Sometimes I just wish I could figure it all out, that the Universe would just instantaneously bombard me with all of the answers, but then I remember the only way out is through. And in this instance no matter how crazy it might seems and no matter how many times I go over it in my head (I tend to overthink, a lot), I have to experience all the feels and be present in this moment. I want to run away, kick myself in the butt, but running away from what you feel doesn’t help one bit, so suppressing all of these emotions won’t help one bit. The thing is it is such a happy emotion and I am experiencing all the feels, and you know what, I am actually happy.
So this above quote is exactly how I feel, or just a tiny bit of what I feel and trying to explain it seems so difficult, because I don’t know how.
Have you ever experienced a smile so fierce? Have someone ever just smiled at you, so genuinely, so pure and the way they smile totally reflects in their eyes (If the eyes doesn’t smile with the mouth, something indeed is wrong). It is almost as if that smile awakens something so deep within you, a smile that breaks down boundaries, that you have yourself questioning “What the F is happening”. That smile ignites a spark that doesn’t slowly but rapidly spreads like a wildfire; it spreads through every inch of your body and you know where it starts, in your heart. You can feel every beat of your heart, as it steadily increases, with every beat that spark just steadily starts to catch fire. Now the thing about this fire is, is that it is unlike any other intensity that you have ever experienced before. This fire is starting a revolution making any other spark that you may have ever felt before seem so dismal and mediocre. This fire is like a wildfire that usually happens in nature, when it burns out all of a forest and in turn makes way for new growth, making way for the beauty to once again grow, growing from the ruins.
Like a wildfire this fire starting in your heart may seem devastating, as it kindles feelings and emotions that may have been dormant, feelings that you may have thought you would never experiences, feelings only destined for the characters in your favourite movie or book. As this fire spreads, it burns away all of the walls you have once built up, it burns away all of the weeds, all the fears, doubts that you so willingly protected yourself with. It feels as if this fire will cause more destruction than anything else, I mean it brings up emotions that you would rather not deal with, because not dealing with it and not feeling it, just feels better and seems easier (having suppressed these feelings for so long and covering with fear, was your safety net, that is about to be burnt to ashes). And guess what this fire so effortlessly burns away all of the fear, as excruciating as it may seem, the deliverance feels much more amazing, it feels freeing, and you wonder how it is possible that for so long you didn’t want to give way to these feelings.
This fire is the ending and the new beginning. This fire burns away all of the walls, emotions and feelings that you have protected yourself with for so long, because you were just so afraid of getting hurt and after a while you just stopped feeling. This fire ignites and gives way for all those emotions to come forth once again, by burning down all of the “protective” feelings and giving rise to the stagnant feelings. Just like a Phoenix rising from its ashes, these emotions are now free to resurface, unrestricted, unhindered, to flourish beyond the fear that was once the forefront of it all.
This fire destroys all the feelings that you used to protect yourself with, to give rise to all that you have been suppressing, hiding and didn’t want to feel. This fire gives birth to a heart, a heart open to love again, a heart filled with passion, a heart ready, without restrictions, a heart that rose from its own ashes, sparked by that simple beautiful smile, a heart prepared to embrace all the love that it is about to receive, all started and sparked by that smile.
johyphendene 