The Kind Of Funny, weird, quirky, My kinda awesome

 

I don’t think it is funny. I don’t think that it is funny that I instantaneously started smiling as soon as I hear that voice. I wouldn’t say I am irritated, or mad, or playing a bit hard to get, speaking in that stern serious tone of voice, just to bring a point across, in actuality wanting to sounding all cool calm and collected.

In the mean-team as I say “Heloo”, you respond with that captivating happy sound that so effortlessly flow from your lips “Hi, how are you”; just there I could see that smile that captures you at every turn and each time engulfs you like the first, all this just by the sound of his voice.

Something weird always happens when I hear his voice, and it isn’t because I am quirky in my own right, it is just something that I think is super funny and it makes me smile and happy, because it makes me laugh, and guess who causes it…him.

I am bilingual and more than efficiently fluent in both, when I speak to him, it is almost as if the different wires that is connected in my brain, somehow gets crossed, it is like I have so many things that I want to tell him and want to say, that it all just wants to flow from my tongue in a ramble, as all the words formed wants an escape, but then when the words want to take form and escape my mouth, I start stuttering…

My English and Afrikaans gets mixed, I think in Afrikaans and speak in English and then I think in English and speak in Afrikaans, all in the matter of seconds, and my hearts starts beating with this busy ongoing in my mind, my cheeks start flustering, and I just smile.

Because in that moment you know exactly all that I want to say, you understand every sentence like it gets described and explained to the T, but I think the best part is that, you actually listen. The way you listen so intently to not just hear but to actually pay attending, to actually take note, even though the words fumbling from my lips are tangled up dilly utterances, you get it, you just get it.

 

I just don’t get how the sound of your voice, at the same time brings this serenity over me, this calm happy feeling, this glow that sprouts from within, a glow that is formed in the soul and gets pulled out only by vibes that echoes with the vibes that resonate with my soul.

And this is still just only by the sound of your voice, it is as if your voice touches every part of my senses, I not only hear you, but I listen to you, I listen to the words from your mouth, I see the smile on your voice, I feel the happiness in your voice, causing a smirk, causing cheeks to turn mauve, eyes to glisten, as if the energy gets transferred from you to me, as if instantaneously our vibe is the same.

I do think it is kind of cool that every phone call I have with you is kind of awesome, besides the fact that I feel it is weird and funny and quirky.

I think it is kind of cool, because every time it feels like one of the best conversations, no matter how short or long, it feels soothing and so gentle, it is like a calm to just quiet the ruffled. So even if it is weird and funny and quirky, it is my kind of cool, my kind of vibe, and my kind of awesome.

Haters- No more

We are all familiar with the term “Hater”? We all have our own term for what a Hater entails, but the common detail or description is usually “someone or people who dislike you for what you are, what you have or generally just dislike you for no reason”. (This is my own description or what I like to think a hater is). Okay, so maybe saying that someone dislikes you for no apparent reason seems a bit “out-there”, but also remember that when we dislike someone, either that person reflects a quality of ourselves that we aren’t willing to deal with, that person doesn’t share the same energy an vibe as you, or because whatever that person has (that which we see from the outside) just makes us a bit jealous. So yes, we do get haters, but what about those people who constantly encourage us from the side-line, even those we are not aware off, who continuously without our knowledge, roots and cheers for us, because they see the spectacularly wonderful qualities in us, and want us to do great, literally in every sense of the word.

 

So let’s just be honest, most times we are so fixated with what the “Haters” say and that is motivation for us to work harder, do better and reach our goals and in the end to lift our middle fingers and tell them to suck it at the end of the day. But have you ever wondered how many people out there is exactly the opposite of the haters? You know the kind of people who thrives of your energy, the people who shares your vibe, the people who know what you are capable of, the people who wants you to flourish in every aspect of your life, the people who prayers for you, the people who isn’t all that vocal, but the people who isn’t just waiting for that moment when you succeed to start supporting you. there are actually people out there who are the silent partners along your journey, those who want to see you make good of your qualities, those who believe in you and what you are capable of, those who see an endless amount of talent within you, those who see you struggle and would rather pray for you than rejoice in your scuffles.

 

We forget about the people in our corner and it is not that we do it intentionally, but we do it out of habit. Yes, habit, because how many times have you wanted to better because someone said you weren’t good enough and will never be better than you are now- and that could have been 5, 10 or 20 years ago-.  We were and are conditioned to want to prove the nay sayers wrong, we want to take all that negative energy and turn it into positive motivation for us to do well and prove all the haters wrong. And in cases where we have people who believe in us, they aren’t always all that vocal about it (where the negativity filled people always have the most to say about everything); it is not that they don’t want to shower us with beautiful testimonies, but we tend to want to question why people value us so much, we want to know why and how they see such amazement and wonder in is, when we can’t see it ourselves, yet we don’t usually question when people seem to “hating”.

 

The past few months I have been astonished, I have been caught by surprise, I have been overwhelmed, but all in the good kind of way… I have learned to let go of negativity, because the moment you allow it to enter your vibrational space, you start doing things from a negatively fuelled idea. There is nothing wrong with that, but just think about it for a second; someone has been hating on you and just said that you couldn’t do a specific thing, so what do you do? You take that negativity and try to make it positive, where your fuel to achieve the specific goal in question is motivated by all the negativity, but have you ever thought that in order for you to succeed, you actually have to go back to the place of negativity, the place of fear and distrust, to get the needed motivation. Then there are those who believe in us and want to see us on that pinnacle, so often when they tell us how they see us and what we will still achieve, we shrug it off and find ways to not want to believe it. But the way those words makes us feel, the way it shakes up our vibrational positivity, it feels sincere, it feels right and it is just affirmations that catapults us to a happy place. Have you ever tried to find motivation from words of affirmation, this takes you to a place of Love, a place of positivity, and when you need that urge of inspiration you find it in a place filled with high vibrations of energy, the actual kind that you need.

 

What I am trying to say is, the people who are in your corner, the people who support you, the people who genuinely want to see you do good outweighs those who seem to be “hating”. Just because your supporters don’t vocalize it to you, does not mean that they aren’t there. We get to fixated on that which we see and experience, like the constant dealings with the negativity of the haters; there is an idiom in Afrikaans that says it perfectly “lee blikke maak die meeste geraas”, what it means is empty vessels tend to make the most noise and to tie it in- people who usually don’t have anything good to say tend to be those we speak and act the most.

 

I just know as I am running my race, there are people who run with me, people who encourages me, people who sends up prayers and positive affirmations, people who see me fall, helps me up and tell me to take it one step at a time. These are the people I want at the finish line, these are the people who are making me achieve my dreams and goals from a place of love, from a place of gratitude, from a place of happiness, these are the people, who I do it for. I don’t do it to prove the haters wrong, I do it for my team, for my supporters, for those who believe in me.

 

blank canvas creeping

 

As words creep from within my soul, within the confines of a space hidden, hidden in a place only accessible by vibes felt, by energy exchanged, a place so sacred waiting to erupt with beauty that is kept inside.

 

As words creeps within the folds of my mind, tiptoeing its way through my brain, creating an endless string of magical phrases to be spread out on a canvas, so blank, so raw, so open, creeping to paint a picture attracting vibes from souls, meant to experience the message it expresses.

 

As words creeps within my throat, sneaks upon my tongue as it creates sayings, expressions, lingos that sends a conscious vibrational signal to the soul’s familiar by what is being said.

 

As words stick together as it becomes phrases, phrases linking thoughts unconsciously hidden into manifestation, as the creative language need no explanation, no interpretation, only the acceptance and understanding of the level of vibration it attracts and is meant for.

 

As words create an endless feeling of gratitude, of love, of acceptance, of peace, as it resonates with emotions tucked away, with actions restricted, it gives a familiar ring that is recognised through the colours it sends out, by the magic it creates, through the abundant energy it vibrates.

 

As words forms within, to create an enchanted kind of art, as it makes knows what hides beneath the surface to show a profoundly beautiful creation, only made known, when those words start creeping from within the soul, within the mind, within the throat as it awaits its blank canvas.

genuinely candidly Myself

There is absolutely nothing wrong with unapologetically, candidly being yourself. The past few weeks I have been addressing the issue of just being myself, to not only be comfortable in my skin (which I am), but being comfortable enough to be myself, when it comes to voicing my opinion, being this weird, wacky, free spirited person that I am. I am also very reserved, it all depends on my mood, how I feel at a specific time, but I decided to just be myself and surprising events has arose from it.

To be yourself means that not everyone will like you, their views and opinions may be different to yours and do you really want to change things about yourself to please others and then not being true to yourself. So if I have to be myself there will be tons of people who do not like me, do I care? No. I after all have to like myself, I have to live with myself when no one else is around, so why can’t I be the same person in public and in private, why do I have to put on different faces, to please different people. Okay, so some people won’t be able to handle my personality, I have heard countless time that I am trying to hard or trying to be impressive, but I am not. I am fortunate and blessed to have a good general knowledge, I have been actively reading anything from a library book to different types of magazines and newspapers on a daily basis since the time I was old enough to read. I am interested in different things, thus why I read; to accumulate knowledge and to be well informed, isn’t that the reason behind learning? So if I talk about sports, it is because I actually play and watch different sports, because it is interesting; if I talk about current events, politics, I do so, because I am a curious one, and I have my own thoughts and opinions and not just because I want to show off, but being well informed helps make better choices from a knowledgeable perspective.

When you are open to being truly yourself, you attract amazing things to yourself, whether it be opportunities, contacts, wonderful friendships, relationships, things that make you feel good about who and what you are. When you are comfortably yourself, it is almost as if you ooze confidence, have you ever been told by someone that you are something else? That you are like a breath of fresh air? And you just respond with “this is who I am, this is me, and this is how I always am”. There comes a certain level of ease when you are just being yourself, the energy and vibes you send out, are a direct reflection of what you feel inside, the fact that you are content in your own skin, that you are filled with happiness with who you are; that you don’t allow negative thoughts and experiences to impact you in a way that won’t allow personal and positive growth, in who you are and what you want to achieve and be.

I met a view new people over the weekend, I did some work for them, and if I wasn’t who I am, I wouldn’t have made new contacts, I wouldn’t have built new relationships and I’m just glad I am who I am. They say energy attracts, so if you are oozing confidence and just radiate this glowing personality, you attract what you need and want. If you are comfortable with who you are, others becomes comfortable with who you are (no matter the size of the personality), if you are positive you attract positivity, if you have this burning desire and passion for what you do, people are able to feel this and you will be surprised just how much your passion ignites a spark not just within yourself, but even those you surround yourself with, even if you just met. Being yourself is the best thing that you can do, I mean if you aren’t going to be yourself, who will be?

So I am unapologetically candidly myself, if it means that I babble non-stop without making sense, if I voice my opinions and come across as being just a little bit conceited, if I am this wild-care-free spirit, this is who I am. I am passionately myself, passionate about who I am, passionate about who I am meant to be, passionate about the love I have for writing and linking different ideas and concepts and bringing them to life. This is me, my personality, and the select view that appreciates and feeds of this energy, those are the people who makes me just love being Me.

self-sabotage…

Self-sabotage

Noun – (Uncountable)

The sabotaging, whether consciously or subconsciously, of oneself.

Verb

(Third-person singular simple present self-sabotages, present participle self-sabotaging, simple past and past participle self-sabotaged)

To sabotage oneself or one’s own plans.

So I decided to begin this post with a definition, it is apparent what self- sabotage means, but a definition makes it seem like I did a ton of research, when I just want to figure out why I sabotage myself sometimes. I am this hopeless romantic, I believe in fairy tales, yes I believe in having a soul mate, I believe in not settling for anything that is mediocre, I mean I want that uncanny-crazy-spontaneous- I cannot even put into words- wonderfully- magically filled, fiery- explosive kind of love. Obviously this love I first have to feel and experience within myself, the type of love that I have for myself before I can even think of giving or receiving that from another person, and vice versa.

So why self-sabotage when it seems as if the perfect relationship or love story is about to happen or is already happening, why feel the need to look for exits and escape routes if this is something that will ultimately be the story that you seek?

Well, I want to quote J.Cole “don’t save her, she don’t wanna be saved”. This one line is a perfect example of what happens when you or someone else wants to be the superhero who saves the damsel from her misery and want to give her/him the fairy tale ending you think they deserve. Thing is, not everyone wants to be saved, or everyone wants to be saved, but in most cases, actually all, one has to start with oneself, be one’s own superhero, start saving oneself. It is normal to want to be rescued and find that love that consumes every part of our beings and fibre, I mean wasn’t sleeping beauty in a deep sleep for over 100 years before she awoke by true loves kiss, or even Belle loving beast for what is on the inside and not what his exterior looked like, anyway this is beside the point. We all want to be loved unconditionally, but do we love ourselves unconditionally? If we do it will be so easy to love someone else, with all their flaws, quirks, and then you wouldn’t have time to look for exists and start self-sabotaging.

I have this problem where I self-sabotage love interests, not because I don’t believe in the possibility of every love being the one I have been searching for, but because when it feels mediocre and doesn’t resonate with the love and vibes I feel inside of me, why go ahead with it. I mean I always want to please others, be the perfect example or perfect partner that someone wants me to be, and in the process losing myself and the exit strategy… Self-sabotage. When you are really and truly in love with yourself, you know what you want, what kind of feeling you want to reciprocate, you know how far you are willing to compromise without losing yourself, your beliefs, your magical energy and the person who is meant for you will be pulled by the vibes and energy that you send out. It won’t be mediocre, it won’t be a case where someone has to be saved out of their misery, a case where someone settles because they are afraid that the person they are meant to be with is just a fantasy. It won’t be a case where you lose yourself to be a perfect partner for someone else, ending up pretending to be whom you are not and changing so much, because that is the love you decided to settle for.

I love this quotation/expression so much, definitely part of the next ink I get, “Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed…maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them”. I guess this just says it all for me.

Maybe she doesn’t want to be saved, because She Wants, she Deserves, NO she NEEDS to be her own hero. Maybe she self-sabotages because she knows within her being that the one she is with isn’t the one for her. Maybe she self- sabotages because she knows that she cannot pretend to be what she is not, in order to be part of a group who seems to be living the happiest life of relationships/ engagements/ marriages. Maybe she self-sabotages because she knows that the love that she has for herself still needs to grow, that she still need to love herself more in order to fully understand unconditional love, in order to give love in abundance, in order to be the partner who can be herself and be accepted for it, instead of pretending or neglecting parts of the self because the superhero didn’t sign up for that. Maybe she is just so content and happy and in love with herself that she knows what she deserves, that she knows what energy and vibes make her tingle, that she knows that she won’t settle, that she knows she won’t change herself to suit anyone who doesn’t deserve her, that she knows she will attract the right one, when the time is right.

So maybe I self- sabotage and I don’t want to be saved, and I won’t be tamed, the wild significant other will run with me and then self-sabotage will be a mere memory of what once was.

Grateful -days like these

I am grateful for days like these

Grateful for days where the drizzles of rain pouring down on the dry earth wakes you

I am grateful for days like these

Grateful for days when the smell of wet earth refreshes the thirsty soul

I am grateful for days like these

Grateful for days when the showers floods away negative vibes that entangles the mind

I am grateful for days like these

Grateful for days when the crispness of air breathed in releases the bad energy exhaled

I am grateful for days like these

Grateful for days when inspiration hits and moves like the clouds bringing refreshment to the land

I am grateful for days like these

Grateful for days when even the darkest clouds pours down showers of blessings

I am grateful for days like these

Grateful for days when the beauty that sprinkles down engulfs the soul into a tender embrace

I am grateful for days like these

Grateful for days when the smell of wet earth remains long after the clouds have gone

Grateful for the renewed energy hug left behind by the crisp fresh breeze

Grateful for the beauty for days like these