Leap down the Rabbit Hole- Part 2

 

As she wandered down the path, still high on all that has happened, she gets lost in herself, and she gets lost in her mind, trying to make sense of it all. She didn’t know what she had expected as she was falling down the rabbit hole, but whatever she might have expected was not even remotely close to what she was busy experiencing. As she gazes up at the sky and down at the ground, it is as if the sky is the brightest shade of blue that she has ever seen, as if the clouds were puffs of candyfloss floating in a beautiful piece of art, the grass tickled her feet and made her giggle like she hasn’t giggled in the longest time and as she kept walking every step her giggles turned into laughs, the laughs that came from within her soul and heart, turning into a song of happiness.

 

What she didn’t realise is, that time wasn’t a concept in the wonderland that she finds herself in. first, time seems to go by so quickly and then all of a sudden it just slows down, it slows downs as if everything is put into slow motion. She is usually so used to wanting things to happen fast and the way that she wants it to happen, this wonderland forces her to be present, it asks of her to feel, experience and embrace all the different types of thoughts and emotions that engulfs her as she steps-steps her way through this new place. She regularly finds herself lost in her own mind, lost in thought, lost in scenario’s that she creates, trying to figure things out, trying to be in control. And here she is learning patience, as the candyfloss clouds floats by effortlessly, as the grass pricks her feet and the sound of the wondrous surroundings just flows through every part of her being, like the veins through her body. For a minute when time seemed to pass ever so slowly, she just wanted to tap her heels together and wanted to go home, and she realised that she wasn’t Dorothy and the only way out is through. Here she becomes present, here she is starting to learn patience, here she is just being, being without knowing how or why, here she lost in a wonderland of new, weird and wonderful things and yet this is where she feels most at home, this is where she feels herself.

 

As she gets lost in thought being mesmerized by all the wonder that surrounds her, she loses track of time, she remembers the eyes that met hers when she first landed on the grass while coming to her senses, the eyes that she somehow got lost in, the eyes that glistened with a familiarity that she knew was one of the reasons she found herself in this land of wonder. It is funny, because somehow months had gone past and she found herself finding and exploring new avenues within this new experience, but it didn’t even feel all that long. Was it because she wasn’t living in her head anymore, was it because she was present in everything that she was going through, was it that for the first time she decided to just let go, to trust, to have faith, like when she took that leap down the hole.

 

She somehow found that she had a new sense of adventure within her, she found that she was more courageous than she has ever been before, she found that she was more confident, she found that she had this immense craving to try and want to do different things that scared her, things that has failed in the past, things that she would make her grow mentally, spiritually and physically. She had this new found allure to her, she always had it, but it is only know that it seemed to bloom, like a butterfly finally emerging from its cocoon. As she became more aware of her surroundings that is when she started to blossom, almost as if her embracing her surroundings, seemed to transcend and elevate the vibes and energy that she was embodying and sending out.

 

As the path before her seems long and strenuous, especially because she isn’t aware of what is around the bend or even further down the path, because there is no roadmaps, no road signs; the only signs and way of navigation she has, is the stars that light up the night sky like a bunch of fireflies against a dark canvas, the butterflies leading her to the most beautiful flowers, the little pieces of cakes with the words eat me and the bottles saying drink me, and this was all the signs she needed, because she was present. She listened to the voice of the wind, to the chirp of the birds, she listened to her heart, to her soul, as she followed the path, step by step.

She is in a whole new world, a world that she has dreamed off, a world where magic is at her fingertips, a world where those eyes that she gazed into is her compass, her guide, her true north, a world where endless possibilities awaits her, a world where she is a familiar stranger; this is her hole after all, the hole she leapt down.

lucky Charm

This may be really silly or it may be true in a sense, or once again just another figment of my imagination that I am trying to figure out. I sometimes feel like a lucky charm and no I am not the one who benefits from it all, people I have had some sort of relationship on a somewhat personal level with, they seem to be the benefactors. If you have ever watched the movie “Good Luck Chuck” you will probably know what I am referring too and yes even though I am the clumsy leading lady sometimes as I look back I end up being Chuck.

This can be looked at through different goggles or be filtered like crazy just to blur and make sense of it all, or well just testing different scenario’s seems to be some sort of solution. But maybe the thing is, that reading too much into something and overanalysing is the cause for all of the confusion or maybe the lucky charm theory is true (hopefully it is not, of course it isn’t). Or maybe I should just watch the movie again and focus on the ending and skip through all the lucky charm nonsense.

Sometimes you just get the WTF is wrong with me feeling when you realise that people you have had some sort of rendezvous with are either now on the brink of getting engaged, happily married (that’s what it looks like) or having babies. Yes their happiness and the choice they made had has nothing to do with you, but yet sometimes it feels that way. What goes through your mind? Well, I wondered WTF is wrong with me, why can’t I also be the leading lady whose happy story is in the process of happening, I also wondered and sometimes still do, why was I chosen to dodge that bullet. So you might feel like a lucky charm and in a way it is some sort of compliment, lol yes I said compliment. Just think about it though, seeing people that you had a history or story with and being genuinely happy for them is kind of a liberating feeling. Being genuinely happy for another person is sometimes a difficult thing to do, especially when you aren’t happy as a person or not where you want to be in life, but the moment you can be happy for another person and see the silver lining, doesn’t that mean that you are happy as a person, with whom and what you are. It also means that you played a role in that other person’s life, being a lesson or stepping stone for them in their search of what they want and what they need. As you find the positivity in it that’s when you find the positive lessons that you are supposed to take from it, even though you might still feel like a lucky charm.

As you analyse and try and wreck you brain as to why you haven’t found your lucky charm yet, it is because you have to get out of your own head and realise that every random rendezvous and personal relationship with different people is indeed your lucky charm. You learn lessons from every interaction you come across, whether that relationship didn’t last, whether that hook up was just a hook up, it sets you on the path to discover what you really want, what you really need, what you would settle for and what you would never settle for. Yes, you are still single and in the process of self-discovery but the question remains are you Happy? Can you see the reasons why you aren’t the one who is on the brink of marriage and can you see why that story isn’t yours, why you aren’t the leading lady in that movie? If you can answer these questions, that’s when you find the positivity that brings happiness and peace of mind.

As much as you feel like a lucky charm, you are a lucky charm, isn’t it that you brought some kind of happiness to another person and that person to you? Didn’t you learn both negative and positive lessons? So even if it feels like you want to scream WTF whenever you see that once again your charms seemed to work in someone else’s favour, you can sigh with relieve because that wasn’t for you and somewhere your lucky charm will get to you when it is time for you to be the leading lady. So if being a lucky charm is a thing, well I am glad to be one and happy to play some sort of part. I also guess being my own lucky charm is a thing, dodging bullets and stuff, the stuff books are written about and movies made off.

then it happens

It all starts with one letter, one letter trying to form into a word all the tangled ideas, but mostly troubled fear filled thoughts of a brain struggling to send signals to hands and fingers to pin and write down and make sense of all that seems senseless. It all seems senseless, uninspired, ideas covered in a mist of doubt, until finally something sparks, when procrastination just becomes a word, an empty word, a word that gets avoided, and a word that loses its power.

Maybe it is because of laziness, maybe it’s because of procrastination, or maybe it is just because of overthinking, thinking about the what ifs and the what not’s, worrying about things which cannot be controlled, worrying about things that slowly kills the creative process, slowly slows down words that came out swiftly into forced, overthought rejects of creativeness dried out like a sponge.

Then it happens, it happens, the words that doesn’t make sense start to make sense, no matter how procrastinating steals away time, thoughts, ideas and what needs to be pinned down, the words slowly start to make sense again. Fingers starting to have a mind of their own, pulses move so fast to put into words how it feels when a drought is over, when inspiration hits, when being sick and tired of not trying, is actually the only way out, being so tired of delaying that the only way is a forceful exploration inside every fold of a mind that hides all that needs to be written down, because of fear. Isn’t it fear that holds back divinely inspired ideas, procrastination fuelling the ideas to be packed away deeper and further, allowing the creative juices to drip drip, drip drip, where it once flowed, all because of fear.

So it just starts with the urgency, the need the desire, to get back what is ideally mine, to let go of fear, to neglect all the negativity, to eliminate procrastination, to find creativity, to seek the folds of a mind filled with fog covered ideas, shine a light on it and make the ideas what it is supposed to be, to start something new, to just give it all that can be given, to not allow fear to knock down greatness and what it is supposed to be, allowing fear to be the fuel that burns that fire of creativeness so bright that no matter how hard you try to hide it, it is impossible, because its bigger and better than you ever anticipated.. it’s gonna be amazing…

conversations in limited characters

We live in a generation where what we want to say gets squeezed into a limited amount of characters, with the effect that what we say and what we actually want to say gets lost in translation. Lost in translation meaning that you squeeze the 300 words that is so incredibly descriptive and explanatory into 160 characters, utilizing only the key words and losing the emotive filled- descriptive- unquestionable feeling filled sentences into a shortened version, and expecting it to have the same effect.

We text, we tweet, we comment, like, favourite and the all so favourite emoji’s. We substitute lengthy words and sentences for the shortened characters of just an emoji. There is absolutely nothing wrong with shortening sentences and words and being able to use an emoji to explain exactly how your face looks at that point in time or what you are feeling; but shortening sentences to fit into the desired capacity usually leads to overthinking, overanalysing and just general craziness.
Instant messaging is amazing it beats having to wait a week at the mailbox for that four page letter smothered in cologne or perfume, or that smoke signal that you first have to figure out if it is meant for you or intended for another (that still happens in texting, that awkward ooops that wasn’t meant for you text), the pigeon that gets lost along the way and the S.O.S that you still cannot figure out how to work. The thing about texting is, especially when it is with a potential significant other or even just a friend, we tend to read what we want to read because of our preconceived ideas, wants, needs and hopes of what we would want it to be. It is so easy to read a sentence and only take in the keywords that we want to, so we basically read what we want to read, understand what we want to understand and respond in a manner that suits our understanding of the situation. We tend to overthinking the responses we get, even if it is just a simple text, as follows; “heyy ” “heyy 😉 ”, one with a smiley face and the other with a winky face. we connect emotion and intention behind emoticons, where a wink constitutes as a manner of flirting, but what if the person’s eye was just really itchy or had a bit of an eye situation and it was the best emoticon to describe the facial expression and well a smiley face, it’s a smiley face. What we don’t always realise is that just a simple smiley face can hide more emotions than that wink.
Getting back to the point, we read into a single sentence what we want to, we add emotions that we want to feel or emotions we would feel if it were us who had sent that message. This is where it gets messed up, instead of asking what the other party means by the message sent, if we are uncertain, we assume (isn’t assumption the mother of all fuck ups after all), which leads to overanalysing different scenario’s in your head, because there could be a few different meanings (according to you). In a virtual world filled with limited characters and emoji’s taking on emotions it is important to say what you mean and mean what you say. You cannot keep running back and forth between 300 different scenarios in your head, all because of a conversation that happened in the space of 5 minutes (also including how fast you text).

So maybe waiting by the mailbox isn’t that bad, at least you will get a letter that consists of 1 or more pages, coz really now who wants to receive a letter and only a paragraph is written, maybe it will smell like cologne or perfume and that odd lipstick smudge where the lips was supposed to be and a silly acronym like S.W.A.K (sealed with a kiss), L.O.L. (the original l.o.l, Lots Of Love) or just the simple word Reply. We’ll be able to fit all the descriptive-emotion filled- dictionary descriptions and feelings into a few pages and not into a limited amount of characters. If waiting by the mailbox isn’t your thing well then just say what you mean and mean what you say and like in a footnote, just add the following; “the sender of this message cannot be held accountable for any misunderstanding that may be caused by the reader due to pre-conceived emotions, needs, wants or desires, overanalysing can be prevented by contacting the sender and clarifying any enquiries if uncertain, please do take note that terms and conditions do apply” (this should be read fast like in commercials).