As i am reflecting on the past month, July, which is also my birthday month (Yeay), I still don’t completely know how and what I feel, but I do know that I am grateful. I am awakening from my writers block, so maybe this slump that I have been in had to simmer this month, just so I could just observe and embrace everything around me, and thus why I am kind of reflecting now.
So where do I start? Lol, maybe at the beginning. So the past few months has totally been absolutely crazy, specially the part where emotions comes into play. I don’t know why, but the closer my it came to my birthday, the more i freaked out, I mean, just when I got used to being 26, 27 was starting to flirt with me, it was all cute at first, but then it was like oh shit, it is like that guaranteed hangover the next morning, even if you basically just overdosed on water. So why did i freak out, you may ask and this is why. I figured that when i was 26 I would have my life together (atleast what my 18year old self hoped), i figured I would be working my dream job, I would be married to the love of my life and we would have a baby by now, i mean my parents were married and had me when they were 26. But i guess I just realised and my mom told me that it is totally okay to not have all my ducks in a row, that it is okay that I am not in a relationship, It is okay that I am still striving and working towards the career I want and that I am meant to be in and it is okay that I haven’t started a family yet, she told me that I am still young and I should enjoy this phase in my life. This kind of made me smile, because I knew she woulnldn’t tell me something if she doesn’t mean it and if it isn’t the truth… so i guess after i got this confirmation from momma bear, i slowly started to get excited for my birthday, I mean i am still breathing and in all truthfullness that is more than enough reason to celebrate.
I must say, being 27 doesn’t feel so bad, I do admit that it kind of feels as if a major shift happened not only in my life, but also my mindset, how I see myself and just the excitement of what is to come. I had the best birthday I got to see Tevin Campbell perform live and he is still as amazing eventhough he fell flat on his ass when he performed, he just carried on like a true champ and kept the show going. That was a life lesson in it’s own right, to keep on going even if you stumble and fall on your ass, the show must go on and how you continue is all that matters. Cliche, yes I know, but it is so true though. I got to experience Love, the love from my friends, Love from my family, Love from someone special, even love from strangers and I just realised that Love is the greatest gift that I can ever receive, but also the greatest gift that I can share with others.
I went through a phase of endless endings, everything seemed to be falling apart, I almost felt like stagnant water, no new source of water coming in and no way for water to go out, but one thing that my friend always tells me is that the only way out is through. So just as the endings seemed to go on, new beginnings started to seep through. What frustrates me is the fact that the new beginnings is playing that flirt game, that game where you see glimpses of what is, what can be and what is to come, but then all of a sudden it comes to a hault, leaving you impatient and just wanting to push because why isn’t it all just falling into place the way that it is supposed too. And i freakin hate waiting. But i must say i totally love how 27 is flirting with me, i tell those doors that i see opening that I cannot wait to walk through them, because if the glimpses are anything to go by, my mind will be blown once I walk through them when they are completely open. I love how I found a new sense of security, a new sense of self, a new sense of how everything that I not only want, need and desire is already within me, I just need to be patient and just be present in the now and experience everything as it comes.
I wish I had a genie so i could instantaneously have everything that i desire and dream about, but where would the fun be in that. Because isn’t the journey the lesson and mustn’t one be completely engulfed and present in the moment to ultimately enjoy the end result, the destination. I am so excited for what 27 has in store, for that soulmate kind of life that I have prayed and dreamed about. For the love of my art, my talent, my dreams to become a reality on day at a time. I am excited for new prospects but also to grow in the experiences completely be present in all moments and just feel and learning what I am supposed too. I am happy, I am content, like my favorite saying in The Alchemist “MAKTUB”, meaning that it is written…so it just means that everything will happen just the way it is supposed, because it is written. So HELOOOOOOOOOO 27, I am more than ready for you, bring it on. I am grateful and so blessed, it is nothing else than humbling. So may this new phase in my life just be completely be filled with Love in abundance (and it feels so good), new creative energy, blossoming career prospects, joy in tons, happiness beyond compare, light to illuminate every part of my life and just blessings.
Blessings, love and light
Coz I am mid 20’s, almost or basically late 20’s and I am more than okay with that..
johyphendene 