Beauty Pageant Diaries

 

When one hears the phrase Beauty Pageant, what comes to mind? The first thought that usually pops up is, “am I pretty, beautiful enough”, the second thought is “will I have to parade around in swimwear and is my body up to par of what beauty is supposed to be”. But in actual fact when the phrase Beauty Pageant is heard, the first thought that one should have is, “Am I confident within myself to partake in such an event/competition”. But anyway a few weeks ago I heard that my beautiful town was going to have its own Beauty Pageant, yes, for the first time in 35years, Beaufort West got ready to dust off the crowns and sashes, presenting not only a pageant, but a pageant with a purpose.

 

I entered the pageant for fun, and when I say fun, I mean that the last time I was on a catwalk/runway was back in 2007 when I entered my high schools annual pageant. This was an experience I figured would definitely be one for my bucket list, you know, top things to do before you turn 30. I really didn’t know what to expect and I guess for the most part, it didn’t actually sink in that I would in reality partake in this competition, until the day of the event. Even as the preparations commenced, it wasn’t all so real as when that light hit my face when I stepped out behind the curtain as my name got called “number 2- Jo-dene Jansen”. That was the first moment when I realised that there was no turning back, that I had to smile like I haven’t smiled in a while, be gracious, elegant and everything else that you do when you are in a pageant.

 

So a week before the pageant, we had a meet and greet, or what we figured would only be a meet and greet. We gathered at the museum and got an educational tour, where we learned more about the rich history of our town, yes Beaufort West is more than just a pit stop between Cape Town and Johannesburg along the N1. There is a difference of knowing and actually being aware of the abundance that our town consists off. Delving into the history of how a farm turned into what was to become a flourishing town, in 1818, and how this town proudly have the oldest municipality in the country (nice history lesson there). So many times we get so caught up in what is lacking that we actually forget to look at the present and even the past that has so many amazing positive influences, experiences than what we are aware off. While learning about our wonderful down, we also took a trip down memory lane, visiting the exhibition of Chris Barnard (1^st heart transplant surgeon, yes he hails from Beaufort) and also his childhood home, where his ashes are buried in the front garden among the roses. All while this happened, the pageant experience was real, photographers capturing the candid moments that a group of about 25 ladies were experiencing. And still we had no clue what was about to happen.

 

Getting called in one by one, as a panel of judges wanted to have personal interactions with all of the contestants; and yes I was terrified, as confident and bubbly as I am, talking about myself when I don’t instigate it, is all kinds of scary. The question I totally dread was “so tell us about …. (insert your name)”, I responded that I felt this was a trick question, because I can talk about myself for hours, I could just say what I thought they wanted to hear, or I could just be me, the quirky, confident woman that I am. The “interview” went well and I made it to the Top 18, yippeeee I’d say, a step closer to that crown. I think what was most amazing about the Top 18, is that not everyone looked like a model that just stepped out of a magazine, there was a refreshing variety, tall, short, big, small, dark, light, and the top 18 was a diverse group.

The next week was preparation week, working with one of our local dance crews as they thought us how to shake, pop and drop, yes our opening dance had to be spectacular (and know not all of us have the grace of Fred Astaire). One of the challenging parts of the week wasn’t getting all the choreography correctly, but being in a room full of estragon is kind of challenging, different personalities, different voices, different opinions, so being confident has to be part of the criteria, standing your ground and voicing your concerns, opinions and input in a room full of strong women, wants to be done. In that week we learned how to work together as a team, if one of was out of sync in let’s say the dance moves, it would have influenced the whole moral of the group and how ones confidence feels. So the week taught us how to work together, how to be a team, how to be confident in ourselves and our differences, that our uniqueness binds us and doesn’t divide us.

 

Have you ever felt tensions so high amongst women, a dressing room can become too small, especially in a town where the average temperature soars to around 35 degrees Celsius on a normal day. Anyway, the only stressful thing was that it was extremely hot, the sharing and caring that took place between the ladies was really refreshing, just because we were competing for the same title, doesn’t mean that we had to be catty and bitchy toward each other. The way we shared the “home-made” handheld fans, hearing someone asking for some blusher, tissues or water, being able to share an experience with women and getting such a positive response is what made the pageant so wonderful. I mean we are all just trying to be the best versions of ourselves, so how can we be the best version if we cannot empower, inspire others without being negative and putting them down. This is one of the things that I personally take away from the pageant, to accept the differences that we once thought boxed us in different categories and allow the differences to bind and connect us, to strive for the same goal.

 

As we go through the motions, Top 18, Top 10 and Top 5, as the contenders get less, the butterflies’ increases. So the Top 5 got the same question, “what would you do to change the town, what would your influence be, what would you do to better life for others, how would you make your mark”, so this isn’t exactly  where you would answer World Peace, but this is the part where you can be so brutally honest about something that you are so absolutely passionate about, that you breathe, taste, smell, and see it, and that this would be your mission and purpose. In the Miss World pageant, the slogan is Beauty with a purpose and this is exactly the type of thing that our Towns pageant leaned towards. To not only be physically beautiful, but mentally, spiritually, that you exude inner beauty and confidence and that through that you want to make a positive change in your community, town and country. Remember the saying, “Be the change that you want to see”, this is the best thing about the pageant, looking for a lady or ladies to be a leader and change the lives of others through their visions and wanting to make a difference.

 

This was an experience that I would definitely not trade for anything in the world, yes I strutted that runway like I owned it, in swimwear, big thighs and all. I made connections with like-minded people who has dreams, visions and passion that coincides with mine and that is to better not only my life, but those around me, to create opportunities and see them through. This was an experience where you learn that beauty isn’t just skin deep, that beauty is your confidence combined with your passion, with love for what ignites your mind, body and spirit, and then to get the chance, the opportunity to make your project, your dream, your passion a reality, because you indeed are a beauty with a purpose. This is only the beginning of women uniting and making positive changes, and the Beauty Pageant was and is the platform for this. So as I smiled and waved as the event came to a close, I went home with a full heart, with so much to be grateful for, being blessed with funds to make my vision a reality and knowing that beauty isn’t skin deep.

 

 

Johyphendene

1^st runner up – Miss Beaufort West 2016

 

First week Fumbles

It’s been a little over a week into the New Year and maybe a lot has happened already, you know events that made you want to jump around and be ecstatically happy or the not so great moment that made you question if this was how the rest of the year would go. This is all possible, maybe you are part of those who felt the year kick off with a major bang, and two days into it, just had you questioning wtf and just making you more determined to change the course of the year.

 

Maybe you didn’t want to start the year off with a hand full of resolutions, because past experiences has taught you, to go about it on a day to day basis, I mean do you remember when you said you would go to gym; you ended up taking a selfie and just stopped going after the first day or week. So maybe you are just deciding to take a different approach, making a conscious decision to apply resolutions on a daily basis, allowing it to become a part, an extension of your everyday life and how you want to go about it. And it kinda works, it isn’t just a resolution anymore, it becomes, your goal, a desire, want and need that you consciously start to work towards as it becomes a part of who you are and want to be.

 

Maybe your new year started with a heartbreak, or just a break in something, the kind of break where someone decided to walk away from a relationship or situation that no longer serves them, where there is no more space to grow. Or maybe you were the one who walked away from a situation, because you were tackled by fear and over thinking and just because it seemed like the safest bet, even when you already knew that the only way it is supposed to play out, is for you to go through it. Maybe you realised in the first few week of the New Year that certain situations and relationships are just meant to be in your life at this specific time, no matter how crazy, foolish and dangerous it may seem and as much as you want to let go, you just get pulled in deeper. Whether you walked away or got walked out on, there is a lesson to be learnt, and if you decided to actually go through the motions, the only way out is through, it wouldn’t be easy, and maybe you will want to kick your own ass through the process, but if it sits right in your soul, it will be so worth it.

 

Maybe in the first week, you get reminded of your past, a past that you aren’t ashamed of anymore, no matter how shameful it was, because you owned up to every choice made, every action taken. You aren’t your past after all, but it did impact on who you are today, you learned from it, and every day you are striving to be a better version of yourself, to just be better than the person you were the previous day. So many times, actually most of the time, we get judged based on our past, judged by opinions others have of who we were in the past and this can ruin relationships that you might have in future. But this is the thing, if you want to talk about events that happened almost 10 years ago, do so, if you want to judge me based on who I was then, again, be my guest. But I know who I am now, I forgave myself for mistakes made and I learn from it on a daily basis, especially when it just randomly pops up and bites you in the ass. The thing is we are all just trying to be ourselves, and those people who actually deserve a spot in your life, won’t judge you, they might question your doctrine, but they will know and be aware that you aren’t your past, those who aren’t consumed by their ego’s that is.

 

Maybe in the first week of the New Year, you found new excitement, maybe you just received amazing news or you are just so positively inclined that being optimistic is the only way to go. Maybe you did something for the first time, something spontaneous that just made you feel that no matter how shitty the first week was, better times will definitely roll around. You know the part where you get pulled out of the car at a drive-thru by your friend, and you just starts dancing, and then your other friends join in, and it is just an absolutely amazing, thrilling feeling. The part where you are laughing so loud and literally just enjoying this dance party while waiting for your order. It is these moments that makes life bearable, it is the random, unexpected moments that just fill you up with so much love, joy, happiness and excitement.

 

So you may not have made resolutions, but you are becoming your goal, it is a part of you and taking and working at it on a daily basis. You may have wanted to walk from a situation, but you know that, that would have been true weakness and that this is a lesson your soul needs. You may have been reminded of your past, but hey you don’t live there anymore and those who remind you of that, deserves a place there, in the past. So maybe you had one of the best nights and moments ever that just sets the tone for the weeks to come, doing something for the first time, and just to let go and just embrace the now, no matter how silly or crazy. In the end we are all just trying to be ourselves.

Spring- Lessons from Nature

I am sitting here with an extremely stuffy nose, every time I open up my mouth to speak I sound like Batman talking into a Fan. Okay, let me be honest, my voice kind of sounds sexy, one of the perks of Sinus-season. As soon as spring started, the blossoms started blooming and the birdies starting building new nests, my eyes started itching and swelling, my nose became an ornament because I breathe through my mouth and well I attained a new kind of sexy husky voice. I knew in a few weeks this sinusitis will clear up and that I will be fully be able to smell the roses without the aid of some sort of medication that I have to snort or swallow.

This is such a beautiful season, just yesterday I found such a beautiful intricate built little nest in laying on the grass in the garden. They (with all honesty, I still do not know who they are) say when birds aren’t happy with a nest that they have built, they kick it out and start building a new one. For a moment I was so astonished by how these small little animals can build something so beautiful, the detail, the workmanship and the effort put into it, is literally breath taking. I am still wondering how they gather all the material and construct it into a home where eggs will be laid, a safe-haven for their little ones. I was and still am totally flabbergasted by the construction of the nest, by the art, by the beauty that nature provides.

So many times we want what we want and if we don’t get it in the amount of time that we set out for ourselves, we feel frustrated, anxious, angry and basically like everything is falling apart and that it wasn’t meant for us. I have been struggling with this (it happens a lot), knowing what I want, but not getting it, or feeling like it is taking too long, I the get anxious, I start to overthink, overanalyse and then I just want to give up and start on a search for something new. But just because something didn’t work out in the timeframe I set out for myself doesn’t mean that it won’t happen. It is like a push and pull action, like pushing a door that actually says pull, no amount of pushing action will open the door, because the anxious fear filled overthinking overanalysing brain cannot comprehend how pushing doesn’t open the door, because all scenario’s has been worked out, but nothing works, until you step back because all this pushing is extremely tiring and one can just push so much, so hard and so long. When stepping back and saying screw all this pushing action, I’m going to walk away from this, then the light bulb moment happens, when you actually realise you are supposed to pull and not push. This all could have been prevented, but sometimes we are just so eager for things to happen and play out the way we want it to, we misread what is right in front of us, we allow our anxious fear filled overthinking overanalysing brain to jump ahead of ourselves before we even see what is right in front of us. And when we see pull, it’s like an epiphany, and seeing that all that worrying was for nothing.

While looking at the nest this is something I just started to think about, this bird is busy building a home to keep its little ones safe, but it is definitely not driven by fear and anxiety, if it was, that nest wouldn’t have been kicked out. The bird takes its time to build something that is not only safe and sturdy, but a home and wanting it to be perfect. Yes, maybe the bird wanted it to be done at a specific time, but even if it was done in the specified time, it wasn’t up to standard and the right thing, so the bird just starts again, no element (wind, rain, sunshine) will allow this animal to stop it from making and doing the best that it can most possibly do.

The same with how we feel. If it isn’t done or you didn’t get it in the time you expected too, doesn’t mean it won’t be perfected or that it won’t happen. It literally just requires a little more patience, a little more faith, a little more belief, giving up because it didn’t happen when you wanted it to happen doesn’t mean it won’t, it also doesn’t mean that you have to settle for what is presented or change direction. It just means that believing in yourself and your abilities and working towards what you know it can and will be, no matter how long it takes, like the nest it will be perfected.

So this stuffy nose won’t be stuffy all of the time, and the sexy husky voice will go back to normal, but then being able to enjoy the beauty and art what the season has to offer will be what happens. Enjoying living in the now.

i don’t know

I haven’t written in a while and it isn’t because I don’t have anything to say, I guess it is just because I don’t know how to gather my thoughts, how to make sense of all that is tumbling around in my head, how to release all the relentless emotions that fills me and make it seem as if I am on a rollercoaster ride with more lows than highs. It is funny how whenever I struggle with some sort of thing, it blocks my ability, my creativeness and I just have to start writing to make sense of it all or to figure out why and how. It is as if my writing is the solution to my problems and yet it is the most difficult thing do, when thoughts, ideas, emotions swims around like different colour washing in a tumble dryer. I even considered to stop writing all and all, and I get all teary when I say this, the thought crossed my mind to just stop writing. And this isn’t because I don’t have a story to tell, because I have plenty, this isn’t because I’m not enjoying it, because I am, it is just that sometimes it just flows out of me and other times (like now) it is all that makes sense and feels right to me, no matter the struggle it takes just to get started..

I am honestly freaking out, because for once in my life I found something that makes me truly happy, even just the thought of creating something in my mind before I actually lay it down on paper, excites me like a 16 year old heading out on her first date. As much as I am freaking out about something that excites me, I am freaking out because is this the right thing, this wasn’t at all in the plan and my 16 year old self would agree here. I guess I just visualised my life different and as much as I trust and believe and know that this is the way that it is supposed to be, I just figured it would be different. While I’m being honest, I figured that I would have this amazing career now, well on my way to being successful in the field that I decided to study toward (take into account that I did change my course of study, but not important now). Yes, I always saw myself as being this charismatic, confident, in control almost 26 year old, who has her life together and ticking all the boxes as she goes along. After the wonderful career was supposed to begin, I was supposed to get engaged to Prince Charming who ultimately turned out to be a frog and get married, the whole fairy tale experience, I mean why the F did I read all that ish for. So after getting married we would be living in our amazing home and start our family, which in my 16year old brain would be right about now.

So my timeline isn’t even close to that, not even remotely. And this is what makes me freak out, because am I even on the right path, am I going the right way, should I take another route or am I just freaking out. I ultimately am happy with the person I am now, yeah, even though career wise I am nowhere, (don’t know if my 16year old self would be disappointed, angry, mad, sad, happy or proud of me).I am not going to lie, sometimes it bothers me that I am not where I wanted to be but it makes me feel content that I know that the way I feel when I do what I love is ultimately the feeling that I chase and what I am after. Relationships, engagement, marriage, as I watch countless episodes of Brides searching for their perfect dresses, I am happy just doing that, watching. As I get ideas for my special day, someday, I realise that I am still growing into the woman I would want my future husband to meet, that I am still learning so much about myself, things that I fall in love with every day and when the time is right I know the right person will as well. I still feel like a child and that’s being honest, as much as age defines being mature or an adult, I actually still feel like a child, I guess I am still a 16year old at heart, now directing her life, or being on the path that she wants to be on.

I am turning 26 in exactly one week, am I freaked out? HELL YES, Am I scared? HELL YES!! And no this isn’t a quarter life crisis, I already went through that, thus the start of my blog, quarter life crisis gave birth to beautiful things. I guess this is just the next step, the step where I realise that everything is as it is supposed to be, the step where I realise that this is only the beginning even though it doesn’t feel like that all of the time. I realise that my 16 year old self would be proud of me, I broke the mould and I’m shattering it into pieces as I go along. I am not what I thought I would be, not in the least, but this is actually more exciting. Doing what makes me happy, chasing dreams and goals based on what brings me joy and happiness, no matter how outside of the box/the normal it is. I believe this is the beginning to greatness, this is the start to a career that I wouldn’t have been able to anticipate the magnitude, to a love story that’ll exceed the number 1 movies. I am just moving at my pace, taking my path and being happy while doing it. I don’t fit the mould and I’m glad that I don’t.

taking my own advice

It is so easy to give everyone around you sound and useful advice, when they are going through a somewhat difficult time, need a pep talk, need their confidence boosted, when they lost a chance/opportunity. Why is it so difficult to follow your own advice, why is it so difficult to sometimes remain positive when negativity and rejection strikes from all angles?

So apparently dealing with it and trying to be your own positive voice is what needs to be done, basically, taking the same meds that you dish out to others. So recently I chased an opportunity, something that I have been dreaming of, something that I wanted, something I saw as a stepping stone to take me to amazing new heights, just the start of something wonderful. I gave myself the much-needed pep-talks, the inspiration, the quotes, jokes and everything that I would tell another person when I want them to be and do their absolute best and of course to make them believe in themselves. I was high on positive energy and vibes and I guess I wanted it so badly I tricked my mind into believing that anything I put my mind too I can do and achieve.

I remember dripping in positivity, but having a calmness over me, like having a gut feel that just say that I’ll be fine, whether I do well or not. Having conversations with myself (those where I look myself in the eye and have a total heart to heart, team talk almost) and just releasing everything to the universe. So I took my own advice, I remained calm and just did my utmost best, I mean, they do say all you have to do and give is your best, and that is what I did. I stated that whatever the outcome, it will be in my best interest, (what a way to take my own advice).

The outcome wasn’t what I had hoped for and weirdly enough I was okay with it, I just patted myself on the back and cheered myself for taking chances and putting myself out there. I was okay with things not working out the way I Hoped and anticipated it too, and I knew in that moment that bigger and better things awaits (well that’s what I usually tell others and because I really believe it). I really figured that I was okay and I knew and still know that a year or two down the line the same opportunity I missed or didn’t get, will be the same opportunity that I will turn down or have as one of many options, because what I have is wonderful and I believe this with my heart and soul.

So I kind of had a break down, almost a month afterwards, because it suddenly dawned on me that I didn’t get what I wanted so badly, that I don’t feel good enough, talented enough, what I did wrong, that I want to change me, that I still have to put so much work in myself and I don’t have the faintest clue where to start, and I just really started questioning my decisions and my next step. My next step as in will I allow this to remain just a dream, or will I keep pep-talking myself, having faith and hope, until, the doors and windows of opportunity are open so wide, that no gust of wind, tornado or anything can shut it.

I guess I realised that well, putting myself out there was really just the start, the start of wonderful ventures coming my way, the fact that the people who saw me at that opportunity that day will look back in a year or two and tell others about that day I didn’t get what I wanted, but look where I am now (you know the groupie effect, I knew her before everything). I know I made an impact and I know now just how badly I want to chase my dreams, how I need my talents to shine and be heard, spoken and written. But I am taking my own advice, my cliché pep-talks, my dreamer brain and I’m taking every day as it comes, because I know I have the ability to do amazing things and I am already busy doing so. And it is true, the more or often the No’s pour in, the quicker its shaken off and the closer the YES’s are… so I’ll just move forward, do what I do best and just keep believing in me.

P.S

It is also a year since I started my blog. Congratulations to myself on this milestone, to many more years to come, to pouring my heart, mind and soul onto this canvas, to doing something that I am so utterly proud of, to something that I love, to being the best me, cannot wait to fill this canvas for many more years to come… I am a proud blogger… JOHYPHENDENE (soon to be published writer, positive affirmations)

2weeks into 2015

So it is two weeks into the New Year, Two weeks into New Resolutions, and two weeks into a New Mind set. What have you been up to since the start of the New Year, since the clock struck at midnight and it was the 1st of January 2015, what changes did you make in the past two weeks or routine have you started following, that makes you say 2015 I’m coming for you hard.

When a New Year starts, it is usually with so much enthusiasm, optimism and happy spirits, we claim the year, we announce our resolutions and dreams, all to be our better selves and reach the goals that we have. We make resolutions that we intend to keep, like waking up earlier, trying to eat healthily, etc. so 14 days in the New year, what have you done that you can build on for the rest of 2015? What have you changed in your daily routine that you will follow through on for the rest of the year?

Making resolutions isn’t about setting the bar so high that it is unreachable or unattainable, setting resolutions is about turning negative habits that you might have and turning it into positive habits. Setting resolutions is setting goals, goals that you wish to reach, goals that changes your way of life for the better, goals that turns your way of thinking around, goals that brings out the part of yourself that needs to grow, the part that you want to change, but the better part of you that you kept hidden. We all want to be a better part of ourselves, we want to be happier, successful, loved, and be the greatest that we most possibly can be. But everything begins with one step, the step that is a resolution or a goal set, that we start to work towards.

I ask myself the question every day, so what have I done today to take a step toward my goal “resolution”? Did I get up when I woke up before my alarm or did I decide to sleep for another five minutes. Did I procrastinate yet again, claiming that I didn’t have time to work on my dream, while I was looking for excuses just to delay working on it for a bit. Did I start to substitute the words “want to do it” with “I have to do it”. The moment we stop looking for excuses, in that moment we start to gravitate towards our goals “resolution”. It takes will power, it takes discipline, and it takes the urge to be better to drive us towards that goal. We tend to delay because our fears come into play, our fear of eventually failing at our goals, but we stand in our own way the moment we think about failure, before we even try, before we even take that first step.

So 14 days passed, 14 days that we got all excited about our goals and desires, 14 days that our goals fell flat on its face, 14 days that we realised just how bad we want or don’t want it, 14 days to reassess how we want to approach the goals and see it through and send fear of failure packing. 14 days where we just take a breath and start again, wake up early, start writing that first chapter of the book even if it seems difficult, start practising flipping that pancake till it’s perfect, start walking till the legs feel strong enough to jog, it all starts with the first step, changing the routine, getting out of the comfort zone and reaching for that “unattainable” goal.

old year, New Year

So it’s the end another year, another year filled with endless amounts of happy, sad and even some unexplained moments. I read a while ago, a status of a friend that said don’t use the festive season to justify all the partying, hooking up and bad life choices at that time as Y.O.L.O.

The festive season is supposed to be a time of reflecting, reflecting on the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, success and failures and also the growth and stagnation that took place. It is also supposed to be a time of rejoicing, rejoicing in the sense of finding the smile in a crowd filled with tears, the laugh in an ocean of screams and the love in a world filled with hatred.

Standing on the brink of a new year, a new year filled with endless possibilities, with endless chances, choices, decisions and just pure hope, one has no choice but to reflect on a year passed. A year that passed that wasn’t necessarily filled with all the expectation that was hoped for, filled with disappointment, unreached goals, failed attempts at life, heartache that felt it would break the soul, discouragement in life, love and faith and also just general just depressing melt down filled moments. But with all the bad there was also the good, the good that was disguised behind the negative. The silver lining when a relationship ended that you gave your all too, the smile you put on the face of another when you were at your lowest, the pep talk you gave when you were down and out and needed one yourself, the rebuilding of a broken heart, seeing the progress you made even though it doesn’t feel like you made any. The weight you lost even when you gave up that New Year’s resolution after only five days, the mini steps you took towards reaching your dream, your passion, even if it felt like you didn’t.

So yes, maybe it is all about perspective, all about how you want things and need them to be, even if it doesn’t work out. Just remember life happens when we are busy making plans. Standing on the brink of a New Year, let’s make resolutions that will push us into the right direction. It’s taking that small step when a leap seems impossible, but even that step creates the giant leap and the bigger picture. It is about taking the time, reflecting and having positive thoughts, speaking life, happiness and prosperous thoughts over one’s life. It’s about being better than the previous day. It’s about being happy with you, YOU, The you that you see in the mirror, the you who dreams the dreams of achieving goals so crazy you don’t even want to say it out loud, the you who wants to be happy and let go of all the negativity that surrounds you, the you who wants to be better, for yourself, the You, who wants to spread love in everything that you do, the you who knows that success is within your grasp and when those voices of giving up starts to talk, you just say F U.

Yes it’s almost a New Year, new beginnings, but it starts with you. Letting go of all the negatives, seeking the positive in what happened, embracing the new opportunities even if it is disguised in an unattractive package, but it is about seizing the moment as cliché as it may seem.
At the end of an old year, we say cheers to amazing life experiences that was gift wrapped in heartache, sadness and negativity, we give a toast to the positivity and perseverance we were taught through the pessimism. We welcome the new year, with Faith in abundance, Hope beyond measure, Love totally beyond compare, dreams and manifestations that’s part of everyday life, but most of all to be happy, to be the best we can be and literally make the best of our todays the worst of our tomorrows..

2015, dreams, goals, desires…
2013 was practice
2014 was warm up
2015 GAME TIME!!!!

chasing pavements- dreaming

What do you dream of doing? What is your passion? What dream drives you that no matter how, even though you don’t have the faintest clue how you are going to achieve that, but there is just something inside that assures you that you can and will achieve it.

I always associate movie/song quotes with what goes on in my life at a specific point in time, or I adapt it to suit my situation or see the similarities in it. there is this scene in Runner Runner where the FBI is investigating the “gambling ring” and this one guy wants out, he says he is getting a job in Wall Street and he says “so I’ll be rich, not super rich, I can deal”. So when do you decide that you can deal, that settling for what is set before you and giving up on the idea that you created in your mind,- because hey, dreams don’t put food on the table, dreams don’t put a roof over your head, so let go of the dream, store it in the back of your mind with all the rest of the childhood dreams that seemed like something out of a storybook- because it’s time to deal with what is right in front, it’s time to know that dreams aren’t reality and right now, “reality” wants and needs to be faced.

So when do you stop chasing pavements? When do you realise that this inherent dream might be all it will ever be. Not just because it is just a dream, but because you have no idea how to go about telling your dream, or you don’t even have a clue how to start chasing that pavement. At every step you get encouraged to chase a dream a little more attainable, a dream a little more realistic, a dream a little more mainstream. But how do you go about chasing that pavement? This isn’t a fairy tale so the fairy Godmother isn’t here to just miraculously wave her magic wand or Genie to grant your wish and make your dream come true. You need your own magic wand, which is obviously the wonderful degree/diploma, wave that around to get a foot in the door that takes you closer to your dream. If you don’t have that, well basically you are screwed, because you have to work ten times harder, because that piece of paper which in actual sense you paid for, the lack of it, limits the chances you get, the doors that open, because that magic wand is a step in the way of the dream. A dream after all is just as real as you want it to be, dreaming and not putting action to it will be just like chasing a pavement that leads nowhere. Putting action into it and praying for the fairy Godmother or Genie to discover you, to open that window to or give you that opportunity to show what is within you, to give you a chance to swing around the wand that is broken and taped up. A chance to take a step towards the goal that step by step makes the dream a reality.

So the dream is only as real as you want it to be, as real as how much you want it, as real as the effort you put in, as real as the pavements you chase to get to it, because stopping is not even remotely a choice. So maybe the dream has to be put on hold, stored in the back of the mind, because reality wants that. so that dream has to be kept on hold whilst reality happens, while you store your broken wand and invest in a new one, with the hopes that the wonderful new wand will open doors that will someday open a door to the dream of the pavement that is your goal. As long as the dream keeps persisting chasing the pavement is a reality of keeping the broken patched up wand, swinging and waving it until that Genie appears; a reality just as real as getting a new wand when you stop chasing the pavement that might lead nowhere and settle for the pavement that is presented.

I’ll wave the broken patched up wand, chasing the pavement that leads to my dreams and Wait for the Genie to open the window and make dreams a reality.

happy for another

I have this cover photo on twitter and it reads “be happy for other people’s successes and at the right time God will bring your dreams to pass”. I have been thinking about this a lot, especially because I saw an advertisement the other day, playing on the underlying jealousy while pulling a sweet face to show ones happiness for another.

It is difficult to be happy for others, when they are in a position that you crave to be in, whether it be, their dream job, new car, a successful relationship or just being happy with who they are. We tend to question, why them? I wonder how they pulled that off. I wonder who they stepped on to get there. I wonder where they got the money from. And one that I believe anyone has asked once, whether you want to admit it or not, why them and not me?

We focus too much on why others accomplished their successes, instead of taking the time to be happy for them and actually understanding how they eventually got that far. It’s actually so easy to hate on what others accomplish when you are struggling to get to where you want to be, to have your desires fulfilled, and when you have no idea how and when you will be in that ideal situation.

Instead of questioning others successes, we should question their work ethic, their desire to work for what they want, to appreciate the fact that they got a big break, that they took a chance (that leap of faith), the fact that they never gave up even when all the odds were against them. We don’t know how many sacrifices were made, how many late night study sessions had to be put in just to get the degree that empowered them to open the door to get their foot inside. We don’t know how many rejection letters and phone calls were received after interviews that went beyond expectation, but still having to hear, you are under qualified/over qualified/ not what they are looking for. Yes there are people who get lucky breaks, like models being discovered in the most random places, but that doesn’t mean they have it easy just because they got discovered, that’s when the real work starts. The castings, the rejection, the working hard to maintain the image to make it in a very competitive field. How many times weren’t quitting a part of their vocabulary, where the pressure seemed to get to much, when giving up seemed like the only option, because things weren’t happening the way they wanted, the way they were planning and they weren’t getting what they needed.

Yes those people are talented, but they also have an inherent drive and what others don’t know, they have a struggle within, a light, a voice that says “no, don’t quit, not yet, just push through”, a voice that they use as a pep talk, to take and get them through the times when all the doors are being shut in their faces, when the only hope they have is that things will get better and they will reach the goals and dreams that they set out for themselves. Most times these people are the ones who has to motivate themselves, who are the only ones believing in their dreams, their desires and their passion, the only people who keeps hoping and having faith that, that window will open soon. These people are the same ones who stay humble, who remember how it felt when they wanted to give and will always think what would have happened if they didn’t stick it out, if they gave up hope and their hard work and settled for what was right in front of them instead of pushing forward day by day.

So yes, sometimes people get lucky, get lucky breaks, get noticed and have people to mentor them, get shoved in an already open door, but then it is up to them to put in the work and chase the goal that they set out for themselves, to allow the talent within to grow to their best ability.

So the next time you question the successes of another, be happy for what they have achieved, be happy that they listened to the voice that said don’t give up, be happy that they are in a position where they have dreamed to be, be happy that they aren’t afraid to take a leap and that they inspire us to be like them, and to chase our dreams and passions no matter how far fetched it may seem.