Let It Go (Own Advice)

 

If someone could just tell me why it is so difficult to follow one’s own advice? I mean not that as if I am sitting around being- ask “Miss JO” or “Agony Aunt” or as if I am dishing out advice to anyone who seems in need of it. But is so easy to dish out spoonful’s of advice to others and yet when one has to take that same advice, it is as if there is a short circuit somewhere in the brain, almost like load shedding, it just isn’t that easy to do and take. I totally and utterly suck when it comes to following my own advice, okay, let me be honest; I do give some killer advice and a mean pep-talk, but somehow sometimes I just don’t want to take my own.

 

I recently had this nagging feeling that there are certain things in my life that I need to let go off, and of course my horoscope also kept on referring to that as well. For some or other reason I always thought that I had let that thing go, but to my surprise (not as if it was really a surprise) I haven’t. It is one of those situations where it unconsciously controls certain aspects of your life that you aren’t even aware off. I never really addressed this issue, because I mean I was so over it and I kind of made peace with it in my own way, and guess what, I didn’t.

 

So what triggered this “event” where I decided to address the hidden issue and follow my own advice?

 

I like to binge watch series (that is literally one of my guilty pleasures), and I came across Being Mary Jane. Well I won’t give away the plot and what it is about, but I personally think that whatever books we read, programs we watch, we all interpret it in different ways. There is of course a central message in the story or plot, but just as unique as you are, that is the unique experience or message you take away from whatever medium it is that you dealt with and came into contact with.

But anyway back to my explanation, as I was watching this series, the issue of letting go pops up, a lot…so this literally had me thinking about my life, or certain aspects that I mask so good, situations I dealt with but not to the point of actually letting it go (and yet I wondered why some states had me by the balls), sweeping things under the carpet per say. So I realised that I have to start taking my own advice, I can so easily tell someone else how to approach a situation and how to deal with it (experience of course), but when I have to do it myself, it is F’n difficult.

 

So I just decided to put my big girl panties on and follow my own advice (also what I took from the series) and start letting go of things that is silently dragging me down and pulling me back. The moment you start to tell yourself to let go, you start to look for far-fetched reasons not to, telling yourself that you have it under control, that you don’t have a problem (admitting that is a problem is crucial), but at the end of the day, the way your heart, mind and soul feels, will tell you, that you have to let it go.

 

For 9 years I have been holding on to something, obviously I thought I let it go a long time ago, I mean, I dealt with it in my own way or should I say the “mature” way at that time, I gave myself a pep-talk and figured I was over it. But a few weeks ago I just came to the realisation that unconsciously I have been holding on to this particular situation, decisions I have made, words I have spoken and the way I defended or hid the true nature of what was actually going on. I guess I just realised if I didn’t let it go now, the next 9years would revolt in a more toxic condition, and instead of moving on, this back and forth would continue and I would just keep on being stuck in this quicksand that already swallowed me whole.

 

So how did listening to my own advice help me?

I decided to be honest with myself, being honest with oneself is probably one of the hardest things to do, we are preconceived to wear masks and show a façade, but that moment when we take that mask off and look ourselves in the mirror, who looks back at us? What truth is revealed?  The moment I started being honest with myself, I realised the reason why I haven’t truly let this go, was because somehow I was still hoping that there was a slight chance that things would and could change (dumb right? nope). I realised that I was so fixated on emotions that I think I felt or might have felt, that I was willing to settle for the least, just so I didn’t fully have to let it go, I realised that I still care more than I was aware off. I realised that I love and appreciate myself more than anything and that this subconscious sweeping under the carpet of this situation doesn’t resonate with the person that I fought so hard to become. I realised by being honest with myself I gained the power to be honest with those around me, to not apologise for what I feel and why I do, I realised that I was the one who chose to stay in this position, because it was familiar, because letting go would mean that it truly will be the end.

I just realised that it is okay to let it go, to let go of the constant back and forth, the swings and misses, hanging onto something, a feeling, that will slowly kill parts of you and will let you miss out on what is already in your life and that yet to come. By letting go, you are taking a leap of Faith (and having Faith has also been prominent lately), by letting go, you are freeing yourself, by letting go you regain power, by letting go and basically just free falling, is exactly when you start spreading your wings and flying.

Then you have yourself saying “I should have taken my own advice a long time ago- as the tears turns to smiles, because no matter what, faith”.

2weeks into 2015

So it is two weeks into the New Year, Two weeks into New Resolutions, and two weeks into a New Mind set. What have you been up to since the start of the New Year, since the clock struck at midnight and it was the 1st of January 2015, what changes did you make in the past two weeks or routine have you started following, that makes you say 2015 I’m coming for you hard.

When a New Year starts, it is usually with so much enthusiasm, optimism and happy spirits, we claim the year, we announce our resolutions and dreams, all to be our better selves and reach the goals that we have. We make resolutions that we intend to keep, like waking up earlier, trying to eat healthily, etc. so 14 days in the New year, what have you done that you can build on for the rest of 2015? What have you changed in your daily routine that you will follow through on for the rest of the year?

Making resolutions isn’t about setting the bar so high that it is unreachable or unattainable, setting resolutions is about turning negative habits that you might have and turning it into positive habits. Setting resolutions is setting goals, goals that you wish to reach, goals that changes your way of life for the better, goals that turns your way of thinking around, goals that brings out the part of yourself that needs to grow, the part that you want to change, but the better part of you that you kept hidden. We all want to be a better part of ourselves, we want to be happier, successful, loved, and be the greatest that we most possibly can be. But everything begins with one step, the step that is a resolution or a goal set, that we start to work towards.

I ask myself the question every day, so what have I done today to take a step toward my goal “resolution”? Did I get up when I woke up before my alarm or did I decide to sleep for another five minutes. Did I procrastinate yet again, claiming that I didn’t have time to work on my dream, while I was looking for excuses just to delay working on it for a bit. Did I start to substitute the words “want to do it” with “I have to do it”. The moment we stop looking for excuses, in that moment we start to gravitate towards our goals “resolution”. It takes will power, it takes discipline, and it takes the urge to be better to drive us towards that goal. We tend to delay because our fears come into play, our fear of eventually failing at our goals, but we stand in our own way the moment we think about failure, before we even try, before we even take that first step.

So 14 days passed, 14 days that we got all excited about our goals and desires, 14 days that our goals fell flat on its face, 14 days that we realised just how bad we want or don’t want it, 14 days to reassess how we want to approach the goals and see it through and send fear of failure packing. 14 days where we just take a breath and start again, wake up early, start writing that first chapter of the book even if it seems difficult, start practising flipping that pancake till it’s perfect, start walking till the legs feel strong enough to jog, it all starts with the first step, changing the routine, getting out of the comfort zone and reaching for that “unattainable” goal.