The Kind Of Funny, weird, quirky, My kinda awesome

 

I don’t think it is funny. I don’t think that it is funny that I instantaneously started smiling as soon as I hear that voice. I wouldn’t say I am irritated, or mad, or playing a bit hard to get, speaking in that stern serious tone of voice, just to bring a point across, in actuality wanting to sounding all cool calm and collected.

In the mean-team as I say “Heloo”, you respond with that captivating happy sound that so effortlessly flow from your lips “Hi, how are you”; just there I could see that smile that captures you at every turn and each time engulfs you like the first, all this just by the sound of his voice.

Something weird always happens when I hear his voice, and it isn’t because I am quirky in my own right, it is just something that I think is super funny and it makes me smile and happy, because it makes me laugh, and guess who causes it…him.

I am bilingual and more than efficiently fluent in both, when I speak to him, it is almost as if the different wires that is connected in my brain, somehow gets crossed, it is like I have so many things that I want to tell him and want to say, that it all just wants to flow from my tongue in a ramble, as all the words formed wants an escape, but then when the words want to take form and escape my mouth, I start stuttering…

My English and Afrikaans gets mixed, I think in Afrikaans and speak in English and then I think in English and speak in Afrikaans, all in the matter of seconds, and my hearts starts beating with this busy ongoing in my mind, my cheeks start flustering, and I just smile.

Because in that moment you know exactly all that I want to say, you understand every sentence like it gets described and explained to the T, but I think the best part is that, you actually listen. The way you listen so intently to not just hear but to actually pay attending, to actually take note, even though the words fumbling from my lips are tangled up dilly utterances, you get it, you just get it.

 

I just don’t get how the sound of your voice, at the same time brings this serenity over me, this calm happy feeling, this glow that sprouts from within, a glow that is formed in the soul and gets pulled out only by vibes that echoes with the vibes that resonate with my soul.

And this is still just only by the sound of your voice, it is as if your voice touches every part of my senses, I not only hear you, but I listen to you, I listen to the words from your mouth, I see the smile on your voice, I feel the happiness in your voice, causing a smirk, causing cheeks to turn mauve, eyes to glisten, as if the energy gets transferred from you to me, as if instantaneously our vibe is the same.

I do think it is kind of cool that every phone call I have with you is kind of awesome, besides the fact that I feel it is weird and funny and quirky.

I think it is kind of cool, because every time it feels like one of the best conversations, no matter how short or long, it feels soothing and so gentle, it is like a calm to just quiet the ruffled. So even if it is weird and funny and quirky, it is my kind of cool, my kind of vibe, and my kind of awesome.

Leap down the Rabbit HOLE – part3 (the promise)

 

She was still so fascinated by the clear blue sky and the fluffy clouds moving in a swift rhythm that she walked without looking down once. As the grass still tingled on the soles of her feet, she suddenly fell to the ground…she stumbled over a little bush and when she looked up a wonderful oasis awaited her.

What she was seeing was a little retreat, looking as if it was just created for her, well it was created for her, and even her name was written on the place card at the table. As she walked around the table, being in awe of what she was observing, from the happy juice to the treats and book of spells that was laid out, just for her. Just when was in a mesmerized daze as she took all this in, as her smile just got bigger and bigger, there he stood in front of her. Now she was truly wondering what this wonderland that she found herself was all about. She found herself mumbling utterances, at least in her head it made sense, but as soon as those words reached her mouth and tried to escape from her mouth, she just got all tongue-tied. It was as if his gaze just had her bewildered and all she wanted to say could be seen in her eyes and the gigantic smile that adorned her face. The utterances that spilled from her mouth and didn’t make sense at all was perfectly formed by his lips, everything she wanted to get out, he already knew; was this really magic? Has she really found herself in wonderland?

As they sat down surrounded by the beauty of the forest, the light breeze cooling her as she felt hotter than the sun’s rays on this warm day. Her sentences started to become fluent, it seemed the longer she looked into his eyes, a sense of calm just moves over her, okay it might be the happy juice as well. As she became more comfortable, she became herself in a way that even surprised her, but he wasn’t surprised, not in the least. She didn’t know if he cast a spell with that book of spells that laid on the table, but is serenity just pulled her in deeper and opening herself felt like the most natural thing in the world.

As he looked into her eyes, he told her or no he asked her if she would promise him one thing… obviously she was flabbergasted, because what on earth would he want her to promise; with great certainty she said Yes before knowing what she was promising too… he said, “please don’t ever change who you are”…

Okay, she already promised, but if she wasn’t staggered before, now she truly was.

She had to process this bit of newly found information, she was swimming around in her mind and wondering why he would ask her something like this. Maybe he had sipped too much on the happy juice, because what made her so special that he didn’t want her to change. The more she tried to look for answers, the more she couldn’t find a reason or why he would feel that specific way. But the more she thought about that phrase, the more sense it made, but clearly he saw something in her, something that she doesn’t necessarily see in herself, but something that captured him in a way that neither of them could have anticipated.

 

As she wondered what made her so special that he didn’t ever want her to change and she realised, what isn’t there that doesn’t make her special.

 

She finally understood that who she is now, she fought to become and that being in wonderland made her realise this.

She understood that her being comfortable in her own skin was something she worked hard on, with all the stereotypes and what beauty is supposed to look like; the moment she embraced all that made her unique her, from her hair, to her skin, her mind, her heart, that is when her beauty started blooming, because she was just truly and honestly herself and doing it for herself.

She recognized that her spirit reflects how and what she feels about herself and others; the way she spoke positivity into her own life, how she let go of any negative thoughts and emotions that tried to infiltrate her life, the way she owned the distinctive quirks that is true to her.

She acknowledges how her passion is reflected in her eyes, in her voice, in her smile, in her energy. The way butterflies slip into her stomach when she speak and does something that excites her to her core, whether it is talking about her dreams, chasing and reaching a goal or just get enthusiastic when the desire and magnitude of what makes her happy and which she is fanatical about, pours out of her like lava from a very active volcano.

She concedes that her being honest and vulnerable is not a weakness, but a strength, how candid she can be, as this is an extension of who she is, as she had to rip the masks and facades off, piece by piece, bit by bit, to be who she has become.

 

She admits that she loves fiercly, she wears her heart on her sleeve, she loves herself, who she once was, who she is now and who she is yet to become; love is what drives her, it is her language, the unspoken language that surrounds her and is reflected in her aura and energy that surrounds her.

 

She accepts that her weird sense of humour is what makes her funny and in most cases hilarious in her own right, that even when she mumbles and gets tongue-tied that what she tries to articulate still gets across; her words is just one way she communicates.

 

Being in Wonderland is making her comprehend all that she was, all that she has shed, from the negativity and self-doubt, to the insecurities and fear. Before she even leapt down that rabbit hole, she was already someone who would just blossom and flourish in this new environment, as she creates it as she moves along.

 

Like she promised him, she won’t ever change who she is, who she fought to become, who she is meant to be, because this is the version that she is supposed to be, and this is why he is so captivated by all that she is.

Just Friends…

 

As I want to pour my emotions, pour out what I feel and make it known.

As I want to put into words what I want to say, all the sayings just turn into gibberish and I don’t knows.

As I want my tongue to freely speak a language that comes from within, I just turn mute.

As I want to honestly open up without being afraid, fear gets the better of me.

 

As I deny, it becomes a constant battle between what is said and what is unsaid.

As I admittedly admit the inimitable, a soothing calmness pours over me.

As thoughts float through my mind, created and inspired by the same thing that makes me fearful, yet makes my heart skip a beat.

 

As this grows, blossoming into the unknown, maturing from a seedling to a sprouting familiarity.

As words gets less, emotions gets more; as walls are broken down to vulnerability being the natural real state.

 

As this causes turmoil within, the what if’s, the why not’s, the why this. It also brings assurance in the weirdest kind of way and you find comfort in these words… We are just friends.

 

sweetest of nothings

As the heart drops as sweet nothings gets whispered into the ears, the warmth rises from the soles of feet, lifting as a cloud of a feeling unknown consumes the body.
Sweet nothings giving rise to floating emotions drifting on clouds in the heavens, clouds floating against the backdrop of a rising sun, the warmth filling the senses, all brought on by the whispering of sweet nothings.

Sweet nothings, the only sound allowed to be echoed in the ringing ears as the emotion known as ‘love’ filters through the blood filled vessels flowing to the lungs to gasp for air, to the heart that beats in a rhythmic beat as the soul is taken on an unknown journey of exploration caused by the sweetness of whispers that cause a twinkle in the eye, a sparkling smile, a tremble in the voice, all because of sweet nothings.

As the sun begins to set, the darkened night sky brings the silence of the whispering of nothing. The sweet nothings turns into a bitter after taste of a melody that came to an abrupt end. The once dropped heart sinks into the soles of the feet that once was graciously lifted by a cloud of the sweetest of unknown emotions, hitting the ground, tearing the earth apart as the once sweet nothings is just nothing.

The nothingness, wraps the body into a cocoon of silence, of the unknown emotions that caused the once rhythmic beat of a consumed heart to slow down as it goes into rest, the lungs barely being able to fill the darkened body with oxygen as the once sweetest of whispers is nothing.

The nothingness of the sweet, the sweetest of nothings.