I once asked someone if they have ever looked at themselves in the mirror and just said “you are beautiful and amazing”, the response I got was almost as if I was a bit of a crazy person. I said this as a self-help/self-motivation tip, not to be conceited or coming across as being crazy by talking to oneself, but to genuinely just look at oneself and pointing out all the positive attributes about the self.
I recently (yesterday) turned the big 25, yes a quarter of a century, mid 20’s, officially closer to 30 than 20. As much as this big number terrifies me, it excites me, as much as it depressed me, it also pleased me. As my heart pounds with the terrifying thoughts that filled my mind, the thoughts and feelings that I didn’t achieve half of what my adolescent self would have wanted to achieve at this stage in my life. As my heart pounds a feeling of contentment flowed over me, a feeling of happiness, a feeling of gratitude, a feeling of immense joy, because I am alive, alive and discovered exactly what I am passionate about. I figured in my 18 year old mind, I would have the perfect job, amazing apartment or house, on the verge of getting married and be living the perfect fairy-tale. Do I have any of the above? Nope, am I unhappy because I do not? No
I am 25, not where I want to be, but I know and believe with every inch of my being that I am exactly at the right place that everything that happened was in preparation for what is to come.
I have learned that being beautiful is how you perceive the word beauty. If you see the magazines as the bible of what beauty is supposed to be, then good luck to you. If you cannot look at yourself in the mirror and say how amazingly beautiful you are without having the picture of a model in the back of your mind, reminding you that that’s what actual beauty are, you are losing the race. Learning that the face I see in the mirror, the face I have been looking at throughout my life, is the only face I have and it is beautiful. The smile that have wriggled through the darkest of moments, the eyes that was swollen because a flood of tears poured down the cheeks past the big nose and lips of someone who was unaccepting of herself. A face of a woman who had to mask all of her pain, her vulnerability to be strong and not come across as a weakling, now that is beauty. A face that could tell stories from a lifetime of unscripted, unrehearsed moments that can be seen in the eyes reflecting my soul. Every day I look at myself in the mirror, whether it be the face of looking like the night before or made up like a Christmas tree, I tell myself I’m beautiful. I am beautiful because I haven’t allowed bad relationships, bad comments, hurtful words, negative tongue lashings to keep me down in a pit of despair for too long, I got up and looked for the beauty in the bad, the positive in the negative and the love in the hurt.
Every day I look at myself and remind myself of the comment “you are a strong girl, I know you are” (ironic as this was said by a person breaking my heart), because I am, I am stronger than that failed relationship, I am stronger than a failed subject, I am stronger than the rejection of a goal not achieved or not being good enough, I am stronger than the helpless exterior I portray. Sometimes I just have to laugh at the irony, but I guess I couldn’t see all these things, because I allowed my cloudy vision to hide what it in my heart, my mind and my body, because of a pre-conceived idea of what beauty is and what I was supposed to be like. I always found it funny how people could tell me I am beautiful, because I couldn’t see it, I found it funny that people saw talent in me, which I couldn’t see, I found it funny that people could see greatness and possibilities in me, because well I couldn’t. In the back of my mind I always wondered how and why and I found the answers as soon as I looked at myself in the mirror cleared my cloudy vision, like fog disappearing, I found what made me, me.
I am 25 and I am an old soul (it’s a good thing), an old soul on the brink of new life, new achievements, new goals and new dreams. I am 25 and learned that the moment I saw myself as beautiful it started pouring out from within my soul into every aspect of my being, I have learned that I needed to be knocked down countless times in order for the light within to start shining through the cracks, before it started erupting like a volcano, to introduce to the world, the person I am supposed to be. Learning what an important role I play in the lives of others, whether it be that random smile, the unexpected text message, the shoulder to cry on, or in reality just literally being me. I have learned to not be proud and egotistical, being knocked down and torn down the cause for a lot of humiliation, especially when being boastful and proud is what I portray. I have learned that friendships can start in the most unexpected places, like the saying says one person’s trash is another person’s treasure, well I found amazing diamonds in the rubble. I have found that simplicity is what I am after, the sun on my face when it peeks through on a cloudy day, the shooting star crossing the sky when I just fell down, the laughter of a two year, the wishful and genuine words of people who actually care. I have found love in simplicity, in gratitude, in faith, and hope. I started seeing the beauty within my soul that the Almighty placed in my mother’s womb, I started seeing the love that parents have for their children and the bond between siblings that cannot be broken. I have learned to be the best me that I most possibly can be, still a diamond in the rough. I have found my passion and it’s been peeping through for years, but only now the time is right, the new season starts now, the new life starts now.
25 never felt and looked this good. So tonight I will look at myself in the mirror, smile and say how beautiful I am, how beautiful my soul is, how wonderful my talent is, that I am a strong woman, a strong individual, a strong soul. This is only the beginning, it won’t always be easy, but 25 years from now, I’ll look back, pat myself on the back, say I am beautiful and know all the lessons and preparations was well worth it. Ill remain on my knees, keep praying, keep believing, keep doing what I love, because this new life, I’m ready..
johyphendene 