying to be the best versions of ourselves, so how can we be the best version if we cannot empower, inspire others without being negative and putting them down. This is one of the things that I personally take away from the pageant, to accept the differences that we once thought boxed us in different categories and allow the differences to bind and connect us, to strive for the same goal.

 

As we go through the motions, Top 18, Top 10 and Top 5, as the contenders get less, the butterflies’ increases. So the Top 5 got the same question, “what would you do to change the town, what would your influence be, what would you do to better life for others, how would you make your mark”, so this isn’t exactly  where you would answer World Peace, but this is the part where you can be so brutally honest about something that you are so absolutely passionate about, that you breathe, taste, smell, and see it, and that this would be your mission and purpose. In the Miss World pageant, the slogan is Beauty with a purpose and this is exactly the type of thing that our Towns pageant leaned towards. To not only be physically beautiful, but mentally, spiritually, that you exude inner beauty and confidence and that through that you want to make a positive change in your community, town and country. Remember the saying, “Be the change that you want to see”, this is the best thing about the pageant, looking for a lady or ladies to be a leader and change the lives of others through their visions and wanting to make a difference.

 

This was an experience that I would definitely not trade for anything in the world, yes I strutted that runway like I owned it, in swimwear, big thighs and all. I made connections with like-minded people who has dreams, visions and passion that coincides with mine and that is to better not only my life, but those around me, to create opportunities and see them through. This was an experience where you learn that beauty isn’t just skin deep, that beauty is your confidence combined with your passion, with love for what ignites your mind, body and spirit, and then to get the chance, the opportunity to make your project, your dream, your passion a reality, because you indeed are a beauty with a purpose. This is only the beginning of women uniting and making positive changes, and the Beauty Pageant was and is the platform for this. So as I smiled and waved as the event came to a close, I went home with a full heart, with so much to be grateful for, being blessed with funds to make my vision a reality and knowing that beauty isn’t skin deep.

 

 

Johyphendene

1^st runner up – Miss Beaufort West 2016

 

Spring- Lessons from Nature

I am sitting here with an extremely stuffy nose, every time I open up my mouth to speak I sound like Batman talking into a Fan. Okay, let me be honest, my voice kind of sounds sexy, one of the perks of Sinus-season. As soon as spring started, the blossoms started blooming and the birdies starting building new nests, my eyes started itching and swelling, my nose became an ornament because I breathe through my mouth and well I attained a new kind of sexy husky voice. I knew in a few weeks this sinusitis will clear up and that I will be fully be able to smell the roses without the aid of some sort of medication that I have to snort or swallow.

This is such a beautiful season, just yesterday I found such a beautiful intricate built little nest in laying on the grass in the garden. They (with all honesty, I still do not know who they are) say when birds aren’t happy with a nest that they have built, they kick it out and start building a new one. For a moment I was so astonished by how these small little animals can build something so beautiful, the detail, the workmanship and the effort put into it, is literally breath taking. I am still wondering how they gather all the material and construct it into a home where eggs will be laid, a safe-haven for their little ones. I was and still am totally flabbergasted by the construction of the nest, by the art, by the beauty that nature provides.

So many times we want what we want and if we don’t get it in the amount of time that we set out for ourselves, we feel frustrated, anxious, angry and basically like everything is falling apart and that it wasn’t meant for us. I have been struggling with this (it happens a lot), knowing what I want, but not getting it, or feeling like it is taking too long, I the get anxious, I start to overthink, overanalyse and then I just want to give up and start on a search for something new. But just because something didn’t work out in the timeframe I set out for myself doesn’t mean that it won’t happen. It is like a push and pull action, like pushing a door that actually says pull, no amount of pushing action will open the door, because the anxious fear filled overthinking overanalysing brain cannot comprehend how pushing doesn’t open the door, because all scenario’s has been worked out, but nothing works, until you step back because all this pushing is extremely tiring and one can just push so much, so hard and so long. When stepping back and saying screw all this pushing action, I’m going to walk away from this, then the light bulb moment happens, when you actually realise you are supposed to pull and not push. This all could have been prevented, but sometimes we are just so eager for things to happen and play out the way we want it to, we misread what is right in front of us, we allow our anxious fear filled overthinking overanalysing brain to jump ahead of ourselves before we even see what is right in front of us. And when we see pull, it’s like an epiphany, and seeing that all that worrying was for nothing.

While looking at the nest this is something I just started to think about, this bird is busy building a home to keep its little ones safe, but it is definitely not driven by fear and anxiety, if it was, that nest wouldn’t have been kicked out. The bird takes its time to build something that is not only safe and sturdy, but a home and wanting it to be perfect. Yes, maybe the bird wanted it to be done at a specific time, but even if it was done in the specified time, it wasn’t up to standard and the right thing, so the bird just starts again, no element (wind, rain, sunshine) will allow this animal to stop it from making and doing the best that it can most possibly do.

The same with how we feel. If it isn’t done or you didn’t get it in the time you expected too, doesn’t mean it won’t be perfected or that it won’t happen. It literally just requires a little more patience, a little more faith, a little more belief, giving up because it didn’t happen when you wanted it to happen doesn’t mean it won’t, it also doesn’t mean that you have to settle for what is presented or change direction. It just means that believing in yourself and your abilities and working towards what you know it can and will be, no matter how long it takes, like the nest it will be perfected.

So this stuffy nose won’t be stuffy all of the time, and the sexy husky voice will go back to normal, but then being able to enjoy the beauty and art what the season has to offer will be what happens. Enjoying living in the now.

Storybook Moments

Feeling like a scene out of some sort of quirky romantic comedy, like a still picture from a lifestyle magazine, the kind where you can only imagine what each and every one is thinking and the mood that dawned at that specific moment. It almost reads like a book, each and every conversation a different chapter, aspect and perspective on the past, the present moment and future events still to occur. It’s like that beautiful instagram worthy moment, that couldn’t be captured in time, but it is netted in the minds and remains a memory of what ultimately seemed like the perfect day.

The intimate tranquil setting of a cosy little sanctuary hidden like an oasis in the driest of desert, literally and figuratively. Inviting and all so relaxing, the serenity that welcomes all participants to take their place and play their part to be characters in a story that will remain in memories of each who was present. Every wonderful story starts off with the perfect setting against a magnificent backdrop, every aspect faultlessly explained, from the cracking sounds of the wooden floors, the art against the walls, the bookshelves filled with written work, a whole walk through towards what feels like the secret garden. The secret garden being the location, with the manicured lawn, the little pond/pool, pebbles decorating the walk way and patches untouched by grass, where around a wooden table the atmosphere is prepared for a show that commences and every character gets their chance to give an unrehearsed candidly perfect performance of who they are.

As stories gets exchanged, the joyful effects of laughter fills the air, the after effects of laughing so hard that remains like the traces similar to that of a core work out (crunches, sit-ups, etc), the sounds of different voices talking, speaking, chatting, louder it gets as each person wants to be heard, telling a joke, something serious, all topics are allowed, nothing is off limits. Listening to every opinion given, each point of view, every funny story, each read between the lines moment, memories brought up, the do you remember when questions, the different conversations going on simultaneously. It’s like having a super power, having the ability to zone in on different talks and still being able to have some input or just give a laugh; or even being so confused that not one of all the on-going conversations even remotely makes sense.

A place where you can be yourself, a place where you can express love towards the people who surround you, a place where sharing the stories of when you first met your partner inspires and captures the spectators and makes them daydream about the day when they will finally meet their companion. It’s about the Ooh’s and Aah’s, the oh that is so cute, that is so beautiful, the instance where reliving that moment is filled with so much love and creates ties between existent relationships and those still to be formed. It’s the honestly candid moments that arise and gives birth to hilarious and comedic occasions, the old sing along karaoke tunes that makes your feet tap, fingers wiggle and voice screech as you want to hit those high notes, the selfie opportunities that cannot be missed, even if it results in photo bombs by everyone.

In a little hidden sanctuary, beautiful moments occur, intense conversations happens, inside and read between the lines jokes, memories are made, photographs taken to capture the instants, but mostly just being relaxed, having fun, and just enjoying the little tranquil space that is the present moment.

25, im ready!!!

I once asked someone if they have ever looked at themselves in the mirror and just said “you are beautiful and amazing”, the response I got was almost as if I was a bit of a crazy person. I said this as a self-help/self-motivation tip, not to be conceited or coming across as being crazy by talking to oneself, but to genuinely just look at oneself and pointing out all the positive attributes about the self.

I recently (yesterday) turned the big 25, yes a quarter of a century, mid 20’s, officially closer to 30 than 20. As much as this big number terrifies me, it excites me, as much as it depressed me, it also pleased me. As my heart pounds with the terrifying thoughts that filled my mind, the thoughts and feelings that I didn’t achieve half of what my adolescent self would have wanted to achieve at this stage in my life. As my heart pounds a feeling of contentment flowed over me, a feeling of happiness, a feeling of gratitude, a feeling of immense joy, because I am alive, alive and discovered exactly what I am passionate about. I figured in my 18 year old mind, I would have the perfect job, amazing apartment or house, on the verge of getting married and be living the perfect fairy-tale. Do I have any of the above? Nope, am I unhappy because I do not? No

I am 25, not where I want to be, but I know and believe with every inch of my being that I am exactly at the right place that everything that happened was in preparation for what is to come.
I have learned that being beautiful is how you perceive the word beauty. If you see the magazines as the bible of what beauty is supposed to be, then good luck to you. If you cannot look at yourself in the mirror and say how amazingly beautiful you are without having the picture of a model in the back of your mind, reminding you that that’s what actual beauty are, you are losing the race. Learning that the face I see in the mirror, the face I have been looking at throughout my life, is the only face I have and it is beautiful. The smile that have wriggled through the darkest of moments, the eyes that was swollen because a flood of tears poured down the cheeks past the big nose and lips of someone who was unaccepting of herself. A face of a woman who had to mask all of her pain, her vulnerability to be strong and not come across as a weakling, now that is beauty. A face that could tell stories from a lifetime of unscripted, unrehearsed moments that can be seen in the eyes reflecting my soul. Every day I look at myself in the mirror, whether it be the face of looking like the night before or made up like a Christmas tree, I tell myself I’m beautiful. I am beautiful because I haven’t allowed bad relationships, bad comments, hurtful words, negative tongue lashings to keep me down in a pit of despair for too long, I got up and looked for the beauty in the bad, the positive in the negative and the love in the hurt.
Every day I look at myself and remind myself of the comment “you are a strong girl, I know you are” (ironic as this was said by a person breaking my heart), because I am, I am stronger than that failed relationship, I am stronger than a failed subject, I am stronger than the rejection of a goal not achieved or not being good enough, I am stronger than the helpless exterior I portray. Sometimes I just have to laugh at the irony, but I guess I couldn’t see all these things, because I allowed my cloudy vision to hide what it in my heart, my mind and my body, because of a pre-conceived idea of what beauty is and what I was supposed to be like. I always found it funny how people could tell me I am beautiful, because I couldn’t see it, I found it funny that people saw talent in me, which I couldn’t see, I found it funny that people could see greatness and possibilities in me, because well I couldn’t. In the back of my mind I always wondered how and why and I found the answers as soon as I looked at myself in the mirror cleared my cloudy vision, like fog disappearing, I found what made me, me.

I am 25 and I am an old soul (it’s a good thing), an old soul on the brink of new life, new achievements, new goals and new dreams. I am 25 and learned that the moment I saw myself as beautiful it started pouring out from within my soul into every aspect of my being, I have learned that I needed to be knocked down countless times in order for the light within to start shining through the cracks, before it started erupting like a volcano, to introduce to the world, the person I am supposed to be. Learning what an important role I play in the lives of others, whether it be that random smile, the unexpected text message, the shoulder to cry on, or in reality just literally being me. I have learned to not be proud and egotistical, being knocked down and torn down the cause for a lot of humiliation, especially when being boastful and proud is what I portray. I have learned that friendships can start in the most unexpected places, like the saying says one person’s trash is another person’s treasure, well I found amazing diamonds in the rubble. I have found that simplicity is what I am after, the sun on my face when it peeks through on a cloudy day, the shooting star crossing the sky when I just fell down, the laughter of a two year, the wishful and genuine words of people who actually care. I have found love in simplicity, in gratitude, in faith, and hope. I started seeing the beauty within my soul that the Almighty placed in my mother’s womb, I started seeing the love that parents have for their children and the bond between siblings that cannot be broken. I have learned to be the best me that I most possibly can be, still a diamond in the rough. I have found my passion and it’s been peeping through for years, but only now the time is right, the new season starts now, the new life starts now.

25 never felt and looked this good. So tonight I will look at myself in the mirror, smile and say how beautiful I am, how beautiful my soul is, how wonderful my talent is, that I am a strong woman, a strong individual, a strong soul. This is only the beginning, it won’t always be easy, but 25 years from now, I’ll look back, pat myself on the back, say I am beautiful and know all the lessons and preparations was well worth it. Ill remain on my knees, keep praying, keep believing, keep doing what I love, because this new life, I’m ready..