Let It Go (Own Advice)

 

If someone could just tell me why it is so difficult to follow one’s own advice? I mean not that as if I am sitting around being- ask “Miss JO” or “Agony Aunt” or as if I am dishing out advice to anyone who seems in need of it. But is so easy to dish out spoonful’s of advice to others and yet when one has to take that same advice, it is as if there is a short circuit somewhere in the brain, almost like load shedding, it just isn’t that easy to do and take. I totally and utterly suck when it comes to following my own advice, okay, let me be honest; I do give some killer advice and a mean pep-talk, but somehow sometimes I just don’t want to take my own.

 

I recently had this nagging feeling that there are certain things in my life that I need to let go off, and of course my horoscope also kept on referring to that as well. For some or other reason I always thought that I had let that thing go, but to my surprise (not as if it was really a surprise) I haven’t. It is one of those situations where it unconsciously controls certain aspects of your life that you aren’t even aware off. I never really addressed this issue, because I mean I was so over it and I kind of made peace with it in my own way, and guess what, I didn’t.

 

So what triggered this “event” where I decided to address the hidden issue and follow my own advice?

 

I like to binge watch series (that is literally one of my guilty pleasures), and I came across Being Mary Jane. Well I won’t give away the plot and what it is about, but I personally think that whatever books we read, programs we watch, we all interpret it in different ways. There is of course a central message in the story or plot, but just as unique as you are, that is the unique experience or message you take away from whatever medium it is that you dealt with and came into contact with.

But anyway back to my explanation, as I was watching this series, the issue of letting go pops up, a lot…so this literally had me thinking about my life, or certain aspects that I mask so good, situations I dealt with but not to the point of actually letting it go (and yet I wondered why some states had me by the balls), sweeping things under the carpet per say. So I realised that I have to start taking my own advice, I can so easily tell someone else how to approach a situation and how to deal with it (experience of course), but when I have to do it myself, it is F’n difficult.

 

So I just decided to put my big girl panties on and follow my own advice (also what I took from the series) and start letting go of things that is silently dragging me down and pulling me back. The moment you start to tell yourself to let go, you start to look for far-fetched reasons not to, telling yourself that you have it under control, that you don’t have a problem (admitting that is a problem is crucial), but at the end of the day, the way your heart, mind and soul feels, will tell you, that you have to let it go.

 

For 9 years I have been holding on to something, obviously I thought I let it go a long time ago, I mean, I dealt with it in my own way or should I say the “mature” way at that time, I gave myself a pep-talk and figured I was over it. But a few weeks ago I just came to the realisation that unconsciously I have been holding on to this particular situation, decisions I have made, words I have spoken and the way I defended or hid the true nature of what was actually going on. I guess I just realised if I didn’t let it go now, the next 9years would revolt in a more toxic condition, and instead of moving on, this back and forth would continue and I would just keep on being stuck in this quicksand that already swallowed me whole.

 

So how did listening to my own advice help me?

I decided to be honest with myself, being honest with oneself is probably one of the hardest things to do, we are preconceived to wear masks and show a façade, but that moment when we take that mask off and look ourselves in the mirror, who looks back at us? What truth is revealed?  The moment I started being honest with myself, I realised the reason why I haven’t truly let this go, was because somehow I was still hoping that there was a slight chance that things would and could change (dumb right? nope). I realised that I was so fixated on emotions that I think I felt or might have felt, that I was willing to settle for the least, just so I didn’t fully have to let it go, I realised that I still care more than I was aware off. I realised that I love and appreciate myself more than anything and that this subconscious sweeping under the carpet of this situation doesn’t resonate with the person that I fought so hard to become. I realised by being honest with myself I gained the power to be honest with those around me, to not apologise for what I feel and why I do, I realised that I was the one who chose to stay in this position, because it was familiar, because letting go would mean that it truly will be the end.

I just realised that it is okay to let it go, to let go of the constant back and forth, the swings and misses, hanging onto something, a feeling, that will slowly kill parts of you and will let you miss out on what is already in your life and that yet to come. By letting go, you are taking a leap of Faith (and having Faith has also been prominent lately), by letting go, you are freeing yourself, by letting go you regain power, by letting go and basically just free falling, is exactly when you start spreading your wings and flying.

Then you have yourself saying “I should have taken my own advice a long time ago- as the tears turns to smiles, because no matter what, faith”.