confidently natural, naturally confident

I recently, well  9 months ago started wearing my natural hair. So for 9 months I haven’t resorted to any type of treatment to chemically straighten my hair, which leaves me with an afro, yes I have an afro now. It hasn’t been easy, there are just days where I want to dip my whole head into a pot of chemicals and get the straight sleek hair that I got used to for years. The decision to go natural was an impulsive one, the same with all my decisions when it comes to my hair, but this came on after I was rocking a Mohawk for a few months and the fact that I wanted to look more like my brother (he has a fro) and also because I am on the journey of finding myself.

Going natural is a journey for me, a journey of finding myself, a journey of confidence, a journey of finding what works for me and also what doesn’t. Through the years I’ve had a lot of different hairstyles and colours, because well I like experimenting and changing your hair is literally as good as a holiday. So how does confidence even remotely play a role with something as simple as changing the style that you choose to wear your hair?

We get used to being ridiculed or judged by whatever is in fashion, in trend and what is the number 1 go too look at the moment. Sometimes our confidence fluctuates at the speed of changing trends, just as soon as you are accustomed to one trend, the season changes and a brand new hot trend greets you and suddenly your confidence falls because your style doesn’t seem good enough seeing that there is a new kid in town. But then we question style, isn’t it your style, your personal style, what you feel comfortable in, what makes you feel happy and ultimately makes you feel confidently yourself? Fashion changes but ultimately how does it impact your personal style, how does it affect your confidence? Does it want you to jump on every trend train that passes your station or do you take from the trend and style it to suit your taste and what you like. Finding a look that translates who you are; I see style as a look that speaks for you and reveals who you are, but it shows the confidence that you have because you are comfortable in whatever you wear.

In finding yourself you learn what works for you and what doesn’t, what makes you feel good and what just makes you feel horrible. Confidence you find when you know what makes you feel comfortable and happy, it happens when you are sure of yourself, walking tall with poise because you are content with who you are. Any hairstyle, outfit just drapes and showcases the confidence that already exists within you, how you feel about yourself and how content you are in your own skin.

India Arie has this wonderful song I am not my hair and I guess you start to really understand what message it entails when you start to be confident in your own skin. This message doesn’t just constitute or relates to the type of hair you have, the style you choose to wear it in, the clothes you wear or the trends you follow. This song is about being confidently yourself, it is about embracing who and what you are, loving yourself and carrying yourself with the poise and serenity that you are blissfully happy in the skin that is yours. So if you choose to go natural or rock styles of ages, if you do that with confidence that you discover when you are content with the face that looks back at you in the mirror, well then that is all you need.

Your style is the result of a confidently content being happy with who he/she is and that transcends into everyday life. So when you walk into a room and you are dripping in confidence that overflows when you just spark a smile or speak a word, no matter what you are wearing or what type of hairstyle you are rocking, if you wear it confidently, well then, the world is your oyster.

taking my own advice

It is so easy to give everyone around you sound and useful advice, when they are going through a somewhat difficult time, need a pep talk, need their confidence boosted, when they lost a chance/opportunity. Why is it so difficult to follow your own advice, why is it so difficult to sometimes remain positive when negativity and rejection strikes from all angles?

So apparently dealing with it and trying to be your own positive voice is what needs to be done, basically, taking the same meds that you dish out to others. So recently I chased an opportunity, something that I have been dreaming of, something that I wanted, something I saw as a stepping stone to take me to amazing new heights, just the start of something wonderful. I gave myself the much-needed pep-talks, the inspiration, the quotes, jokes and everything that I would tell another person when I want them to be and do their absolute best and of course to make them believe in themselves. I was high on positive energy and vibes and I guess I wanted it so badly I tricked my mind into believing that anything I put my mind too I can do and achieve.

I remember dripping in positivity, but having a calmness over me, like having a gut feel that just say that I’ll be fine, whether I do well or not. Having conversations with myself (those where I look myself in the eye and have a total heart to heart, team talk almost) and just releasing everything to the universe. So I took my own advice, I remained calm and just did my utmost best, I mean, they do say all you have to do and give is your best, and that is what I did. I stated that whatever the outcome, it will be in my best interest, (what a way to take my own advice).

The outcome wasn’t what I had hoped for and weirdly enough I was okay with it, I just patted myself on the back and cheered myself for taking chances and putting myself out there. I was okay with things not working out the way I Hoped and anticipated it too, and I knew in that moment that bigger and better things awaits (well that’s what I usually tell others and because I really believe it). I really figured that I was okay and I knew and still know that a year or two down the line the same opportunity I missed or didn’t get, will be the same opportunity that I will turn down or have as one of many options, because what I have is wonderful and I believe this with my heart and soul.

So I kind of had a break down, almost a month afterwards, because it suddenly dawned on me that I didn’t get what I wanted so badly, that I don’t feel good enough, talented enough, what I did wrong, that I want to change me, that I still have to put so much work in myself and I don’t have the faintest clue where to start, and I just really started questioning my decisions and my next step. My next step as in will I allow this to remain just a dream, or will I keep pep-talking myself, having faith and hope, until, the doors and windows of opportunity are open so wide, that no gust of wind, tornado or anything can shut it.

I guess I realised that well, putting myself out there was really just the start, the start of wonderful ventures coming my way, the fact that the people who saw me at that opportunity that day will look back in a year or two and tell others about that day I didn’t get what I wanted, but look where I am now (you know the groupie effect, I knew her before everything). I know I made an impact and I know now just how badly I want to chase my dreams, how I need my talents to shine and be heard, spoken and written. But I am taking my own advice, my cliché pep-talks, my dreamer brain and I’m taking every day as it comes, because I know I have the ability to do amazing things and I am already busy doing so. And it is true, the more or often the No’s pour in, the quicker its shaken off and the closer the YES’s are… so I’ll just move forward, do what I do best and just keep believing in me.

P.S

It is also a year since I started my blog. Congratulations to myself on this milestone, to many more years to come, to pouring my heart, mind and soul onto this canvas, to doing something that I am so utterly proud of, to something that I love, to being the best me, cannot wait to fill this canvas for many more years to come… I am a proud blogger… JOHYPHENDENE (soon to be published writer, positive affirmations)