Leap down the rabbit hole. part 6

 

She found herself wandering further and further down the path. In awe of every beautiful thing that surrounds her, from the perfectly blue skies and the fluffy clouds painted across the vast canvas. The birds chirping their happy song, makes her heart flutter and her feet tap in synchronicity with each step she takes. This path seems to become more daunting the further she moves through this magical place, pathways become narrower. The braver she becomes, the more she doubts if taking that leap down the rabbit hole was the right choice. She must keep reminding herself that it is just fear fuelling her doubts, and that she will overcome this fear, just like she has slayed all that has been in her path before, trying to sway and keep her from exploring this magical journey that was set out for her.

 

Letting go has been the biggest test for her, letting go of all the preconceived notions she became conditioned to before she found herself in this wonderous world. Letting go of her masks, the facades she carried around. Letting go of her Ego, an ego filled with needing validation and acceptance, an Ego filled characteristics she so badly wanted to run away from, an ego she could no longer keep feeding, as all the illusions fell away, and humility brought her to her knees with every step, dark cloud and storm that greeted her on this path. There was no place for ego in this new world she found herself in, anything based on fear would be torn away, as only love and humility would guide her through the traitorous walk way.  So many things on this pathway has been mere illusion, projections of fear and cycles needing to be closed out. All the difficult battles she had to fight to get through to the next stage, even when she thought she wouldn’t get through or over it, was based on fear, and as soon as she moved in harmony with her spirit, her courage started to peak, and slowly she started to put those fears to bed, and ended cycles that kept on repeating, in order for her to gain the knowledge and wisdom to catapult her further on  her journey.

 

Standing and speaking her truth has been a crucial part of this journey. It seemed the more she started to embrace her truth, delving deep into her psyche, understanding her knowing, acknowledging her buried emotions, she set herself free. She set herself free from pain that she has carried around for the longest time, pain that clung so hard to the walls of her heart, pain supressed deep in her mind, a type of pain she became accustomed to live with, until it slowly started creeping out from within her, where she could no longer deny it, where she couldn’t mask the symptoms anymore, and had to go deep down to that root and pluck it out for good. So, when all those dark clouds approached in formation, she knew that that silver lining was winking at her, with every truth she accepted, she gave way for a piece of pain to be released and tarnished. She no longer allowed her pain and the symptoms there off to consume her body, her mind, her spirit, her soul. Realising that it hurt most to conceal and cover up all these scars behind a mask, that the weight just kept getting heavier and weighed her down, that all these walls she built around herself didn’t permit for any of these low vibrational feelings to exist and that she blocked the high vibrational feelings at the same time.

 

She realised that standing and owning her truth meant to be completely honest, to not be selective with the truths she wished to acknowledge. Accepting who she truly is, is what this journey had in store for her. This journey needed her to stand her ground, to speak up for herself, to claim her power. By speaking her truth, she had to let go of fear-based thoughts, overthinking, over rationalising, creating scenario’s (that seemed to be her biggest escape), and face everything that was inside of her. So long on this journey as she overcame obstacles around every bend, the challenges seemed to just get more difficult instead of easier. But she is resilient and with every challenge overcome, she levelled up in bravery, newly found strength she didn’t even knew she had. By speaking her truth, she accessed her true vulnerable state, the vulnerable state where she let go of fears, being so honest about her true feelings, without being consumed by the what if’s, the what not’s, the maybe’s and worrying if things will be the same.

She embraced these feelings, as she became vulnerable, everything she felt and spoke, came from a place of love. The deep place of love that is indescribably freeing. As soon as she let go of all her inhibitions and fear-based thinking and worrying, a sense of freedom and serenity started to spill over her. She started doing and acting from a place of true unconditional love, the love that she had for herself. She was no longer fixated on the outcome, the when’s and the how’s. all that she knew was that she had this strong conviction, spilling from deep from her soul, that she indeed is stepping into her true Divine Feminine power and that there is only place for love. That what ever will happen on her path, she will approach it with love, that no matter how she would rather remain quiet than cause conflict, she realised with deep faith that what stems from her soul is love, and that loving herself and remaining true to her path, required her to act and speak from a place of this deep unconditional love.

 

Letting go required her to go deep within, to be truly vulnerable and this is fuelled by the unconditional love she has for herself. Letting go brought freedom, the freedom that feels like finally being found and in a serene place. She knows this path and all its things is meant for her, to be her true powerful self, and as soon as she really let go, love elevated her, love is her strength in vulnerability. This Divine Feminine power that she embodies as she further struts down this pathway, bends and all, her Love and vulnerability is her super power, as she slays away all the bad and sees that silver lining shine in all its glory.

Small Victories

 

Sometimes it is all about the small victories… Sometimes even a small victory (no matter how insignificant it may seem) doesn’t feel like a victory… sometimes those small victories (even if you don’t or can’t seem to notice it) are the only thing that keeps you standing, that keeps you going and hold out for the for BIG successes …sometimes those small victories are masked by our craving to already be triumphant and neglecting the fact that after every instance we come out a little stronger, a little enhanced, a little more resilient.

 

So it is not that we don’t choose to necessarily see the wins that we accumulate along the way, it is just that sometimes in the eye of the encounter, even being able to breathe seems impossible. This may seem a little far-fetched or exaggerated, but is true.

 

Sometimes a victory is being able to get out of bed after being cocooned in the metaphorical safe space that it provides.

Sometimes a victory is opening the curtains, letting the sunshine in, opening the window and letting the breeze blow through.

Sometimes a victory is stepping out of the darkness that seems so secure and comfy, as to the light that is so uncomfortable it edges on terrifying.

Sometimes a victory is looking at your reflection in a mirror as too shying away from the image that will stare back at you and you aren’t willing to face.

Sometimes a victory is admitting that you aren’t okay after hiding behind masks and smiley faces, fronting and keeping it all together.

Sometimes a victory is smiling after the glow in your eye has been lost, the curves of your mouth turned upside down and when it seems you have forgotten how to utilize that grin.

Sometimes a victory is being vulnerable after having been spirited, resilient and strong to a breaking point.

Sometimes a victory is just you, being gentle with yourself instead of being harsh, critical and even unkind towards your accomplishments and who you are as a whole.

Sometimes a victory is loving and accepting yourself, when you lose faith in your mind, your heart, your goals, dreams and desires… Loving yourself when you feel unworthy and unfit of love, specially the love from yourself.

 

Sometimes a victory is just you allowing yourself to be you…

A, you who sees these little victories as the biggest achievement ever…

A, you who gathers up all these little wins and piles them up as trophies and memorabilia…

A, you whose small victories sometimes means more than any huge victory could ever mean.

Just Feel it…(All the Feels)

 

Sometimes I just wish I could figure it all out, that the Universe would just instantaneously bombard me with all of the answers, but then I remember the only way out is through. And in this instance no matter how crazy it might seems and no matter how many times I go over it in my head (I tend to overthink, a lot), I have to experience all the feels and be present in this moment. I want to run away, kick myself in the butt, but running away from what you feel doesn’t help one bit, so suppressing all of these emotions won’t help one bit. The thing is it is such a happy emotion and I am experiencing all the feels, and you know what, I am actually happy.

 

So this above quote is exactly how I feel, or just a tiny bit of what I feel and trying to explain it seems so difficult, because I don’t know how.

 

Have you ever experienced a smile so fierce? Have someone ever just smiled at you, so genuinely, so pure and the way they smile totally reflects in their eyes (If the eyes doesn’t smile with the mouth, something indeed is wrong). It is almost as if that smile awakens something so deep within you, a smile that breaks down boundaries, that you have yourself questioning “What the F is happening”. That smile ignites a spark that doesn’t slowly but rapidly spreads like a wildfire; it spreads through every inch of your body and you know where it starts, in your heart. You can feel every beat of your heart, as it steadily increases, with every beat that spark just steadily starts to catch fire. Now the thing about this fire is, is that it is unlike any other intensity that you have ever experienced before. This fire is starting a revolution making any other spark that you may have ever felt before seem so dismal and mediocre. This fire is like a wildfire that usually happens in nature, when it burns out all of a forest and in turn makes way for new growth, making way for the beauty to once again grow, growing from the ruins.

 

Like a wildfire this fire starting in your heart may seem devastating, as it kindles feelings and emotions that may have been dormant, feelings that you may have thought you would never experiences, feelings only destined for the characters in your favourite movie or book. As this fire spreads, it burns away all of the walls you have once built up, it burns away all of the weeds, all the fears, doubts that you so willingly protected yourself with. It feels as if this fire will cause more destruction than anything else, I mean it brings up emotions that you would rather not deal with, because not dealing with it and not feeling it, just feels better and seems easier (having suppressed these feelings for so long and covering with fear, was your safety net, that is about to be burnt to ashes). And guess what this fire so effortlessly burns away all of the fear, as excruciating as it may seem, the deliverance feels much more amazing, it feels freeing, and you wonder how it is possible that for so long you didn’t want to give way to these feelings.

 

This fire is the ending and the new beginning. This fire burns away all of the walls, emotions and feelings that you have protected yourself with for so long, because you were just so afraid of getting hurt and after a while you just stopped feeling. This fire ignites and gives way for all those emotions to come forth once again, by burning down all of the “protective” feelings and giving rise to the stagnant feelings. Just like a Phoenix rising from its ashes, these emotions are now free to resurface, unrestricted, unhindered, to flourish beyond the fear that was once the forefront of it all.

 

This fire destroys all the feelings that you used to protect yourself with, to give rise to all that you have been suppressing, hiding and didn’t want to feel. This fire gives birth to a heart, a heart open to love again, a heart filled with passion, a heart ready, without restrictions, a heart that rose from its own ashes, sparked by that simple beautiful smile, a heart prepared to embrace all the love that it is about to receive, all started and sparked by that smile.