Just Feel it…(All the Feels)

 

Sometimes I just wish I could figure it all out, that the Universe would just instantaneously bombard me with all of the answers, but then I remember the only way out is through. And in this instance no matter how crazy it might seems and no matter how many times I go over it in my head (I tend to overthink, a lot), I have to experience all the feels and be present in this moment. I want to run away, kick myself in the butt, but running away from what you feel doesn’t help one bit, so suppressing all of these emotions won’t help one bit. The thing is it is such a happy emotion and I am experiencing all the feels, and you know what, I am actually happy.

 

So this above quote is exactly how I feel, or just a tiny bit of what I feel and trying to explain it seems so difficult, because I don’t know how.

 

Have you ever experienced a smile so fierce? Have someone ever just smiled at you, so genuinely, so pure and the way they smile totally reflects in their eyes (If the eyes doesn’t smile with the mouth, something indeed is wrong). It is almost as if that smile awakens something so deep within you, a smile that breaks down boundaries, that you have yourself questioning “What the F is happening”. That smile ignites a spark that doesn’t slowly but rapidly spreads like a wildfire; it spreads through every inch of your body and you know where it starts, in your heart. You can feel every beat of your heart, as it steadily increases, with every beat that spark just steadily starts to catch fire. Now the thing about this fire is, is that it is unlike any other intensity that you have ever experienced before. This fire is starting a revolution making any other spark that you may have ever felt before seem so dismal and mediocre. This fire is like a wildfire that usually happens in nature, when it burns out all of a forest and in turn makes way for new growth, making way for the beauty to once again grow, growing from the ruins.

 

Like a wildfire this fire starting in your heart may seem devastating, as it kindles feelings and emotions that may have been dormant, feelings that you may have thought you would never experiences, feelings only destined for the characters in your favourite movie or book. As this fire spreads, it burns away all of the walls you have once built up, it burns away all of the weeds, all the fears, doubts that you so willingly protected yourself with. It feels as if this fire will cause more destruction than anything else, I mean it brings up emotions that you would rather not deal with, because not dealing with it and not feeling it, just feels better and seems easier (having suppressed these feelings for so long and covering with fear, was your safety net, that is about to be burnt to ashes). And guess what this fire so effortlessly burns away all of the fear, as excruciating as it may seem, the deliverance feels much more amazing, it feels freeing, and you wonder how it is possible that for so long you didn’t want to give way to these feelings.

 

This fire is the ending and the new beginning. This fire burns away all of the walls, emotions and feelings that you have protected yourself with for so long, because you were just so afraid of getting hurt and after a while you just stopped feeling. This fire ignites and gives way for all those emotions to come forth once again, by burning down all of the “protective” feelings and giving rise to the stagnant feelings. Just like a Phoenix rising from its ashes, these emotions are now free to resurface, unrestricted, unhindered, to flourish beyond the fear that was once the forefront of it all.

 

This fire destroys all the feelings that you used to protect yourself with, to give rise to all that you have been suppressing, hiding and didn’t want to feel. This fire gives birth to a heart, a heart open to love again, a heart filled with passion, a heart ready, without restrictions, a heart that rose from its own ashes, sparked by that simple beautiful smile, a heart prepared to embrace all the love that it is about to receive, all started and sparked by that smile.

endings and new beginnings

 

So they say in every ending there is a better beginning, but to this day I still don’t know who they are. I believe in this though, with every ending there is something miraculously amazing waiting for us. When we here “ending”, it comes as devastating and also a lot of questions, because we just instinctively think that indeed it is the end, but have we forgotten that they also say that every cloud has a silver lining. The silver lining is the new beginning or lesson we had to learn from a certain experience, but we are so fixated on the ending that we don’t necessarily see the wonderfully beautiful beginning emerging.

 

I have been experiencing a lot of endings lately, my best friend is moving, one of my favorite aunts is also moving, and I just lost a part of the family, our dog Tyson was put out today. I want to cry so badly about all these things, but it is like something within me instinctively says “this is all for the greater good and that better things are coming”. I think I just realized again today that no matter how difficult endings are, it is preparing us for something better, even though I just want to lift my two middle fingers in the air and say FUCK YOU so hard. It is okay to wallow in the emotion that you are feeling at this present moment, I mean it is an ending, it can be a relationship, a project that didn’t go as planned, it can be anything, thing is, it is just as painful. We need to grieve and experience the hurt that comes with an ending, we need to experience these emotions to successfully move forward. We can hide our hurt and sadness, but some or other time, the real and true emotions will show. So if you need to wallow a little, do that, if you need to cry, do that, if you need to scream, scream as loud as you can, the moment you allow these emotions to leave you then you deal with it, and like someone once told me; The only way to get past it, is to go through it and experience everything, hurt, puffy eyes and all.

 

So what does a new beginning mean? Does it mean that you just purely have to forget about the ending and just move somewhere somehow to find and the embrace the wonderful that is peeking around the corner? For me personally when an ending occurs it usually means that the lesson I was supposed to learn was taught to me, but it is my responsibility to look for the silver lining, for the beautiful part, for the lesson I was supposed to learn from it. Believe me this is difficult for me, because I know and believe with everything I have that every ending bring great new beginnings, but in that moment it is difficult as fuck to see and perceive. An ending prepares us for the blessings, for the amazing intentions that we set for ourselves to manifest, and there is also a reason for everything, you can decide if you want to see that silver lining or if you just want to remain in the state of what you have lost.

 

I am going to be brutally honest, as much as the tears well up in my eyes, my soul started smiling, yes it is kind of contradictory, but it makes sense in the weirdest way. I still do not why, how or for what reason, but I know every ending in my life at this point has something extraordinary in store. Maybe it is intuition, maybe it is belief, maybe it is faith, fate or hope, okay, it is all of the above, but my soul knows that everything is going to be okay. The past month I have experienced remarkable things, you know those kind of things that you create in your mind and dream about daily and when it happens it surpasses all expectation and dreams. Well I just take that as my silver lining, well not the full silver lining, but just a taste of what is to come. I am a firm believer of what you dream, what you affirm the universe will send to you in the right time, because what you are seeking is already seeking you. So no matter how difficult the endings are, the beginning will bring new life, new faith, new life and a ton load of manifestations. I mean what you put out into the universe you get back, energy attracts and new beginnings is proof of this.

 

Endings are hard as fuck, it hurts like a MOFO, but that new beginning waving over the horizon, well hey, that is something that you have been waiting for, praying for and believing in all along. Endings suck, fuck it sucks, but every ending teaches us something to make us move forward with resilience and to embrace what is waiting for us. We live and we learn, it is temporary hurt, we just shouldn’t be scared and be willing, ready and able to embrace what the new beginning brings us. When you take that leap, that is where you are going to find it, and new beginnings brings Love, happiness, courage, joy, just as long as you are willing to embrace it.