“How dare you speak to yourself like that?!”, the little voice from within starts to scream in my head. “Do you remember how much you hated when other people talked to you like that, and how you promised that you won’t ever allow and tolerate that from anyone, so why would you think that it is okay to talk to yourself like that?!”.
The above is just a small snippet from what goes on in my head, or the conversations I have with myself on the regular.
Part of being awakened and becoming enlightened is that you become conscious of self-talk. Now this is how you talk to – yourself, talk to others about yourself, how you talk to others and how you talk to others about others. How you speak to yourself and about yourself is important, because what you think and speak in fact becomes reality. Positive self-talk becomes second nature, as affirmations becomes a part of thoughts, spoken word and conversations shared. This all doesn’t mean that negative thoughts and talks won’t slip through the cracks and make its way into your mind or come out of your mouth. Going through the journey that is awakening is learning how to become mindful of these thoughts, both positive and negative, it is about gaining the clarity to differentiate between these thought patterns. It is about having a positive thought or idea and then building on this thought with more positivity. It is about identifying a negative thought when it appears in the mind (as the journey goes on, the easier and quicker it becomes to identify and work on), identifying why and how you might be feeling and thinking the way that you do, and turning this negative thought pattern into a positive one.
I have in no why mastered this yet, but daily I am becoming more mindful and aware, and I must say, when a negative thought or pattern starts to take control of my mind, it is almost as if I get a smack at the back of my head that tells me to pay attention and change this. So, the timeframe it takes to become conscious of my thought patterns has increased and becomes quicker by the day. And for me this is a win on its own and shows me my growth thus far.
I am extremely hard on myself, to the extend where I am awfully harsh towards myself, and when I say harsh, I am even embarrassed to make half of the things known that has slipped from my thoughts intended towards myself. About two weeks ago; I baked cupcakes (I love doing this), and for the first time, well it was a flop. In that moment, I almost swore to never touch anything that has to with baking again. I was so hard on myself, telling myself how this baking thing isn’t for me, how it was possible that I could mess something up that I can practically do in my sleep, how this is just something that isn’t for me, I almost took that new mixer back to the shop, seeing that it is still under warranty (shrugs). But I soon came to realise that hey, this is all part of it. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect and do the perfect things, that when I fail to do so, I tarnish myself. So yes, my cupcakes were a flop, but that doesn’t mean that I am not good at baking overall. It just means that I did something wrong (I just added too little baking powder), it just means that in every error there is space to learn and build from it. It just shows that I have become so accustomed to ‘perfection’, that when it didn’t come out the way it was supposed to, I almost lost my shit (this applies to other aspects of my life as well). And doing something wrong, or failing at something, just proves that there is space to look back and reflect, identify why, where and how it went wrong and well, just start over and keep at it, with all the new insights acquired and just keep a positive mindset as you go along.
So, this a lesson that I have learned in the first two weeks of 2018. Something that I have always been aware of, but it basically took a failed batch of cupcakes to zap me in the ass, and get my mind and thoughts back to where and what I am supposed to be aware of at this time.
This is a journey that I’m navigating, and this is just my experience, but I know that when I can learn a lesson from something as simple as cupcakes, that I am more aware than I could have thought. Becoming more aware of myself, my thoughts, ideas, and overall of what is needed from myself to make my soul glow and prosper. So, thank you cupcakes, for showing me that just by adding a little more baking powder is how I will rise into my own and become a better me.
johyphendene 