Small Victories

 

Sometimes it is all about the small victories… Sometimes even a small victory (no matter how insignificant it may seem) doesn’t feel like a victory… sometimes those small victories (even if you don’t or can’t seem to notice it) are the only thing that keeps you standing, that keeps you going and hold out for the for BIG successes …sometimes those small victories are masked by our craving to already be triumphant and neglecting the fact that after every instance we come out a little stronger, a little enhanced, a little more resilient.

 

So it is not that we don’t choose to necessarily see the wins that we accumulate along the way, it is just that sometimes in the eye of the encounter, even being able to breathe seems impossible. This may seem a little far-fetched or exaggerated, but is true.

 

Sometimes a victory is being able to get out of bed after being cocooned in the metaphorical safe space that it provides.

Sometimes a victory is opening the curtains, letting the sunshine in, opening the window and letting the breeze blow through.

Sometimes a victory is stepping out of the darkness that seems so secure and comfy, as to the light that is so uncomfortable it edges on terrifying.

Sometimes a victory is looking at your reflection in a mirror as too shying away from the image that will stare back at you and you aren’t willing to face.

Sometimes a victory is admitting that you aren’t okay after hiding behind masks and smiley faces, fronting and keeping it all together.

Sometimes a victory is smiling after the glow in your eye has been lost, the curves of your mouth turned upside down and when it seems you have forgotten how to utilize that grin.

Sometimes a victory is being vulnerable after having been spirited, resilient and strong to a breaking point.

Sometimes a victory is just you, being gentle with yourself instead of being harsh, critical and even unkind towards your accomplishments and who you are as a whole.

Sometimes a victory is loving and accepting yourself, when you lose faith in your mind, your heart, your goals, dreams and desires… Loving yourself when you feel unworthy and unfit of love, specially the love from yourself.

 

Sometimes a victory is just you allowing yourself to be you…

A, you who sees these little victories as the biggest achievement ever…

A, you who gathers up all these little wins and piles them up as trophies and memorabilia…

A, you whose small victories sometimes means more than any huge victory could ever mean.

The Kind Of Funny, weird, quirky, My kinda awesome

 

I don’t think it is funny. I don’t think that it is funny that I instantaneously started smiling as soon as I hear that voice. I wouldn’t say I am irritated, or mad, or playing a bit hard to get, speaking in that stern serious tone of voice, just to bring a point across, in actuality wanting to sounding all cool calm and collected.

In the mean-team as I say “Heloo”, you respond with that captivating happy sound that so effortlessly flow from your lips “Hi, how are you”; just there I could see that smile that captures you at every turn and each time engulfs you like the first, all this just by the sound of his voice.

Something weird always happens when I hear his voice, and it isn’t because I am quirky in my own right, it is just something that I think is super funny and it makes me smile and happy, because it makes me laugh, and guess who causes it…him.

I am bilingual and more than efficiently fluent in both, when I speak to him, it is almost as if the different wires that is connected in my brain, somehow gets crossed, it is like I have so many things that I want to tell him and want to say, that it all just wants to flow from my tongue in a ramble, as all the words formed wants an escape, but then when the words want to take form and escape my mouth, I start stuttering…

My English and Afrikaans gets mixed, I think in Afrikaans and speak in English and then I think in English and speak in Afrikaans, all in the matter of seconds, and my hearts starts beating with this busy ongoing in my mind, my cheeks start flustering, and I just smile.

Because in that moment you know exactly all that I want to say, you understand every sentence like it gets described and explained to the T, but I think the best part is that, you actually listen. The way you listen so intently to not just hear but to actually pay attending, to actually take note, even though the words fumbling from my lips are tangled up dilly utterances, you get it, you just get it.

 

I just don’t get how the sound of your voice, at the same time brings this serenity over me, this calm happy feeling, this glow that sprouts from within, a glow that is formed in the soul and gets pulled out only by vibes that echoes with the vibes that resonate with my soul.

And this is still just only by the sound of your voice, it is as if your voice touches every part of my senses, I not only hear you, but I listen to you, I listen to the words from your mouth, I see the smile on your voice, I feel the happiness in your voice, causing a smirk, causing cheeks to turn mauve, eyes to glisten, as if the energy gets transferred from you to me, as if instantaneously our vibe is the same.

I do think it is kind of cool that every phone call I have with you is kind of awesome, besides the fact that I feel it is weird and funny and quirky.

I think it is kind of cool, because every time it feels like one of the best conversations, no matter how short or long, it feels soothing and so gentle, it is like a calm to just quiet the ruffled. So even if it is weird and funny and quirky, it is my kind of cool, my kind of vibe, and my kind of awesome.