Leap down the Rabbit HOLE – part3 (the promise)

 

She was still so fascinated by the clear blue sky and the fluffy clouds moving in a swift rhythm that she walked without looking down once. As the grass still tingled on the soles of her feet, she suddenly fell to the ground…she stumbled over a little bush and when she looked up a wonderful oasis awaited her.

What she was seeing was a little retreat, looking as if it was just created for her, well it was created for her, and even her name was written on the place card at the table. As she walked around the table, being in awe of what she was observing, from the happy juice to the treats and book of spells that was laid out, just for her. Just when was in a mesmerized daze as she took all this in, as her smile just got bigger and bigger, there he stood in front of her. Now she was truly wondering what this wonderland that she found herself was all about. She found herself mumbling utterances, at least in her head it made sense, but as soon as those words reached her mouth and tried to escape from her mouth, she just got all tongue-tied. It was as if his gaze just had her bewildered and all she wanted to say could be seen in her eyes and the gigantic smile that adorned her face. The utterances that spilled from her mouth and didn’t make sense at all was perfectly formed by his lips, everything she wanted to get out, he already knew; was this really magic? Has she really found herself in wonderland?

As they sat down surrounded by the beauty of the forest, the light breeze cooling her as she felt hotter than the sun’s rays on this warm day. Her sentences started to become fluent, it seemed the longer she looked into his eyes, a sense of calm just moves over her, okay it might be the happy juice as well. As she became more comfortable, she became herself in a way that even surprised her, but he wasn’t surprised, not in the least. She didn’t know if he cast a spell with that book of spells that laid on the table, but is serenity just pulled her in deeper and opening herself felt like the most natural thing in the world.

As he looked into her eyes, he told her or no he asked her if she would promise him one thing… obviously she was flabbergasted, because what on earth would he want her to promise; with great certainty she said Yes before knowing what she was promising too… he said, “please don’t ever change who you are”…

Okay, she already promised, but if she wasn’t staggered before, now she truly was.

She had to process this bit of newly found information, she was swimming around in her mind and wondering why he would ask her something like this. Maybe he had sipped too much on the happy juice, because what made her so special that he didn’t want her to change. The more she tried to look for answers, the more she couldn’t find a reason or why he would feel that specific way. But the more she thought about that phrase, the more sense it made, but clearly he saw something in her, something that she doesn’t necessarily see in herself, but something that captured him in a way that neither of them could have anticipated.

 

As she wondered what made her so special that he didn’t ever want her to change and she realised, what isn’t there that doesn’t make her special.

 

She finally understood that who she is now, she fought to become and that being in wonderland made her realise this.

She understood that her being comfortable in her own skin was something she worked hard on, with all the stereotypes and what beauty is supposed to look like; the moment she embraced all that made her unique her, from her hair, to her skin, her mind, her heart, that is when her beauty started blooming, because she was just truly and honestly herself and doing it for herself.

She recognized that her spirit reflects how and what she feels about herself and others; the way she spoke positivity into her own life, how she let go of any negative thoughts and emotions that tried to infiltrate her life, the way she owned the distinctive quirks that is true to her.

She acknowledges how her passion is reflected in her eyes, in her voice, in her smile, in her energy. The way butterflies slip into her stomach when she speak and does something that excites her to her core, whether it is talking about her dreams, chasing and reaching a goal or just get enthusiastic when the desire and magnitude of what makes her happy and which she is fanatical about, pours out of her like lava from a very active volcano.

She concedes that her being honest and vulnerable is not a weakness, but a strength, how candid she can be, as this is an extension of who she is, as she had to rip the masks and facades off, piece by piece, bit by bit, to be who she has become.

 

She admits that she loves fiercly, she wears her heart on her sleeve, she loves herself, who she once was, who she is now and who she is yet to become; love is what drives her, it is her language, the unspoken language that surrounds her and is reflected in her aura and energy that surrounds her.

 

She accepts that her weird sense of humour is what makes her funny and in most cases hilarious in her own right, that even when she mumbles and gets tongue-tied that what she tries to articulate still gets across; her words is just one way she communicates.

 

Being in Wonderland is making her comprehend all that she was, all that she has shed, from the negativity and self-doubt, to the insecurities and fear. Before she even leapt down that rabbit hole, she was already someone who would just blossom and flourish in this new environment, as she creates it as she moves along.

 

Like she promised him, she won’t ever change who she is, who she fought to become, who she is meant to be, because this is the version that she is supposed to be, and this is why he is so captivated by all that she is.

Leap down the Rabbit Hole- Part 2

 

As she wandered down the path, still high on all that has happened, she gets lost in herself, and she gets lost in her mind, trying to make sense of it all. She didn’t know what she had expected as she was falling down the rabbit hole, but whatever she might have expected was not even remotely close to what she was busy experiencing. As she gazes up at the sky and down at the ground, it is as if the sky is the brightest shade of blue that she has ever seen, as if the clouds were puffs of candyfloss floating in a beautiful piece of art, the grass tickled her feet and made her giggle like she hasn’t giggled in the longest time and as she kept walking every step her giggles turned into laughs, the laughs that came from within her soul and heart, turning into a song of happiness.

 

What she didn’t realise is, that time wasn’t a concept in the wonderland that she finds herself in. first, time seems to go by so quickly and then all of a sudden it just slows down, it slows downs as if everything is put into slow motion. She is usually so used to wanting things to happen fast and the way that she wants it to happen, this wonderland forces her to be present, it asks of her to feel, experience and embrace all the different types of thoughts and emotions that engulfs her as she steps-steps her way through this new place. She regularly finds herself lost in her own mind, lost in thought, lost in scenario’s that she creates, trying to figure things out, trying to be in control. And here she is learning patience, as the candyfloss clouds floats by effortlessly, as the grass pricks her feet and the sound of the wondrous surroundings just flows through every part of her being, like the veins through her body. For a minute when time seemed to pass ever so slowly, she just wanted to tap her heels together and wanted to go home, and she realised that she wasn’t Dorothy and the only way out is through. Here she becomes present, here she is starting to learn patience, here she is just being, being without knowing how or why, here she lost in a wonderland of new, weird and wonderful things and yet this is where she feels most at home, this is where she feels herself.

 

As she gets lost in thought being mesmerized by all the wonder that surrounds her, she loses track of time, she remembers the eyes that met hers when she first landed on the grass while coming to her senses, the eyes that she somehow got lost in, the eyes that glistened with a familiarity that she knew was one of the reasons she found herself in this land of wonder. It is funny, because somehow months had gone past and she found herself finding and exploring new avenues within this new experience, but it didn’t even feel all that long. Was it because she wasn’t living in her head anymore, was it because she was present in everything that she was going through, was it that for the first time she decided to just let go, to trust, to have faith, like when she took that leap down the hole.

 

She somehow found that she had a new sense of adventure within her, she found that she was more courageous than she has ever been before, she found that she was more confident, she found that she had this immense craving to try and want to do different things that scared her, things that has failed in the past, things that she would make her grow mentally, spiritually and physically. She had this new found allure to her, she always had it, but it is only know that it seemed to bloom, like a butterfly finally emerging from its cocoon. As she became more aware of her surroundings that is when she started to blossom, almost as if her embracing her surroundings, seemed to transcend and elevate the vibes and energy that she was embodying and sending out.

 

As the path before her seems long and strenuous, especially because she isn’t aware of what is around the bend or even further down the path, because there is no roadmaps, no road signs; the only signs and way of navigation she has, is the stars that light up the night sky like a bunch of fireflies against a dark canvas, the butterflies leading her to the most beautiful flowers, the little pieces of cakes with the words eat me and the bottles saying drink me, and this was all the signs she needed, because she was present. She listened to the voice of the wind, to the chirp of the birds, she listened to her heart, to her soul, as she followed the path, step by step.

She is in a whole new world, a world that she has dreamed off, a world where magic is at her fingertips, a world where those eyes that she gazed into is her compass, her guide, her true north, a world where endless possibilities awaits her, a world where she is a familiar stranger; this is her hole after all, the hole she leapt down.

Beauty Pageant Diaries

 

When one hears the phrase Beauty Pageant, what comes to mind? The first thought that usually pops up is, “am I pretty, beautiful enough”, the second thought is “will I have to parade around in swimwear and is my body up to par of what beauty is supposed to be”. But in actual fact when the phrase Beauty Pageant is heard, the first thought that one should have is, “Am I confident within myself to partake in such an event/competition”. But anyway a few weeks ago I heard that my beautiful town was going to have its own Beauty Pageant, yes, for the first time in 35years, Beaufort West got ready to dust off the crowns and sashes, presenting not only a pageant, but a pageant with a purpose.

 

I entered the pageant for fun, and when I say fun, I mean that the last time I was on a catwalk/runway was back in 2007 when I entered my high schools annual pageant. This was an experience I figured would definitely be one for my bucket list, you know, top things to do before you turn 30. I really didn’t know what to expect and I guess for the most part, it didn’t actually sink in that I would in reality partake in this competition, until the day of the event. Even as the preparations commenced, it wasn’t all so real as when that light hit my face when I stepped out behind the curtain as my name got called “number 2- Jo-dene Jansen”. That was the first moment when I realised that there was no turning back, that I had to smile like I haven’t smiled in a while, be gracious, elegant and everything else that you do when you are in a pageant.

 

So a week before the pageant, we had a meet and greet, or what we figured would only be a meet and greet. We gathered at the museum and got an educational tour, where we learned more about the rich history of our town, yes Beaufort West is more than just a pit stop between Cape Town and Johannesburg along the N1. There is a difference of knowing and actually being aware of the abundance that our town consists off. Delving into the history of how a farm turned into what was to become a flourishing town, in 1818, and how this town proudly have the oldest municipality in the country (nice history lesson there). So many times we get so caught up in what is lacking that we actually forget to look at the present and even the past that has so many amazing positive influences, experiences than what we are aware off. While learning about our wonderful down, we also took a trip down memory lane, visiting the exhibition of Chris Barnard (1^st heart transplant surgeon, yes he hails from Beaufort) and also his childhood home, where his ashes are buried in the front garden among the roses. All while this happened, the pageant experience was real, photographers capturing the candid moments that a group of about 25 ladies were experiencing. And still we had no clue what was about to happen.

 

Getting called in one by one, as a panel of judges wanted to have personal interactions with all of the contestants; and yes I was terrified, as confident and bubbly as I am, talking about myself when I don’t instigate it, is all kinds of scary. The question I totally dread was “so tell us about …. (insert your name)”, I responded that I felt this was a trick question, because I can talk about myself for hours, I could just say what I thought they wanted to hear, or I could just be me, the quirky, confident woman that I am. The “interview” went well and I made it to the Top 18, yippeeee I’d say, a step closer to that crown. I think what was most amazing about the Top 18, is that not everyone looked like a model that just stepped out of a magazine, there was a refreshing variety, tall, short, big, small, dark, light, and the top 18 was a diverse group.

The next week was preparation week, working with one of our local dance crews as they thought us how to shake, pop and drop, yes our opening dance had to be spectacular (and know not all of us have the grace of Fred Astaire). One of the challenging parts of the week wasn’t getting all the choreography correctly, but being in a room full of estragon is kind of challenging, different personalities, different voices, different opinions, so being confident has to be part of the criteria, standing your ground and voicing your concerns, opinions and input in a room full of strong women, wants to be done. In that week we learned how to work together as a team, if one of was out of sync in let’s say the dance moves, it would have influenced the whole moral of the group and how ones confidence feels. So the week taught us how to work together, how to be a team, how to be confident in ourselves and our differences, that our uniqueness binds us and doesn’t divide us.

 

Have you ever felt tensions so high amongst women, a dressing room can become too small, especially in a town where the average temperature soars to around 35 degrees Celsius on a normal day. Anyway, the only stressful thing was that it was extremely hot, the sharing and caring that took place between the ladies was really refreshing, just because we were competing for the same title, doesn’t mean that we had to be catty and bitchy toward each other. The way we shared the “home-made” handheld fans, hearing someone asking for some blusher, tissues or water, being able to share an experience with women and getting such a positive response is what made the pageant so wonderful. I mean we are all just trying to be the best versions of ourselves, so how can we be the best version if we cannot empower, inspire others without being negative and putting them down. This is one of the things that I personally take away from the pageant, to accept the differences that we once thought boxed us in different categories and allow the differences to bind and connect us, to strive for the same goal.

 

As we go through the motions, Top 18, Top 10 and Top 5, as the contenders get less, the butterflies’ increases. So the Top 5 got the same question, “what would you do to change the town, what would your influence be, what would you do to better life for others, how would you make your mark”, so this isn’t exactly  where you would answer World Peace, but this is the part where you can be so brutally honest about something that you are so absolutely passionate about, that you breathe, taste, smell, and see it, and that this would be your mission and purpose. In the Miss World pageant, the slogan is Beauty with a purpose and this is exactly the type of thing that our Towns pageant leaned towards. To not only be physically beautiful, but mentally, spiritually, that you exude inner beauty and confidence and that through that you want to make a positive change in your community, town and country. Remember the saying, “Be the change that you want to see”, this is the best thing about the pageant, looking for a lady or ladies to be a leader and change the lives of others through their visions and wanting to make a difference.

 

This was an experience that I would definitely not trade for anything in the world, yes I strutted that runway like I owned it, in swimwear, big thighs and all. I made connections with like-minded people who has dreams, visions and passion that coincides with mine and that is to better not only my life, but those around me, to create opportunities and see them through. This was an experience where you learn that beauty isn’t just skin deep, that beauty is your confidence combined with your passion, with love for what ignites your mind, body and spirit, and then to get the chance, the opportunity to make your project, your dream, your passion a reality, because you indeed are a beauty with a purpose. This is only the beginning of women uniting and making positive changes, and the Beauty Pageant was and is the platform for this. So as I smiled and waved as the event came to a close, I went home with a full heart, with so much to be grateful for, being blessed with funds to make my vision a reality and knowing that beauty isn’t skin deep.

 

 

Johyphendene

1^st runner up – Miss Beaufort West 2016

 

just an opinion

The thing is people will always have some or other thing to say about you, whether it is good or bad, based on the truth or an elaborate story conceived through assumptions. How do you deal with individuals who always have something to say about you, your style, career choice, love interest, what you do and what you don’t do? There is a saying that goes that if people stop talking about you, that is when you should be worried, meaning that as long as your name flows freely from their lips that you are still relevant and probably someone they somewhat hate and secretly aspire to be like in some or other aspect.

We sometimes, well a lot of the time care way too much about others opinions of who and what we are. Opinions is just that, feelings, views, ideas, thoughts and attitudes that others have of us. So everyone has their own opinion, that doesn’t make it true or significant until you as an individual allow it to have an impact one your life and how you choose to live life on a daily basis. If someone doesn’t like the shoes, dress or coat you are wearing, will you change it? if you do, it means that their opinion matters so much that you are willing to change and compromise who you are to fit their view of you. So whenever you hear smack talk you’ll find varies ways to stop it, by changing things that are critiqued and talked about, by speaking up and explaining yourself. This isn’t how it is supposed to be, whether people question your choice of hairstyles, partner you date, even food that you choose to eat, that should be their opinion and their opinion shouldn’t even disturb you, because if their opinion mattered wouldn’t they be a part of your inner circle?

Too much time and attention is given on how others perceives us, how they think we should act and feel in certain events is mostly based on how they would approach and handle the situation, the same with opinions on styles of clothes you wear, the job you decide to do, the boy or girlfriend you choose to date or break-up with, the way you speak and carry yourself, if you are to confident then you are arrogant, if you are introverted then you are a prude, you just cannot win. If you try to amuse and charm the people or as they are nowadays referred to “haters”, you will always come in second place, as soon as you do everything, changing things about yourself, they’ll just find fault in something else.

You have to be comfortable with being you, being content with the person that you are and that is the first step to not caring what others opinions of you entail. The person you have to answer to is yourself and your maker. If you are happy with who you are, others views and opinions will remain just that, because no matter how much they talk about you, question your choices, the only thing that matters is the truth; the truths about who you are, what you are and that will be clear to those who call themselves your trustees, your inner circle, the people you don’t need to explain yourself to. As the saying goes, those who matter don’t mind and those who mind doesn’t matter and that is so true. The moment you start being true to yourself that is the moment that you don’t need any validation from any outside sources, that’s the moment where people may talk so much nonsense and irrelevant things about you, that you just shake it off (also listen to Taylor Swifts “Shake it off”), because what they think and say about you doesn’t have any influence on who you are, it rather says a lot about their character.

People will always talk behind your back, but it is how you react to it, they will feel sorry for you based on assumptions, they will dislike you just because it is you and they will find fault in any possible thing that they most probably can. If you are comfortable in your own skin, happy with decisions you make, like yourself because you are supposed to know yourself best after all, that is all that matters, your true inner strength and beauty will automatically sparkle through and that confidence and comfort is what makes others uncomfortable and seeking for error in you. Light attracts light, and scares away the dark, so the best revenge is to be comfortably yourself and truly be so amazing that no negative opinion, view or attitude can touch you.

What others believe about you speaks about their character and not who you are, their opinion is just that an opinion.

confidently natural, naturally confident

I recently, well  9 months ago started wearing my natural hair. So for 9 months I haven’t resorted to any type of treatment to chemically straighten my hair, which leaves me with an afro, yes I have an afro now. It hasn’t been easy, there are just days where I want to dip my whole head into a pot of chemicals and get the straight sleek hair that I got used to for years. The decision to go natural was an impulsive one, the same with all my decisions when it comes to my hair, but this came on after I was rocking a Mohawk for a few months and the fact that I wanted to look more like my brother (he has a fro) and also because I am on the journey of finding myself.

Going natural is a journey for me, a journey of finding myself, a journey of confidence, a journey of finding what works for me and also what doesn’t. Through the years I’ve had a lot of different hairstyles and colours, because well I like experimenting and changing your hair is literally as good as a holiday. So how does confidence even remotely play a role with something as simple as changing the style that you choose to wear your hair?

We get used to being ridiculed or judged by whatever is in fashion, in trend and what is the number 1 go too look at the moment. Sometimes our confidence fluctuates at the speed of changing trends, just as soon as you are accustomed to one trend, the season changes and a brand new hot trend greets you and suddenly your confidence falls because your style doesn’t seem good enough seeing that there is a new kid in town. But then we question style, isn’t it your style, your personal style, what you feel comfortable in, what makes you feel happy and ultimately makes you feel confidently yourself? Fashion changes but ultimately how does it impact your personal style, how does it affect your confidence? Does it want you to jump on every trend train that passes your station or do you take from the trend and style it to suit your taste and what you like. Finding a look that translates who you are; I see style as a look that speaks for you and reveals who you are, but it shows the confidence that you have because you are comfortable in whatever you wear.

In finding yourself you learn what works for you and what doesn’t, what makes you feel good and what just makes you feel horrible. Confidence you find when you know what makes you feel comfortable and happy, it happens when you are sure of yourself, walking tall with poise because you are content with who you are. Any hairstyle, outfit just drapes and showcases the confidence that already exists within you, how you feel about yourself and how content you are in your own skin.

India Arie has this wonderful song I am not my hair and I guess you start to really understand what message it entails when you start to be confident in your own skin. This message doesn’t just constitute or relates to the type of hair you have, the style you choose to wear it in, the clothes you wear or the trends you follow. This song is about being confidently yourself, it is about embracing who and what you are, loving yourself and carrying yourself with the poise and serenity that you are blissfully happy in the skin that is yours. So if you choose to go natural or rock styles of ages, if you do that with confidence that you discover when you are content with the face that looks back at you in the mirror, well then that is all you need.

Your style is the result of a confidently content being happy with who he/she is and that transcends into everyday life. So when you walk into a room and you are dripping in confidence that overflows when you just spark a smile or speak a word, no matter what you are wearing or what type of hairstyle you are rocking, if you wear it confidently, well then, the world is your oyster.

the worst part

“I think the worst part of it all wasn’t losing him, it was losing myself”

How many times isn’t this the exact same feeling that you experience when going through a break-up, whether it be a romantic relationship, a deeply bonded friendship, even a job or opportunity you figured was exactly what you needed and made you feel so absolutely alive, joyful and happy. When this all comes to an end, the saddest part is when you realise that losing him/her/that wasn’t the worst part, the worst part was, that you no longer recognise the face that stares back at you when you look in the mirror. You get so caught up and so lost that you forget who and what you are supposed to be.

Losing yourself in any experience is the worst thing that can happen, changing who you are for someone else, for something, for an experience to the point where who you are becomes just a mere memory of someone who you once were. Realising that all the time you were investing in that involvement, with every part you gave of yourself you gave a part that couldn’t be replaced, parts that you ended up losing and would be even more difficult to replace and mend than shattered pieces of heart, than a wondering mind craving answers, than confidence that has to be rebuilt with a very firm foundation.

What do you do when you realise that you lost who you were? The person who you were before entering that relationship, that partnership, that company? How do you start picking up the pieces of what is a reminder of who you once were, pieces that you left along the road to create what you thought was the ultimate experience. Almost like in Hansel and Gretel where the bread crumbs could transcend as pieces of who and what you are that gets scattered along the road to help you find your way back to yourself, but when you turn around all that is lost. When you realise that the road you were on to the candy coated house wasn’t all that you anticipated it to be, that all that glistens indeed aren’t all so golden? How do you get back when you don’t have the road marks to lead you back to where and who you were.

That’s the thing about realising that you actually lost who you are, that you gave so much of yourself that you gave the pieces who makes you, you, the you who are or were passionate about falling in love, about entering the exciting world of skills that were set before you. Having to get refocused and dig deep and get to know who you were before and during and who you want to be. In losing that piece/person/partnership you get to find you.

The worst part isn’t losing the other person, job or opportunity, it after all is a learning curve and it makes us who we are, and makes us realise what we want, what we will tolerate and to what lengths and extremes we will go through to keep it, and we do get over it. But how do we get over realising that the biggest part of the experience was losing who you are, what makes and made you attractive and passionate, that attracted the joy and happiness that you seek, but also the confidence that now is broken down to rubble.

Losing yourself gives you the chance to go on a journey and start to find and explore who you were, but also who you are after the experience that you went through. The worst experience makes for the best ones, makes you rebuild yourself who you are, picking up the broken rundown pieces, toughening up, standing firm in who and what you are, believing and finding new-found love and determination for your passion and what you stand for. So in losing him/her/that, you become the -no nonsense taking I fight for what I want, I won’t tolerate anything less than what I want, I won’t settle for less than I deserve, confidently, strong meticulous – you that you once were, sometimes experiencing the worst, makes way for the best to shine through.

do you reflect me?

“Relationships are like mirrors. Who you choose to date is a direct reflection of what you think about yourself”.
Well is that a direct reflection of who you are, who you secretly are or someone you would like to be like?.

So what do you think about yourself? Are you a super ego maniac, who would hurt another if their ego was lightly bruised, who would choose their own ego above all else. Are you always right and your way is the only one. If you don’t get your way, no one else gets theirs. Throwing tantrums, starting arguments is your style to sort out a problem.

Are you a kind hearted person? Or don’t you know? Is the reason for being single because your not really sure who and what you want your partner to reflect?

So our parents are right, they have known us the longest, have all the history, so why wouldn’t they know what mate would suit us most. How many times have our parents tried to tell us when they see a certain person isn’t right for us? How many times have we argued, tried to prove them wrong, in the end we see that they were right (and they don’t even say I told you so). They see how unhealthy, unhappy, unsettling the product of that reflection is, but hey, we are smart, we know better.

Sometimes a relationship had to or needs to happen. Well all could be avoided, but where is the fun in that. Let’s take the most common case “Daddy issues”, this could be a mouthful, so what direct reflection do we get then? Someone we see as security. I once said and realised that if you are in a relationship with unresolved “daddy issues”, you will look for all the attributes in your partner that lacks/lacked in your life. So what will the indirect reflection show, what attributes will your partner portray? Will you turn into something your not, because the adoration you get from your partner is what you are looking for. Would you want acceptance from your partner meaning you will change your views and outlook on life to that of his. Would you stroke their ego and they become your hero, because you have been needing and wanting a strong figure in your life. Would the way your partner treats you, be the way you want to be treated, or are you just accepting it, because that’s the only way you know. Would your search for love from a fatherly figure be the cause that reflects in your partner. The way your partner acts, is he insecure and hides it with his big ego, does he talk a big game, because he wants to be accepted, does he want to cover up all his flaws, because its easier to be a poser than yourself.
Relationships helps us grow, we sometimes need different experiences to either teach us what we deserve, to hide or protect us when we know no other way, to bring out characteristics that sometimes are dormant and we need forced out of us. Relationships happen to bring out the reflection in the right partner, of who and what we really are.

So what is a true reflection of yourself?
Is it the happy person, whose smile entices so many, the energy that lightens and attracts people of all walks of life. Is it a person who takes pride in be it, going down on their knees and praying and not just achieving success in any aspect of life. Is it someone who isn’t afraid to lift their voice and opinions and not talk down to others. Is it someone who appreciates the beauty of a rainbow and not just that of a glistening of something golden. Your partner takes the centre stage and also easily takes a step back when another takes a turn. We want our partners to be a reflection of us, of how we overcame all our insecurities, how we want the best from ourselves, attract the best in others. I think I get now when people say that couples tend to look like alike the longer they are together, well their personalities start to be alike as well. So bringing out the best in your partner, means the best of you is what will reflect and what they will strive towards. Its making you want to be a better person, to live better, act better, be someone that your partner can be proud of, that you can be proud of.

No matter how we want to deny it, but what did we learn from past relationships. Thinking back what initial emotions gets unlocked? Is it that of pride, or can you say for certain at what stage you were at in your life. Would you go into that same relationship at this point in your life? Listing the qualities that you disliked about the person, isn’t that how you felt about yourself? Most times things we find irritating in our partners are things that’s wrong with us or things we don’t like about ourselves. The thing is if someone who doesn’t know you from a bar of soap, would meet and interact with your partner, would they see you in them? Is that the person who most accurately describes and compliments you in every way. Is that the person who you’ll be proud to have as a parent for your kids?

Its like everything else in life, you attract what you put out? Wonder why it seems you attract all the cocky, arrogant types, well do a bit of introspection. Attracting all the insecure ego-maniacs, ever think that you use your ego to cover your insecurities. Wonder why you attract a partner who needs fixing (emotional, physical, etc), maybe because you need fixing, and its easier to take on that case rather than working on yourself. Attracting all the overly obsessed with a little crazy in their eyes, ever think your crazy (jealousy) and neediness is the cause for this? Attracting all the physical appearance obsessed (all about hair, latest trends, social scene), aren’t you secretly yearning for that.

So the more we look at ourselves in the mirror we see what we want and need in a partner, we see what we need to reflect. We want the best of ourselves to be so seen in our partners, the one we want to build a future with. The direct reflection should be a true one, not filled with pretences, ugly that no one wants to be around. It should be that of light, sunshine, love, all the personality traits that you love about yourself, even those you hate, but learnt to accept. Being able to embrace and love others shortcoming and flaws, means that you’ve accepted all of yours. So it really isn’t about searching for someone perfect, because you aren’t either, but if we can accept and love our own imperfections;well isn’t it obvious, two imperfect souls being imperfectly perfect together.